The night before last, I dreamt that a woman was in a really abusive relationship with a man, and she kept kicking him out (he was the abusive one) and he kept coming back. But I had that detachment that I usually have in my dreams where I wasn't actually upset about this though of course I recognized it as a bad situation.
Last night, I dreamt a whole bunch of stuff. The one I woke up during was largely about a young woman who purposely infects herself with something to prove a causality that the higher-ups are denying. At one point I was worried her brother was gonna abandon her, but he was just calling paramedics or something (she was really ill at that moment).
I've been thinking about these, wondering if there's some significance to be parsed out (what, I like making sense of things) and it occurred to me that there's a theme of taking care of others, arguably to one's own detriment, which is interesting.
The lectionary readings today were Isaiah 40:21-31 and Mark 1:29-39. I was unimpressed by the rambly sermons at both my churches.
The Isaiah verse which uses the twin names of "Jacob" and "Israel," CHPC used a gender-inclusive text which said "Rachel and Leah and Jacob," and I was thinking about this later, about Rachel and Leah, how they are both mothers of the people who would become Israel, even though Jacob only wanted one of them. Even later, I thought about the second half of that verse -- the '[why do you say] "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"?' I appreciate the reminder that we are all God's beloved.
I want more silence in my worship services. I don't notice this lack at CWM particularly, but at CHPC it really bothers me because we ostensibly have spaces for silence but they are literally thirty seconds or less, which is just really not sufficient. I may need to start carving out time to read the Psalms in the morning or something, as having more meditative time would probably be good for me.
I am not a fan of this continuing feeling of, for example, not really wanting to go to work. I like being functional and accomplishy and stuff. Last year had a lot of ups and downs, but that was like really active angst, not this flatness which reminds me of clinical depression. If I am actually clinically depressed, I am gonna be PISSED. But I got up this morning and read like half of Galilean Journey, and I'm only being avoidy about a few things, so I am sticking to my assessment that it's a situational thing wherein I'm worn down by a variety of things and I know pretty well what I need to feel better but just haven't been able to get enough of it and I will totally be fine.
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
-"You Are Mine" (David Haas)
Five good things about today:
1. Carolyn was not actually ignoring my email.
2. Dan brought back the folders from Thi, so I can actually do the financial stuff I'm supposed to do.
3. Michele and Sean counted the offertory.
4. I got to take home leftover vegetarian lasagna -- thus increasing the odds that I will have something other than a lightly toasted cinnamon-raisin bagel with peanut butter for dinner.
5. L. emailed me back. (Most immediately, I am glad to know that she is not yanno dead, but it is also a substantive email with some news I am happy about.)
Three things I did well today:
1. I switched the 'magic lever' so I had hot water for my shower. I ate breakfast and brushed my teeth AND flossed (I'm often slack in the morning). I washed dishes and did another load of laundry and wiped clean some of the grungy surfaces in the bathroom because I realized we weren't actually out of paper towels.
2. I stayed through coffee hour at CHPC.
3. I paid a credit card bill.
Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. Getting the ball rolling on dinner plans for this Friday's book group meeting.
2. Replying to L's email.