burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

[unpreached sermon #9] We Light the Candle of Peace Today

2009-12-23T01:46:09Z

Advent 2C - December 6, 2009

Malachi 3:1-4
Luke 1:68-79
Philippians 1:3-11
Luke 3:1-6

We Light the Candle of Peace Today

I find it a little ironic that this is the Sunday of Peace, having read through the week's daily lectionary with lots of passages of wrath and judgment. It's also weird because today's Sunday lectionaries are all about preparing the way for the coming savior -- oh, and Paul saying nice things about the Philippians. "Peace" is not a theme I would intuitively extract from this set of readings.

So, when I can't figure out what to do with the lectionary, I go back and summarize each text.

First, we have Malachi, which has two parts. One, a messenger is coming to prepare the way of God. Two, the coming of God will be purifying like a refiner's fire purifying silver.

Next, we have the first of two passages from Luke. This first is what is known as the Canticle of Zechariah.

Again, it's in two parts. God has honored the covenant of old and shown mercy on us, sending us a savior. And you, child, shall be the prophet who comes before this savior, telling the people of their salvation. Dawn from on high will break upon us, giving light to those who sit in darkness, and guiding our feet into the way of peace.

Third is the epistle in which Paul praises the Philippians, longs to be with them, and prays that they may continue to grow in love and insight.

And fourth, the opening of the third chapter of Luke. At a particular socio-historical moment, under imperial rule, the word of God came to John in the wilderness, and we hark back to the prophet Isaiah -- prepare the way of the Holy One; everything will be smoothed out, and "and all flesh shall see the salvation of God."

So what do I do with all this?

I was tempted to just ignore the Epistle because it doesn't really seem to fit (and who besides me preaches on all four lectionary texts, anyway?) -- but I'm stubborn and perverse, so this actually made me want to focus on the Epistle more.

There's a song that goes, "the one who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it." I've always found it a bit of a weird song, but of course it gets in my head every time I read this lectionary passage this week, so I've been thinking about it.

We are works in progress.

And God has begun good works, which God will complete. Both events to which Advent is looking forward -- the Christ child and the eschatological Second Coming -- are not about wiping something out and starting afresh but rather about bringing something to its fullest fruition and completion.

The refiner's fire that Malachi speaks of takes mineral from the earth and turns it into something you can make into a work of art or function (or both) -- order out of chaos. I was telling Tiffany on our Advent planning call that in reading the lectionary texts this year, I found myself troubled by that classic Isaiah quotation -- "Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be made low..." -- because on a literal level I don't like the idea of all the landscape variation being erased; but that on a metaphorical level it can still resonate with me -- the rough ways shall be made smooth.

So, we are preparing the way of God. What does that mean? Does that mean a carpet of palm fronds like the crowds on Palm Sunday? The triumphal king enters the Holy City, the dwelling place of God, on a donkey, and comes not to overthrow the occupying imperial powers or even the temple authorities but rather willingly gives himself (herself) up to be executed by the authorities.

In their book The First Christmas, Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan talk about the imperial environment into which Jesus was born. The Roman Empire wanted peace, too, and succeeded -- the Pax Romana. Except that was peace through violence -- not true peace at all, but merely a lull.

The peace that Jesus is about is peace through justice. Where relationships are not defined by nonconsensual power-over but rather where we are all gathered together at an abundant table with FAMILY -- and not the family of origin which is so fraught for many of us, but family of choice. God has chosen each one of us -- named us and claimed us, declaring us the Beloved.

And we are called to help bring about that peace.

When I read the Canticle of Zechariah I get as far as, "And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High," and I remember Tiffany preaching on how we are ALL called to be messengers of the Most High [I suspect I'm remembering this].

In continuing to think about what it means to help bring about this promised peace, I am also reminded of one of Marla's favorite phrases: "we make the road by walking." I think I first heard this when she preached on the David and Goliath story this past June. She talked about how there's a lot that's really problematic in that text -- Goliath trash-talks David and David gives it right back, talking about the destruction he is going to rain down on the Philistines. Not exactly modeling an ethic of "love your enemy" and abundant table fellowship. But she pointed out that there's also the stuff about how the Israelites try to clothe David in armor and none of it fits him.

David is victorious despite not because of the assistance of the powers of the world.

Personally, I'm really big on working within the system; but it's also good for me to be reminded that the systems of the world are not God's system.

We are called to do this work -- knowing that God is bringing Creation to full fruition rather than destroying and starting over, strengthened by the assurance that this broken world will be redeemed.

So let us go forth, to prepare the way of peace -- to make that road by walking it.

Amen.

"peace on the earth, goodwill to..."

2009-12-22T01:56:25Z

This morning's readings were Genesis 25:19-28 and Colossians 1:15-20.

I commented that it was strange, after Sunday's readings of women whose miraculous pregnancies bear redemption, to shift to this tale of strife. Though it also bookends nicely with the Epistle -- about how all things are unified in Christ.

I was totally going to go to breakfast with prayer folks -- wore my work clothes rather than my gym clothes to prayer service and everything -- but I found that what I really wanted to do was to go to the gym -- probably in part because my morning routine had been thrown off by having to take time out to prompt the boiler (my warm shower turned cold as I was washing my hair).

This afternoon, Scott showed up as promised (he's leaving tomorrow, returning Jan. 18). He handed me The Wisdom of Maimonides. I asked, "Is this your 'congratulations on making it through finals' gift?" He looked confused for a beat and then said, "No, it's your Christmas gift." ♥

[Advent 4] this was not the snowpocalypse

2009-12-21T03:12:29Z

Lindsay's facebook status Wednesday night:

So Ian, Keith, and Laura Ruth are most likely right. This morning when I checked the weather, it said Sunday would be sunny. Tonight, they said the past few years on the Sunday of Cantata, it snows. The weather forecast tonight? All sun except Sunday when we should expect "several inches"

Saturday night:
me: "I'm going to buy milk before the blizzard."
housemate: "It's not a blizzard! It's gonna be 4 inches!"
me: "Really I'm just going because I'm low on milk."

Sunday morning I forgot that my porch doesn't magically clear itself, so I just sloshed through the snow (it wasn't wet heavy snow at all). I mostly walked along the side of the road (there was almost no traffic).

I got to SCBC at about five minutes of nine. As I passed FCS, I mentally thanked the Snow Angels [the First Churchers who arrive early to clear the sidewalks and walkways]. As I walked to SCBC's front door, I noticed I was walking through snow drifts -- and then saw the handwritten sign saying service was canceled. *eyeroll* So I walked back to FCS, chatted with Gary as he finished shoveling, and hung out in the chapel (why yes I had brought my laptop in case of just such an eventuality -- though I probably should have also brought a comb to fix my hair ... or put my hood up as I walked ... I hadn't expected to have so much snow on my hair).

FCS-Ian said it was nice to see me -- that he'd missed me yesterday [he sees me every weekday morning at morning prayer].

I went to CHPC -- again noticed a lack of shoveling (though clearly some had been done). Karl was walking around the sanctuary (sans vestments) and said hi to me. Katherine was playing the piano. Yeah, church was canceled.

Karl said I could have called the church. I said that assumes I have the phone number. (Though honestly I had considered calling -- I don't have the church number in my cell phone, but I do have Karl's cell. But in years past there has been an email notice.) Later, Richard showed up. He said the voicemail says church isn't canceled (though the next line says not to come).

When I was little, Ron and Patty canceled church one Sunday due to snow, but people showed up anyway. So they decided that so long as they could get to the church, there would be church. So that is my (eminently reasonable, I feel) standard for church. One couple showed up later (in large part because they were sponsoring a child and so had to bring their gift in). The husband chatted with Karl while the wife and I hung out with Katherine at the piano, picking out hymns for Christmas Eve service.

TBQ posted with Subject line "Oh the weather outside is... not as bad as advertised, actually"

While it was definitely snowing (and rather horizontally at that) in the morning, when I came home around noon it had seriously lightened. I know in further suburbs there was much more accumulation (which is why Karl said he had canceled church -- because most everyone who lives close except me had already left for the holidays, and it wouldn't be safe driving for people who live further out plus the Somerville snow emergency would make parking a challenge).

Tiffany's weekly email last night included:

This week at CWM we will hold a quiet meditative service focusing on the Magnificat, Mary's song of joy.

Please stay safe during the impending storm. While we will have services at CWM, we encourage you to stay warm and safe.

When I showed up at CWM, it was Tiffany and Marla and Sean. Tiffany said, "We've been waiting for you." I flipped them off in my head :) I said it was five minutes of, which is on time for me. Tiffany said, "I know," and, "I knew that you [implied: of all people] would show up on snowstorm Sunday." Later on, Sharon and Carolyn and Merle trickled in.

We did a group conversation Reflection like we've been doing in Advent Bible Study. The Scripture was Luke 1:26-56.

We talked about the issue of whether Mary consents. We talked about how even if it was a rape (either the Divine acting without Mary's consent or Mary being raped and inventing this story as a cover), something so redemptive comes out of that (which doesn't deny the horror of that, but also speaks to the transformative power of love). I said that I am so invested in my idea of a benevolent God that I have to see her as having consented -- that if she had said no, Gabriel would have chosen someone else, and that I see in Mary a modeling of radical openness to God, an affirmation that even when things seem so strange and frightening we can trust God.

We talked about how Mary is really prophetic in the Magnificat and how that subverts the traditional ideas of her as meek and submissive. We talked about how in opposition to the Fall narrative which blames Eve, all of this redemption starts with women (Elizabeth, Mary). Carolyn cited the "he abhors not the Virgin's womb" line (from "O Come, All Ye Faithful") and talked about how that really resonated for her about pushing back against the idea that women's bodies are bad and cause people to sin and etc.; Marla countered that it feels to her like setting apart virgin!Mary as special and different from all other women (thus reifying the trope that female bodies are bad/sinful). We talked about the question of whether people believed Mary's story (Carolyn said, "I bet her best friend believed her," and Marla said, "I'm not sure I would believe my best friend if she told me that story" -- bff, I would totes believe you if you told me that story). We talked about how Mary stays three months at Elizabeth's and so she comes home great with child and doesn't that make her story look even more discreditable and why does Joseph believe her -- I said, "Matthew sends him an angel," but of course we were in the Luke story.

We talked about how the Magnificat comes after Mary has gone to see Elizabeth and after Elizabeth has rejoiced and affirmed her. (At the end, Tiffany asked us what we would take with us from this for the coming week, and I said for me I would take that with me, that reminder that within the beloved community we can find love and joy even in the midst of events that are so scary and confusing.) We talked about the possibility that Mary hadn't really accepted it until she talked to Elizabeth, and my tellings-and-retellings self suggested that maybe she went to this hill country town to abort the baby (maybe she had just been placating the angel ... how does one know if an angel is truly from God anyway?) and changed her mind after seeing Elizabeth.

***

Friday's lectionary readings were Isaiah 42:10-18 and Hebrews 10:32-39. I was struck by verse 16 from Isaiah:

I will lead the blind
     by a road they do not know,
by paths they have not known
     I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them into light,
     the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I will do,
     and I will not forsake them.

Behold, our God is doing a new thing (Isaiah 43:19).

***

Friday night, I went to Revels with my mom. I had basically zero expectation, but I actually enjoyed it a lot.

It opens with an excerpt from "Black Elk Speaks" -- "Black Elk's Vision," about Black Elk's vision of the Tree of Life (I thought of Revelation, of course). At one point he's tending the [invisible] tree and a little white boy asks him what he's doing and he tells him and asks the boy, "Do you see the tree?" and the little white boy says no, and Black Elk says something like, "Well I guess I'll have to try harder," which I found so powerful (hi, I am a child of CWM, where we are so about embodying God's Kindom here on Earth).

At one point, a little girls asks him what his people do in the winter, and he tells her that they gather together inside and tell stories. She says something like, "We do that, too. I like stories," and I almost cried. Though I almost-cry like all the freaking time these days.

I was a little disturbed by the representation of Native people/culture. In part because when they were in groups they were usually (a) in full-body costumes that hide their faces, which felt a little dehumanizing/Othering to me (though it also meant I didn't have the visual squick of White people playing Native Americans) and (b) felt like an interlude passing through, without real connection either to the other characters on the stage or to the narrative as a whole.

And after a point at which Black Elk is lamenting that the Tree is withering, he sees white kids finishing a Tree of Life quilt and asks them the story of it, and they tell a weird folk tale about pregnant!Mary and a cherry tree, and most of the rest of the Second Act is Christmas music. I mean, I know it's called "The Christmas Revels" (the "In Celebration of the Winter Solstice" subtitle notwithstanding) but I felt a little bit like the subtext was, "The Tree of Life is Jesus Christ -- Native Americans couldn't keep that Tree alive; it takes Christ[ianity] to make that happen." I mean, I do think in some ways that the story of Jesus Christ *is* The Greatest Story Ever Told -- that God incarnated, enfleshed God's self, dwelt among us amidst the marginalized people, proclaimed an open and abundant table to all, endured death and triumphed over IT, resurrecting in body and spirit, promising the same (present and future) hope for us -- Christ stands between us and the powers of darkness, assures us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. But at the same time, it feels problematic to me to imply "*our* story is the culmination of *your* story."

There were a bunch of parts where we sang along (the last song before Intermission was "Lord of the Dance," and we sang the chorus, and as they exited into the atrium, they brought the people sitting in the front rows with them, dancing). The guy leading us in that, as he had us practice, said: "I love harmony. There are no wrong notes, just poor choices in the moment. And then we move on to the next moment, with new choices."

***

I helped my grandma wrap Christmas presents on Saturday, and she talked about how she had grown up Congregational. This got me thinking about how my life would be different if when she moved to Norwood with my teenage mother and uncle she had gone to the Congregational Church instead of United. My first thought was that probably when I moved to Somerville I would have just gone to First Church Somerville and so wouldn't have known CWM. My next thought was that "my church" wouldn't have stopped being "my" church and so I probably wouldn't have done rounds of ecumenical church-hopping.

I could weep.

2009-12-17T14:15:25Z

At morning prayer this morning, our hymn was "With Joy Draw Water" (which at least is quasi-Advent) and the lectionary readings were Jeremiah 31:31-34 and Hebrews 10:10-18.

Nobody had much of anything to say during the Reflection time and then Billy (who has not impressed me with his intelligence, etc. thus far this Advent) asked what "Jesse's tree" is.

I said Jesse was either David's father or son, said, "I can't believe I don't know this -- I was just reading the genealogies recently." I skimmed the Matthean and Lukan genealogies and Jesse's name didn't jump out at me, and Joan(?) said something about Solomon, and I flipped back to the books of Samuel (at this point I had processed my memories of the few episodes of Kings I had seen and was certain that Jesse was David's parent) and started skimming those and said, "I am so ashamed that none of us know this." (Present were: Tim D., Ellie and Billy, Joan, me, and FCS-Ian.) I did find:

Samuel Anoints David

God said to Samuel, ‘How long will you grieve over Saul? I have rejected him from being king over Israel. Fill your horn with oil and set out; I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons.’

I was still ashamed that I didn't know where to look for Solomon (whom Wikipedia informs me is David's son -- which someone this morning had suggested).

***

In other news, FCS-Ian doesn't have work next week and neither does Joan, so there is talk of post-prayer breakfast. Which I could do if I went to the gym on my lunch hour.

"They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain"

2009-12-15T02:42:24Z

Morning prayer Scripture was Isaiah 11:1-9 and Hebrews 13:7-17. (We are in Hebrews AGAIN.)

I did both readings (from the NRSV, natch).

I announced that I would be reading the Isaiah text with feminine language for the divine, because I really don't want all this masculine language.

When I did the Hebrews reading, I just swapped in "Christ('s)" for "he" and "his" -- and once I said "the divine name" because I honestly wasn't quite sure of the referent for "his name."

***

After I got home last night, I emailed Jeff and Laura Ruth to tell them I was sorry I wasn't able to make it to the re/New service because I was at CWM Bible study. Today, I got replies:

'sall right with me, except that I missed you. Oh, wait, I get to see you tonight! And Wednesday! I'm a lucky sister.

Laura Ruth

and

Me too Elizabeth. ...I missed you, but am glad you made the CWM Bible Study. That sounds great.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

Peace,
Jeff

In my response to Laura Ruth, I told her that I didn't think I would make it to the Longest Night service because I was having dinner with marketsquare. However, he was meeting a friend for ice cream after our dinner, so I made it to the second half of the service.

When Laura Ruth communed me, she grinned at me and said something like, "Elizabeth, this is the bread of life given for you tonight, that you might have life abundant." Which I think is what she was saying to everyone. And Tiffany offered me the Cup of hope.

There were healing stations (afterward), and I was seriously considering going to one, but then I realized I would have to pick between my clergy.

A Service of Healing for the Shadow Side of the Season

It's so delicate, the light
And there's so little of it. The dark
Is huge.
Just delicate needles, the light,
In an endless night.
And it has such a long way to go.
Through such desolate space.
So let's be gentle with it.
Cherish it.
So it will come again in the morning.
We hope.

~Rolf Jacobsen

***

In the time of sorrowing, God is there:

there in the embrace of loved ones,

there in words spoken with compassion,

there in the quiet places of the heart, in recalled, treasured memories.

Yes, God is there -- and God is here.
Come, gracious God.
Come in quiet hope.
Come in gentle assurance.
Come in tender mercy.
Come with healing to make us whole.

***

Creator God, lover of the universe, we come to you in this quiet place seeking your reassurance and your hope.

We come in the midst of noise, listening for your gentle heartbeat.

To those who are chilled by grief and pain, bring the warmth of your love.

To those who are overwhelmed by feelings that exhaust and stifle, bring the colling breeze of your love.

To those who are caught in the glare of expectations,m bring the comforting darkness of your love.

To those who find themselves in shadows of anxiety, bring the morning dawn of your love.

Breath courage into our day.

Whisper strength into our dreams.

We ask these things in the name of your child, Jesus, who was born into a chaotic world of birth, death, and rebirth -- just like today. Amen.

***

Litany of Good News and Bad News from the Psalmist (from Psalms 22 and 23)

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning?

God is my shepherd, I shall not want.

O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but find no rest.

God makes me lie down in green pastures; leads me beside still waters.

Do not be far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no one to help.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me, your rod and your staff—they comfort me.

I am a worm, and not human. Scorned by others, and despised by the people. All who see me mock at me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, you anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows.

I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart is like wax, it is melted within my breast.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of God my whole life long.

***

Lighting Candles in the Darkness

The first candle we light to remember those whom we have loved and lost. We pause to remember their names, their faces, their voices, the memories that bind them to us in this season.

May God's eternal love surround them.

This second candle we light to redeem the pain of loss: the loss of relationships, the loss of jobs, the loss of health, the loss of hopes and dreams. We pause to gather up the pain of the past. We offer it to God, asking that from God's hand we receive the gift of peace.

Refresh, restore, renew us, O God, and lead us into your future.

This third candle we light to think about ourselves this holiday season. We pause and remember these past weeks and months: the disbelief, the anger, the encroaching depression. The poignancy of reminiscing. The hot feuds, or cold distance. The relationships broken and forgiveness withheld. The debt mounting, drowning us. We give thanks for trust and friendship where we find it, for room to breathe and the breath of wisdom,. We ask for healing to rush in to the places that are still broken.

Let us remember that dawn defeats darkness.

This fourth candle is lit to give light to the flicker of our faith. Here we struggle to believe that the God who shares our life promises us a place and time where there will be no more pain and suffering.

We remember we were once called the Light of the World.

Come forward, as you are moved, to light a candle for any person or situation needing the light of God to shine into the darkness.

[week] one of these days i will have energy again

2009-12-14T03:48:36Z

Monday, Jason and I went to

dance on down the rabbit hole
WONDERLAND
Join Sexy Alice as she journeys through a world of bondage cards, naughty bunnies, coked-out hatters, and fabulous queens! Flesh, music, drinks, and desire...a special one-night-only engagement sure to titillate, tease, bewitch and amuse.

Jason's verdict: "needs moar plot" and "get more naked." (Yeah, it kind of failed at being burlesque.)

But it was worth the price of admission for the Red Queen killing all the Alices to Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" (which song I don't even like [YouTube link] -- though, as with all Lady Gaga, it is indeed catchy).

+

Scott's gf's dad works at Brandeis, and someone told him about a production some Brandeis folks were doing that was "an Alice in Wonderland story." They went last Sunday, and apparently "an Alice in Wonderland story" meant "a female character ends up in a strange world and has bizarre adventures." Scott does not recommend it. [Play is "Reckless" -- which I think I read about in the metro, but I can't find that online so instead I found boston.com]

+

Friday I went to Singspiration.

I saw John P., whom I haven't seen in ages (apparently he's been doing Awana, but he was filling in for Don T.), so I gave him a serious hug. He asked what I'd been up to, and I talked about various things and also said, "In January I'm preaching at my radical, ~~queer~~ gay, progressive church." He was like, "Really?" and I said, "Yeah. You're invited, once I get my act together. I thought: 'I want to invite the people who loved me at my old church that is now so conservative. They'll hate it, but I want to invite them.' " He didn't really know what to do with that, but to his credit he just asked what I was preaching on. (I said, "Well, it's Baptism of Jesus Sunday, so I'm talking about baptism, and the lectionary texts are a lot about the Holy Spirit, so I'm talking about the Holy Spirit.")

I've mostly been leaving my theology at the door recently at Singspiration, but Ari and I have been talking recently about feminine language for the Divine, and so when the first hymn was (iirc) "He Lives," I found myself singing "She" for "He," and did that for all the pronouns re: the Divine for the entirety of the evening (though I still sang all the "Lords" -- though I sometimes whispered "Queen" when it said "King," and I did sing "Child" for "Son" and "Mother" for "Father"). (Though in "O Come All Ye Faithful" I was tempted to leave "o come let us adore him" because saying "adore her" in that context made me think of Marian Adoration.) I was really startled at how it helped make these familiar words new (I kept wanting to use the word "reclamatory").

Introing "In the Garden," Pastor Bill talked about how the author had a dream and he started by saying that he saw a figure of a woman; I thought, "It's Jesus!" and was really surprised that this guy was going the Julian of Norwich route or whatever; but it was Mary (at the tomb, and then John shows up, and then Jesus comes out of the tomb).

Every time I heard someone say "Merry Christmas" I thought, "Happy Hannukah" (which had started at sundown that night) and "Blessed Advent," but I didn't actually say anything to anyone (I don't think anyone said it directly to me except maybe like as they were leaving).

There wasn't anything that outright offended me. Oh, except Joe F. talked about MC'ing Stacie's Black History Month concert and how he was like, "You know I'm white, right?" and he said that honestly he doesn't think she sees that and isn't that great, that's how God is. I internally facepalmed. A metaphor that occurred to me today was: Nobody says, "Look at this wonderful garden," wanting the viewer to say, "Oh, I don't see roses or tulips, I just see beautiful flowers, isn't that great?"

+

Waiting for the train at Montello on Saturday, I heard a guy say to another guy: "Survivor Series -- Stephanie and Shane sold WCW and ECW to Rick Flair. And Steve Austin came back and took out Kurt Angle and became a face again. I don't know how he did it, he just did." I haven't watched WWFE in years, but oh, my heart.

church is what i do with my free time

2009-12-14T03:43:44Z

Last Sunday morning, Tiffany's facebook status was "Tiffany is journeying through the wilderness to the water's edge."

She preached (sacred texts: Baruch 5:5-9, Luke 3:1-6, and an excerpt from Three Dreams in the Desert by Olive Schreiner) about preparing the way and those who go before us and talked about CWM's founding and the people in those very first weeks who had such a profound impact on how CWM is today and invited us to recall those we remember who no longer worship here with us, and then she segued into saying that her path is diverging from ours and we will continue to do great things and the stones that have helped build this path will always be there -- and one day someone else will be preaching in this pulpit and will invite the congregation to remember those who went before and they will name us :)

I had known since Tuesday's Charge Conference that her last Sunday as our pastor would be February 14. (Her appointment as Dean of the Chapel at Syracuse begins March 1.) But it wasn't to be public knowledge until she announced it in person to the full congregation, which was really hard for me. I expected to feel grief all over again at her announcement, but the only thing I felt was relief that I could grieve publicly now. (Admittedly, I was also spent from the week.)

***

We're doing Advent Bible Study at CWM, and last Sunday we did the Canticle of Zechariah (Luke 1:68-79). In talking about light in the darkness and preparing the way and all that, Tiffany mentioned that Mary Daly often asks her why she stays in the church, and Tiffany's response is to invoke the story of Plato's Cave -- the church is in darkness, and so she feels called to go back and dwell in the darkness to tell people of the light. But in talking with us she talked about how leaving the darkness of the cave the light is overwhelming and so maybe we want to go back into the comfort of the darkness. I thought of Ian's concern about my playing it safe re: my career choices. I still stand by all the things I have said in pushing back against his concerns, but I also continue to think about his concerns.

Transforming worship space into fellowship space before dinner that Sunday (Bible Study was after dinner), Carolyn and I were carrying a table and then realized there was stuff on the floor in our way and someone joked about "make the paths straight" or something, and Carolyn said, "Prepare the way for Elizabeth -- oh wait, we can't say that until she answers her call to ministry." (I was like, "Hush, you -- what are you, the ~~Metatron~~ voice of God?")

Monday morning before prayer service, there was something FCS-Ian couldn't find in the chapel, and I said there might be some in the pulpit 'cause I knew there were some the Friday before the first Sunday of Advent -- I explained that I knew because I'd been helping to decorate the sanctuary for Advent; "I forget why I was in the pulpit..."
Ian: "Getting a feel for it... Is that still funny? Is that obnoxious now?" (I assured him it wasn't obnoxious.)

At SCBC Adult Ed last Sunday, Owen said they got my invite and are looking forward to coming to hear me preach. I referred to Borg and Crossan's The First Christmas during Adult Ed at one point and afterward, Betty asked me for the title again so she could write it down, so I handed her the book. (She was surprised that public libraries have books on religion -- because of the separation of church and state? I dunno and I didn't ask. I am amused that my ILL copy is from Norwood.). I said, "I can't believe I'm inviting people to hear me preach at my radical, queer, progressive church." (Yes, I said all three of those words. \o/ ) Betty said she's looking forward to it and said she's going to ask Margaret if she wants to come.

***

At morning prayer service on Monday, I said I wanted to do one of the readings (which is an optional/encouraged way for attendees to participate in the service), and FCS-Ian asked which one, and I said I didn't know what the Old and New Testament readings were because I hadn't read the daily lectionary because I haven't finished my sermon for yesterday and so in my head I'm not allowed to read the next week's lectionary yet, only I forgot that of course I'll read it at morning prayer because we're doing daily lectionary.

The texts were Isaiah 40:1-11 and Romans 8:22-25.

I liked them both, but I chose Isaiah because I liked it better and because it's longer (and it's more important that it be read dramatically).
And after I finished I said, "The word of God, for the people of God. (Thanks be to God.)" Because I have turned into that person. I did the Old Testament reading on Tuesday, and I almost prefaced it with "Hear what the Spirit is saying to the Church" -- which is what we say after the Sacred Text reading at Rest and Bread. (Later in the week I was rewriting the Scripture I read to use gender-neutral language.)

At CHPC last Sunday, we started our three-week Advent study on Borg and Crossan's The First Christmas, and Karl wanted us to start with actually reading (aloud) the Matthean and Lukan birth narratives (Matthew 1-2 and Luke 1:5-2:40), starting with Matthew. "Are we really going to read the entire genealogy in Matthew?" I asked, looking at how it took up an entire column of text.
Karl said to just read until I got tired and then someone else would read some. I am of course am stubborn (and love lay reading), so I read the whole Matthean genealogy. (I think some people clapped after I was done.) After we'd finished Luke, Karl said, "Luke 3:23-38 -- that's all you, Elizabeth." So I read that aloud. It's actually much harder to read aloud than Matthew's, despite being shorter -- the "son of" repetition meant I started to stumble over the vowel in "son;" plus I think Luke's names are harder to pronounce than Matthew's.

+

I told Ari about Annie's Year A liturgy proposal for CWM.

Ari: "I assume she's doing this for seminary rather than for fun" -- because it is totally the kind of thing we would do for fun, because we are ~~crazy~~ Those People. I assured her that Annie's doing it for her D.Min. I was telling Jason about this Monday night, and he goes, "demon?"

At Charge Conference, the D.S. [District Superintendent] asserted that pastors really value getting to create worship
Apparently the Book of Discipline says the pastor is responsible for worship. I was telling Ari this and of course found myself wanting to look up exactly where that is and what else it says. Apparently I need my own copy of the UMC Book of Discipline? [I assumed one would just order a copy from Cokesbury, but apparently it is also available in ebook.]

+

Ari and I were talking about the Creation Museum woman at the UCN church fair, and I said that after my brain stopped being stuck on "I believe the Bible is [a creationist]" being such bad grammar, my next thought was, "But there are two Creation stories in Genesis." Ari pointed out that there are also Creation stories in Job, Proverbs... "Almost as if it weren't a factual history, but expressing the idea of God's powerful, creative, generative, love for all creation."

She talked some about mothering love and whether that was problematic terminology because not everyone has a good mother (so not everyone would have positive associations with the term "mothering love") and immediately she thought, "But everyone has [a good mother in] Jesus."

Jesus as Mother of course makes me of Julian of Norwich which makes me think of my mom (and sk8eeyore).

In talking about gendering Jesus, Ari mentioned the historical Jesus as being "read as male," and because I've been reading Borg and Crossan I thought, "Yes, I suppose that is more accurate -- since we are getting the Biblical author's understandings of their experiences and their attempts to articulate those experiences, rather than literal historical fact." It wasn't until we were talking later that I consciously registered that she had posited Jesus as trans.

We talked about how "Away in a Manger" is problematic because the statement about baby Jesus not crying at the disruption implies a supernatural creature rather than a wholly ~~divine~~ human one. I said to Ari, "I don't know if that makes my Christology higher or lower [because my instinct is to say it's a higher Christology, but that can't be right because I'm emphasizing the "fully human" aspect rather than the "fully divine"]." She provided the word I was looking for: "orthodox."

So I am becoming more orthodox at the same time as I am becoming more radical. Ari said, "Because orthodox Christianity IS radical."

This reminded me (from Latin 1 class) that radix=root, and yeah, digging into the texts (and the traditions) to find what is at the root, to clear away what has been built up over it which is obscuring our view, to try to be transparent to the Ground of Being.

I hadn't realized (or had forgotten) that I don't actually like "Away in a Manger" until we sang it at morning prayer service one day the first week in Advent this year. I also think we shouldn't sing Christmas carols during Advent. Rev.S. had mentioned a piece from Working Preacher about how singing Christmas carols during Advent is legit. We think she probably meant the David Lose piece rather than the Marc Kolden, but they are both rather failsome.

"With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation." (Isaiah 12:3)

2009-12-11T01:58:47Z

The friend I was supposed to have coffee/dinner with had to reschedule, so I got to walk all the way home. \o/

By my cell phone timer, it was 1hr17min from my office building to my porch, including stopping at the bank to make a deposit for church.

weather.com said it was 35F (feels like 25F) at 6:25pm

Yes, it has been cold enough long enough that I have acclimated and am loving this. (It was really weird when we kept having sporadic cold-ish days and *I* felt uncomfortably cold -- because hi, I love the cold; that is not how this is supposed to go.)

Yesterday morning was cold rain that was sometimes mixed with heavy snow, and my concern was really that the sidewalks were slick. (Though I also don't especially enjoy my feet being soggy -- I really need to get new gym sneakers.) When I went to get lunch, I was all prepared to take the tunnels, but I checked how it looked outside just in case, and it was just raining lightly, so I jogged over to Spangler, and oh I love the fresh air and being in motion.

***

I have so many LJ entries in draft form.

My energy has pretty much all gone to work and to some personal stuff.

***

meme: If I came with a warning label, what would it say?

"the world don't owe me nothing, even though i want it to"

2009-12-06T01:09:08Z

UCN's church fair was today, from 9am-3pm. I'd intended to get there around 9, but I snoozed my alarm for a half an hour (9 hours of sleep and yet I am tired) and then was on the Internet over breakfast, so I got there around 9:45.

Early on, I heard Eileen S. recommend to someone that they watch the 22-minute (pro-) Creation Museum video that her husband was showing in the other room. I had the twin sensations of wanting to throw up and feeling like my head was going to implode.

One of the new guys (David the younger) kept saying "Happy Holidays" to customers, which threw me every time, because UCN post-schism* is a conservative evangelical church of the sort that thinks that's part of the War on Christmas or whatever. Eileen told him that she doesn't say "Happy Holidays" to ANYONE, and when salespeople say "Happy Holidays" to her, she says that if every Christian stopped shopping they [the retailers] wouldn't have much of a holiday season.

* The church I grew up in was an apolitical Protestant church with a Baptist/Congregational sort of polity structure but no particular denominational affiliation. When I was in high school, we had an influx of young (like age 30-ish) folks with a lot of energy and a very conservative evangelical slant. They basically took over the church, and Pastor Bill (who has been the pastor there since I was 9 years old) let them. A whole lot of people (the older people who were the church for me) left (as much because of the way the changes were steamrolled as because of the nature of the changes), and I stopped considering United "my" church. Ironically, most (all?) of those first wave people have since left over other debacles. (I remember Eileen's husband Jim -- who's a geologist or something -- talking about scientific arguments for Creationism in Adult Ed or something, so they must have pre-dated the schism, because one of the influx people became the Young Adult Minister and so I stopped going to Adult Ed once there was an actual Young Adult program.)

I chimed in (yes, I know that was obviously a mistake) that I didn't think buying things for people was exactly in the spirit of Christmas. (As soon as it was out of my mouth I realized it sounded wrong, because of course generosity to others is in the Christmas spirit whereas what I'd meant was that the focus on spending money on material goods misses the point of Christmas.) She said something in response, and I think she hadn't heard me quite correctly. I responded that I think secular Christmas and religious Christmas are very different, so I don't have a problem with people wishing me a Happy Holidays because when salespeople wish me a "Merry Christmas" I think, "Your Christmas is not my Christmas."

She was on her way out, and we didn't really go any further with that, but she recommended that I check out the Creation Museum video showing in the other room.
Eileen: "I think you'll really like it."
me: "I think I really won't."
Eileen: "Maybe you're not a creationist."
me: "Yeah, I'm not."
Eileen: "Well, I think the Bible is."

I am very much an Englightenment kind of girl who wants/needs her Bible to be literally factually true, but I find myself channeling Marcus Borg and thinking, "not only do I not believe in the story of Creation the same way you do [and hi, there are two Creation stories, so where exactly is the line that demarcates which Bible stories we have to accept as literally true?] but why does this even matter? Where is the Good News here?" (I'm reading Borg and Crossan's The First Christmas right now, and one thing that really struck me was Borg's emphasis on "what does this MEAN?" rather than on whether something was literally factually true or not, and while in other books he has used language like "history metaphorized," here he brought up the idea of parables -- that if someone tried to insist to you that there literally was or was not a Samaritan who helped a wounded guy by the side of the road you would be like, "But you are totally missing the point!")

A few minutes later, around 10:15, my mom came down. I hugged her a lot.

My mom came down again around 11:30 to get my grandma (and me) for lunch.

Over lunch, I said to my mom, "On the plus side, nobody has asked me if I've lost weight." [I decided years ago -- like early in my college career -- that when people see you looking happy etc., they think, "you look good," and the only/dominant framework they have in which to understand that is "You've lost weight." I, of course, find this problematic on a whole number of levels.] My mother said, as she had at Thanksgiving, that she thinks that regardless of whether I'm actually skinnier, people are likely to think I have because I'm more toned (because I work out); I can accept this interpretation.

Downstairs, one of the customers was Mary K. (one of the sweet old ladies from the library) and we chatted a bit and I wanted to say, "How's the library? I haven't really been back to visit since Terry doesn't work there anymore," but I didn't have opportunity to.

When Deb was asking me what I'd been up to, I told her various true and important things, and I wanted to say, "and I've been going to lots of radical queer progressive church" but I didn't have opportunity to.

sweet_adelheid: I saw The Color of Water and thought of you and picked it up.
fox1013: I picked up The Snowy Day because it made me think of you.
I also picked up Inkheart just because.

I came home via the grocery store at Porter Square, and around the Powder House Rotary, I was praying, "I pray for grace and wisdom to offer the love and support necessary even when I am feeling rage and bitterness," [not re: UCN, ftr] when I noticed there was snow on my hoodie.

My new camera arrived. It is so small.

Housemate: "I'm going over to Rachel's. I would invite you for the dinner, but Ricky's making beef, so ... not so much your thing."

And I still haven't finished writing my sermon for tomorrow.

[mental health] on anger

2009-12-04T14:15:41Z

There are definitely things I am bad at (dealing with), but I am really grateful that I have no problem being angry -- that I don't feel any guilt or anything around being angry with people, even people I like/love/admire/whatever. (I am often really quick to put myself in the other person's position and rationalize their behavior, but I still don't feel like there's anything wrong with me for being angry with them.)

from an email conversation with my brother tonight

2009-12-03T03:27:42Z

George: have you come up with a wishlist for mom yet? i feel like this is harder for me every year

me: I named some CDs and DVD seasons I hadn't gotten around to buying for myself yet. Mostly I think what I would like for Christmas is more free time, and more motivation to do stuff like clearing clutter out of my room.

George: too bad you cant wrap that :)

[Rest and Bread] Advent 1 [2009-12-02]

2009-12-03T03:26:14Z

[FirstChurch Mailing List] Advent at Rest and Bread, 6:30 tonight

Want to be still enough to see if the kingdom of God within is coming? Want to pray for the return of the light? Need to participate in the mystery of communion until the mystery of the returning Savior is revealed? Come for Rest and Bread tonight at 6:30.

Music for meditation begins at 6:15.

Deacons meeting will follow.

We hope to share our light with you.

Laura Ruth

When I got to church, it was literally 74F in the chapel. I was not pleased. There were lots of people in the office (which was also excessively hot), so I opted to just stand in the doorway of the chapel (I'd propped open the outside door) and finish reading the chapter I was in in The First Christmas. I was feeling really cranky that I was the first person there but I didn't know anything about how they wanted it set up (the space was still set up for morning prayer, which was going to need at least a little tweaking to make it work for this service).

After I'd finished my chapter, I went up Laura Ruth's office and she wasn't there so I went to get something from the office and she was there and she gave me the Advent bulletins and the announcement insert, so I went back to the chapel and prepared that stuff. I was cranky that we still don't capitalize "Spirit" in "Hear what the spirit is saying to the church." I was cranky that the Assurance of Grace is now a single sentence ("People of God, we are forgiven" -- with a response: "Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel!" which I hadn't realized we were actually going to sing until we got to that part). And then Laura Ruth gave me the "Song of Wonder" insert (what we're doing for Advent instead of reading a Psalm together, apparently -- this week it was singing "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear," verses 1 and 3) and she said they were cut crookedly and I realized that meant that they weren't cut evenly in half by a longshot, which made me cranky.

After I'd finished all the set up, I sat back down in the back with my book. When Laura Ruth left to get some more stuff, she said, "Think about what part of the service you want to do, okay?" And I said okay.

I think then Keith came in and we were talking and that's why I was standing up when she came back. Anyway, she asked, "Do you wanna..." and I was like, "Yeah, okay, if you want me to," and she said, "What am I gonna say?" (meaning, I believe, "You know that everytime you say, 'What do you want me to do?' I say, "What do YOU want to do?'") and I said, "No, it's fine, I'll do it."

I wanted her to notice that I was sullen and somewhat withdrawn, that I wasn't my usual self. I wanted her to ask me how I was, to ask me if I was okay, to ask me what was wrong.

The Sacred Text was two excerpts from Isaiah -- one from chapter 59 (around verse 9) and the second one I mouuthed along to because it was Isaiah 9:2.

The Reflection was kinda meh.

I did my usual spiel for Call to Confession, and I left 45 seconds for silent confession (as I have been doing in recent weeks).

I don't remember at which point during the service I started to feel okay, to be able to let go of all my crankiness and control. (I do know that I tried to shift out of that cranky controlling mindset during the pre-service meditation period because I knew that otherwise I was going to want to spend the entire silent confession time turning myself back toward God and that was going to take way longer than anyone wanted to sit there.)

***

Lindsay was saying she's domestically challenged -- that she's really bad at ironing things, tends to just hang them up in the bathroom. "You're being ecolologically conscious," I said. "I like that reframing," she said. "I hang out with liberals, so I get really good at reframing -- mostly so I can be a brat," I said. "You're not a brat," Laura Ruth said, hugging me. "Well, in your heart you are," and then she stopped, appalled at herself and flummoxed as to how to fix it. I knew what she meant and she finally managed to articulate: "In your heart you're not, but sometimes in your presentation you are." Which, true.

Lindsay and Keith (and I think Gary) all thought I was preaching this coming Sunday, which amused me. After morning prayer today, Ian and I talked some about my preaching and he said he couldn't come 'cause they're moving this month and I was like, "I'm preaching next month." (I was reminded of "my" Ian and the last party I had.) So I had actually started almost expecting that people were gonna show up to CWM this Sunday, which hey, Tiffany is awesome, so of course I think people should come to my church.

Anyway, we ended up also talking about The Crossing and Advent and Jewish circumcision and I love getting to talk church/theology/etc. with people. Apparently Lindsay does, too, which I hadn't really realized though I suppose it shouldn't surprise me.

Apparently this is not on the list of things I find tacky about the secular Christmas season.

2009-12-02T15:59:48Z

I didn't go to the Slutcracker last year, so I am determined to go this year. Anyone wanna come with? I can go Sat. Dec. 12 or 19 or Thurs. Dec. 17.

first Tuesday in Advent, morning

2009-12-01T14:16:54Z

First Church is doing 7am morning prayer on weekdays during Advent, so for the second morning in a row I have gotten up 20 minutes earlier (i.e., now 5:40am) and attended. I intend to keep it up for the duration of Advent.

Tuesday has us read the Canticle of Zechariah (Monday is the Magnificat), and I'd forgotten how much I love it.

[I'm not sure exactly which version we used, so I'm just pulling the NRSV and inclusifying it; I think the prayer service is all fairly well inclusified/non-hierarchicalized ... though whatever Bible Ian was reading from this morning for the daily lectionary had an overabundance of "Sovereign Lord."]

And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;
     for you will go before the Holy One to prepare the way,
to give knowledge of salvation to God's people
     by the forgiveness of their sins.
By the tender mercy of our God,
     the dawn from on high will break upon us,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
     to guide our feet into the way of peace.

It reminds me of a sermon Tiffany preached about how we are all called to be John the Baptist -- to prepare the way of our God.

After a couple days of unseaonably warm weather, it is appropriately beautiful winter weather today (i.e., mid-30s F right now).

And leaving my house twenty minutes early means I see the sunrise again (fiery orange tinged with red yesterday, soft pink today).

I also remembered to make my future-dated Christmas post yesterday.

un/preacher announcement

2009-11-30T02:24:19Z

because it's buried in my cut-tagged post about my vacation, Announcement: I'm preaching at CWM on Baptism of Jesus Sunday (January 10^th ... 5pm).

If you're local, I'll probably facebook/evite you, just so that you have the relevant information; you're not obligated to come.

Edit: Ugh, I forgot how stressful invitation selection is.

happy liturgical new year

2009-11-30T02:23:11Z

When Sara and Kate came over for dinner earlier this month, we used some of Melissa's cookware, which led to me and Melissa talking about Thanksgiving plans -- i.e., she was going to be hosting family Thanksgiving in our apartment, so would that be an inconvenience for me or was I going to be out of town?

I said I would be at my parents' for Thanksgiving, though only for Thanksgiving Day, and talked about how I'd be meeting my brother's girlfriend for the first time and how my brother had invited me to the Aquarium with him and his girlfriend for the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
Melissa: "So you won't be bringing Jason."
me: "Um, yeah, I wasn't really planning on making it a double-date or anything."
Melissa: "No, I meant to Thanksgiving."
me: "Um, no..." [thinking: "He has multiple long-term significant others; I just assumed he had plans."]

I was surprised that she was surprised that although my parents haven't actually met Jason they totally know about him.

Melissa and I went to Thanksgiving at Local 50 the night after Thanksgiving (from about 7-11pm).

There were more people than I was expecting (I was expecting some approximation of being able to fit around their dining room table, but it was more comparable to the number of people who are usually at their parties), but I say that as a value-neutral statement. I wasn't particularly talkative, but I did chat with some people, and I've been to enough Local 50 parties that most of the people feel familiar so I don't feel particularly uncomfortable just kind of hanging out quietly.

And I got hello and goodbye hugs from Jason of the "I am ever so glad to see you" sort, which is always nice.

I told people I'm gonna be preaching January 10 (Baptism of Jesus Sunday) and various people were all, "Oh, I wanna come here you preach," which surprised me 'cause they weren't necessarily people who I think of as being particularly interested in theology or particularly good friends of mine.

***

On Monday, Laura Ruth emailed the listserv saying that at 11:00 Friday morning they'd be decorating the sanctuary for Advent -- and she sent a couple of reminder emails throughout the week.

I showed up at like five minutes of eleven. Like I do. I wandered around the church a bit, debating about poking my head into Laura Ruth's office. At 11:00 she came into the sanctuary. I said, "My 11:00 is not other people's 11:00." Laura Ruth agreed. But within a few minutes, Harold and Betsy and the male Duhamels showed up.

About quarter to one, Laura Ruth and Betsy and I went down to the church office to try to make a double-sided cardtock print job work.

After we'd been working on it for about 45 minutes and I'd basically given up (though Laura Ruth hadn't -- sidebar: on Thanksgiving, my brother's girlfriend was gobsmacked at my mother's assertion that I'm more stubborn than my brother is), Ari called, so I took that call, which lasted for ~3hrs, with interruptions for:
(1) me to make a phone call -- "Hi, Laura Ruth, it's Elizabeth. The side door won't lock behind me and I would like permission to leave."
(2) me to take a call from my brother about what kind of digital camera I want (mine has ceased working, so since we were getting my mom one for Christmas he picked out one for me, too, and they're both getting shipped to me so I can giftwrap mom's, and I wrote him a check for the relevant amount); my options were blue or red, and my instinct was blue because I always get neutral colors, but I decided actually I wanted the red one.

Laura Ruth emailed us later:

I'm writing to thank you for your wonderful work today. It was a pleasure to see you, a pleasure to work with you.

Our church looks beautiful. You made it so. Thank you.

***

And Saturday was the Aquarium. So I didn't feel like I really got much "at home" "vacation" this week.

I was tired this morning and I don't know if it's because I got "only" ~8hrs of sleep, if it's because I got up ~7:30am instead of ~9am, if it's because I'm starting my period, or what.

I accomplished my Advent 1 sermon before leaving for morning church. I'm not all that happy with it, but I finished it. And I got really lovely comments on it from cadenzamuse, which improved my afternoon.

[CHPC / CWM] Advent 1 [2009-11-29]

2009-11-30T02:21:40Z

CHPC

A Litany for Advent
[One] Holy God, this is earth's quiet season, the season of waiting.
[All] We rest in the shelter of your love.
[One] This is the season of darkness, when we seek stars to guide us.
[All] We trust in the light of your promise.
[One] This is the season of solitude, when we listen for our own heart's rhythm.
[All] We find warmth in the signs of your presence.
[One] This is the season to make room, a time to make ready.
[All] For we shall join the angels' chorus.
[One] Peace on earth, goodwill to all.
[All] Peace on earth, goodwill to all.
(Keri Wehlander)

Unison Prayer
Come to us, Anointed One, come as we search the Scriptures and see God's hidden purpose; come as we walk the lonely road, needing a companion; come when life mystifies and perplexes us; come into our disappointments and unease; come unto our time together now, and, coming, open our eyes to recognize you. Amen. (Donald Hilton, adapted)

Prayer of Confession
All-embracing God, you know the cares that weigh us down and the snares that trap us. Grant us strength to confront the evil within us and to turn away from the wrong that we originate or allow. We confess that we have missed the signs of your presence and our vision is narrow and uninspired. Forgive and restore us, that we may once again live into the time of your advent. Amen. (Lavon Baylor, adapted)

Scripture
1 Thessalonians 5:1-11
Luke 21:25-36

Sermon: "Signs for the Season of Advent"

Affirmation of Faith

We believe in a bright and amazing God.
Who has been to the depths of despair
on our behalf,
Who has risen in splendour and majesty;
Who decorates the universe
With sparkling water and clear white light,
Twinkling stars and sharp colours,
Over and over again.

We believe that Jesus is the light of the world;
That God believes in us, and trusts us,
Even though we make the same mistakes
Over and over again.

We commit ourselves
To Jesus,
To one another as brothers and sisters,
And to the Maker's business in the world.

God said: Let there be light.
Amen.

-Abbey Worship Book

Prayer of Christ
Holy One, our only home, hallowed be your name. May your day dawn, your will be done, here as in heaven. Feed us today, and forgive us as we forgive each other. Do not forsake us at the test, but deliver us from evil. For the glory, the power, and the mercy are yours, now and forever. Amen. (from "The Upper Room Worshipbook")

CWM

[Tiffany emailed me the bulletin when she asked me if I would be willing to do the Gospel reading, so you get the full order of service, with some edits, and I don't include the words for all the hymns.]

Preparing the Path: The First Sunday of Advent

Prelude and Moment of Meditation
Make me to know your ways, O God; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long. God leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble the Holy way. All the paths of God are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep the covenant and God’s decrees. -Psalm 25

Welcome

Advent Introit (UMH 207) "Prepare the Way of the One"

Call to Worship [written by Jeanyne Slettom, 2009]
[One] We come from the busyness of our lives, for quiet reflection, for the light of God’s love is discernible everywhere.
[All] We seek to be surprised by wonder, and set aside time to offer quiet thanks.
[One] The good news of Advent is this: Christ is coming. Christ is always coming.
[All] Let us prepare the path for coming of Christ into the world and into our lives that we might be bearers of hope this season and always.

Lighting of the Advent Candle [The Candle Liturgy is written by K. Hawker and published by Rex Hunt.]
[One] Winter is in the air:
we look for the joys ahead;
for holy-days and recreation,
waiting and discerning.
[All] Come, companion Jesus, and walk with us.
[One] Let us prepare a path for the Holy to come into our lives. Let us prepare a place in our hearts for the birth of the sacred.
Light One Candle
[One] Why do we light one candle?
[All] This candle reminds us of the light of hope.
Hope like a seed buried deep within the earth;
hidden, covered by layers,
disappointment, struggle, pain;
buried yet stretching,
growing and becoming. Hope
like a seed becoming new life.
[All] This is why we light a candle for hope.

Opening Hymn (UMH 211) "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel"
I gleed when I saw this in the bulletin because when Tiffany and I talked about Advent planning, I mentioned how this is my favorite Advent hymn and it made me sad when the first Sunday in Advent last year neither of my churches did it.

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Child of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come thou Wisdom from on high
No more let us in darkness abide;
To us the path of righteousness show,
And lead us in thy ways to go.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shines forth for thee, O Israel.

O come, thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of thy people be.
Before thee, let all fearfulness fall;
We trust in thee: on thee alone we call.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall steadfast be, O Israel.

O come, thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by thine advent here;
Disperse oppressive clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel brings joy to thee, O Israel.

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of humankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And now begin Thy Reign of Peace.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall heal thy strife, O Israel.

The Service of God’s Word

Children's Time

Scripture Lessons
Jeremiah 33:14-16
Luke 21: 25-36

We clearly had an "selections from" Luke, though (although Tiffany actually talked about the fig tree bit a little in her sermon).

Jeremiah 33:14-16

The days are surely coming, says our God, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah. In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up from David; who shall execute justice and righteousness in the land. In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will live in safety. And this is the name by which it will be called: "The Holy One is our righteousness."

Luke 21: 25-36

Jesus said to the disciples:
'There will be signs in the sun and moon and stars;
on earth nations in agony, bewildered
by the clamour of the ocean and its waves;
people dying of fear as they await
what menaces the world,
for the powers of heaven will be shaken.

And then they will see the Promised One
coming in the cloud with power and great glory.

When these things begin to take place,
stand erect, hold your heads high,
because your liberation is near at hand...'

Be on guard so that your hearts are not weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of this life, and that day catch you unexpectedly, like a trap. For it will come down on every living person on the face of the earth.

'Stay awake, praying at all times
for the strength to survive all that is going to happen,
and to stand with confidence before the Promised One.'

Special Music
Cassandra did a "nontraditional" piece -- a mashup of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "What a Wonderful World."

Contemporary Lesson: "God's Dream" by Thomas John Carlisle

God's dream
and destination
is a day
when all flesh
in all places
is sensitive
receptive
welcoming
to torrents
freshets
cataracts
floods
and deluges
and inundations
of the Spirit.

Reflection [edit: blogpost version /edit]

The Prayers of the People

Our Prayers

A Prayer for World AIDS Day
As a worshiping community, we have been challenged by such a moment as this! A moment when we know we are living with AIDS and that we are loved and affirmed. A moment in which we can offer compassion to those with AIDS and HIV. A moment where we can sit and comfort those who suffer illness or grieve loss. A moment when we stand in solidarity with the care partners, health care workers, and researchers as they continue their diligent labor. A moment and an opportunity to be with all those who are ill with any disease. Those worried, fearful or weary. Those carrying others in prayer. In this moment: We all stand in need of God's healing.

Call to Prayer (TFWS 2202) “Come Away with Me” v. 1

Pastoral Prayer and Jesus’ Prayer

(We invite you to pray in the language or tradition in which you feel most comfortable.)
Our Creator, who is in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kin-dom* come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil, for yours is the kin-dom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

from the "Notes About Our Worship" on the back of the bulletin:
Communion is open to all persons. You need not be a member of this church or any church to partake of the meal. All those who desire a relationship with the Divine are welcome to the feast. We use grape juice and dairy free bread as our communion elements. Cambridge Welcoming Ministries is committed to inclusive and emancipatory language for God and humanity in our worship services. Through our language we seek to embody the vision of peace and justice known in our faith tradition and taught by Jesus. For this reason, our liturgy refers to God’s kin-dom as a way of referring to the traditional image of the vision of Shalom, God’s Reign or God’s Commonwealth in non-hierarchical ways that prioritize relationships, mutuality and familial community among all of Creation.

Offering Ourselves and Our Gifts

Offertory Hymn (TFWS 2044) "My Gratitude Now Accept, O God" v. 1&2

Passing of the Peace

Giving Thanks at the Table

Ours is an open table. You need not be United Methodist to partake. All persons who desire Christ are welcome to the feast. Regardless of your denomination, your race, gender, class, sexuality, ability or age, Christ has invited you! Come!

[The Communion Liturgy was adapted from Following Frodo.]

[One] God is with us
[All] We are not alone
[One] Christ is present here
[All] The Spirit moves within us
[One] Let us give thanks to God
[All] In memory and in hope

[One] Blessings be to you, Creator God, who in the beginning brought light and life to the world and who continues to bring it love and light everlasting.
[All] Your song of wisdom echoes through the ages, your ancient promise still brings us hope.
[One] Over the ages you have called people to embrace your hope and share your love.
[All] But even when they have closed their ears to the song you did not stop singing.
[One] You sent prophets and messengers to your people, reminding them of the promised time of peace and justice that would surround the world.
[All] They came in the midst of our despair and filled us with hope.

[One] And then you came to a young woman named Mary and laid out the promise in a new way
[All] Promising her a child, who would be called Jesus
Promising her that in her child the world would be changed
[One] And now as we prepare for that child to be born, we echo the ancient cry:
[All] O come, O come Emmanuel!

[One] As we prepare to celebrate the birth of this One, we remember the life that this baby will live.
[All] We remember how Jesus broke the bonds of human tradition to show all what the Banquet of Hope could be as he ate openly with the despised and the outcast of the world.
[One] And we remember one special meal with Jesus’ closest friends.
[All] Gathering them together in an upper room, Jesus prepared them for liberation.

The Breaking of the Bread and the Sharing of the Cup

[One] God, you poured your Spirit on Mary and she sang words of defiance and hope. And so, now we, as the priesthood of all believers sing these words of blessing and hope:
[All] Pour out your Spirit upon us gathered here. As we eat and drink may we know your presence. As we eat and drink may we be opened to the possibilities of your hope and power and may we be strengthened in our time of waiting for peace and justice so that we will have the courage to make the Advent promise a reality.

Feasting at the Table
We invite all who desire the Divine in their lives to come forward. Take a piece of the bread and dip it into the cup. Take, eat and know you are God's beloved!

Hymn: "Hamba Nathi" (Come walk with us, the journey is long...)

Going Forth

Closing Prayer
All this we ask in the name of Jesus: feed us daily, hold us fast, calm our fears and send us forth boldly, joyfully and ever faithful in your spirit.. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Announcements

Closing Hymn: "God You Alone Know What You’ve Planned" (to the tune of "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear")

God, you alone know what you’ve planned For earth and sky and sea.
Creation waits your loving hand To bring in what will be.
When things we trust in shift and shake And sorrows multiply,
We hear you calling, “Keep awake! Redemption is close by!”

O Christ, you taught us, “Watch the trees As seasons change each year,
For when they bud and grow new leaves You know that summer’s near.”
May we look round this changing earth And see with faith-filled eyes
Your signs of newness, life and birth That witness to the wise.

Though heav’n and earth will pass away, Your word will still be true.
O Holy One, on that great day, We’ll be secure in you.
For at the close of history When all that’s past shall end,
The one who judges us will be No stranger, but a friend.

So by your Spirit may we share The life you’re bringing forth:
May we seek justice, end despair, And work to heal the earth.
For there’s a new day coming near With no more death or pain;
Till then, we’ll seek to serve you here And welcome in your reign.

Benediction and Grace

[unpreached sermon #8] We Light the Candle of Hope Today

2009-11-29T14:57:27Z

Advent 1C - November 29, 2009

Jeremiah 33:14-16
Psalm 25:1-10
1 Thessalonians 3:9-13
Luke 21:25-36

We Light the Candle of Hope Today

This is the first Sunday of Advent. The first Sunday of Year C -- the new liturgical year. Happy New Year, Church.

I have a complicated relationship with Advent. I love this season -- the candles and evergreens, talismans against the darkness; the Advent wreath increasingly filled with light even as (here in the Northern Hemisphere) there is increasingly less sunlight in our days. But so much of what I love is the celebration -- which feels inappropriate in a season that is defined by waiting. I love the joy -- and that's not for two more Sundays. The first Sunday in Advent is the Sunday of Hope. I think so much of what I love about Advent is that it means that Christmas is almost here. My joy in Advent is a joy about all the things I have loved around Christmas before and which I know (or hope) I will experience again. Which maybe isn't so inappropriate after all.

Earlier this week I was feeling very anti-Advent, very anti-waiting. I was feeling sad and lonely and I wanted to focus on the Easter truths -- Christ is Risen; we are a resurrection people, redeemed, reclaimed, named, and sustained; death has lost its power over us; we are bright, brilliant, beloved children of God, and we are beautiful to behold. I didn't want to be in the dark waiting period; I wanted to hold on to the fierce power of the Easter truths. And of course at the same time, I knew that the waiting was a good practice. A lot of what was making me sad was that I wanted resolution to things that are a process, that I wanted time and affirmation and renewal and all sorts of things NOW -- in my time rather than in the time of those would be offering these gifts to me.

And so with that in mind, I return to the lectionary.

The prophet Jeremiah says:

"The days are surely coming," says HaShem, "when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah. In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up for David; who shall execute justice and righteousness in the land. In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will live in safety. And this is the name by which it will be called: 'HaShem is our righteousness.' "

The days are surely coming.

We do not know when those days will be, but we can trust in the assurance that they are coming.

My NRSV informs me that the Hebrew word for "righteousness" is tzedeq, which also means "legitimate," and talks about issues of legitimate rule. However, when I read that Hebrew word, my first thought was of tzedakah, which Jonathan Sacks devotes an entire chapter to in the the book The Dignity of Difference. Sacks introduces it with a passage from Genesis, where God says to Abraham: "For I have chosen Abraham so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep my way by doing what is right [tzedakah] and just [mishpat]" (Genesis 18:19a). Sacks says that mishpat means retributive justice, or the rule of law, while tzedakah refers to distributive justice; but he goes on to say that tzedakah combines the notions of charity and justice. Sacks say that tzedakah can be understood as what is often called "social justice" and goes on to explain this as "meaning that no one should be without the basic requirements of existence, and that those who have more than they need must share some of that surplus with those who have less" (114) and as being "about alleviating poverty in a way that makes for self-respect and independence" (125).

This surely sounds familiar to those of us at Cambridge Welcoming, the vision of God's Kindom which we are working toward.

My best friend's church is focusing on money and consumption as their theme this Advent, and if I were doing that, I would talk about how Sacks talks about what we have being held in trusteeship from God and what that means, and it would be a great sermon. But that's not the sermon I'm interested in preaching today. So instead we're going to continue to move through the lectionary.

Next is the Psalm. My favorite part of Psalm 25 is verses 6 and 7:

Be mindful of your mercy, O HaShem, and of your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for your goodness' sake, O HaShem!

I love this idea that God's love for us is so much deeper than our sins and transgressions. We so often turn away from God and outright hurt God, and when others do that to us we often hold a grudge, but God's love is so deep and abiding that we can trust that God will remember us with love.

Again, we are modeling the Kindom -- As far as the east is from the west, so far have our sins been removed from us (Psalm 103:12). Which, as Paul is at pains to tell us over and over again, does not give us license to sin, but instead we are assured that no matter how much we turn away from God, God is always welcoming us back.

In the letter to the Thessalonians, Paul writes:

How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy that we feel before our God because of you? Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you face to face and restore whatever is lacking in your faith.

Now may our God and Mother herself and our Sovereign Jesus direct our way to you. And may Christ make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, just as we abound in love for you. And may Christ so strengthen your hearts in holiness that you may be blameless before our God and Mother at the coming of our Sovereign Jesus with all the saints.

This passage almost makes me forget that we're in the Sunday of Hope rather than the Sunday of Joy. But of course, all of Paul's joy is an anticipatory hopeful joy -- the hope of joyful face-to-face encounter with those who are at the moment distant from us but to whom we are still connected in deep love. Yeah, you see where I'm going with that.

Paul also expresses his hope that the Thessalonians will be "blameless" before God at the Second Coming. I know it's easy to read this as some sort of demand that we be "good enough," that we be "worthy," but in working on this sermon I keep thinking of the parable of the maidens waiting for the bridegroom, and so when I hear Paul here I think of wanting to be our best for someone we love. Part of waiting for the Second Coming is preparing ourselves.

Moving on to the Gospel, I'm struck by verse 34 from the Luke passage -- "Be on guard so that your hearts are not weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of this life, and that day does not catch you unexpectedly."

Weighed down with drunkenness.

I'm not used to thinking of drunkenness as something that weighs you down. I'm used to thinking of it (at least in a Biblical context) as something that gives you such energy and takes you so out of yourself -- recall the times people have been accused of being drunk: Hannah's prayer to God with her lips moving but no sound coming out, the disciples at Pentecost speaking such that all gathered heard in their native language, ...

But Luke cautions us as we wait that our hearts not be "weighed down with drunkenness." The whole passage in Luke is about being alert for the Second Coming of the Christ -- complete with lots of doom and gloom imagery, but what is most important to me in that passage is the emphasis on being alert so that the Second Coming does not catch us unawares. How many times have you been so caught up in the worries of the day that you have failed to see the Holy Spirit moving in the world and in your life? I opened this sermon by talking about how I'd been feeling really down and so I didn't want to do Advent, I wanted to skip ahead to Easter. But of course I know that each day brings with it both joys and sadnesses, and I know the importance of being awake to the moments of joy.

World AIDS Day is this Tuesday -- December 1.

This past week, I saw a blogpost that said, "The HIV travel ban will officially be lifted on January 4. It's about time." I had no idea there was such a ban.

According to the L.A. Times, "The ban on infected foreigners began in 1987, when federal health officials added HIV to the list of communicable diseases that prevented people from entering the country. In 1993, Congress made it law."

I was four years old in 1987 and ten in 1993. I remember junior high school health classes that talked about Ryan White. I remember part of the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt being displayed in the gymnasium when I was in high school. When I first knew real live gay men -- in 2000, 2001 -- I don't think AIDS occurred to me. I'd binged on GLBT books (mostly fiction) a few years prior, and many year later I came across one of the books I'd read -- Earthshine by Theresa Nelson -- on a list of young adult fiction about people with AIDS. I had remembered that book as a powerful book, though I couldn't tell you any details about it, and I was completely surprised to see it on a list of books about AIDS. I still haven't gone back to the book to see if I just completely failed at retention or if it named the disease obliquely.

Last week, I also read a piece in The Economist about a report from the World Health Organisation and UNAIDS. The report estimated a 17% drop in the annual number of new infections compared with 2001. The report also states that over the five years to 2008, the number of AIDS-related deaths around the world fell by 10%. Admittedly, this still means that 2 million people die each year of AIDS-related causes, and each year 2.7 million new people are infected -- 1.9 million of them in Africa.

It's easy for me to stand up here a white, middle-class, cisgendered, American citizen, and talk about Hope.

I have hope about Christmas because I have experienced it before. What does it mean to hope for something you have never experienced?

The Christ child born in a stable to a couple of peasants was not how anyone was expecting the promised Messiah to enter the world, and throughout Jesus' life -- and death, and resurrection -- people's expectations about the Messiah were overturned.

Similarly, the Kindom of God will not be what we expect.

This first Sunday of Advent, I invite us to reflect on what it is that we are hoping for -- in our lives, in this Advent season, and in the Kindom.

Amen.

emotional, what?

2009-11-27T15:34:55Z

I kept waking up this morning from dreams wherein I was Really Emotional, which is unusual for me.

The first one: I was at church and Ari's pastor wasn't there [I must have been at Ari's church] and I was FURIOUS [at the pastor for not being there].

The next one, I had gone to a store or something with someone, and the person I was with was filling out her info in some card, and the person at the desk offered me an info card to fill out and called me by name, and I said, "I didn't tell you my name," and the person said, "Yes you did," and I decided not to push it, but I was really creeped out. Connected to this somehow was a big white church building (like the one on College Ave.) filled with creepy spirits (like I could literally see blue and red -- awake!me wonders now if this was connected to the fact that I finally watched "Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version" last night), and a whole bunch of people I knew were going, and I was really concerned. I was praying really hard, and later I was told that a whole group of people were holding them in prayer (like in literal protective spirit energy) -- only they could only do it for the women, and I wanted to know why we couldn't hold the men, too (Dan was particularly on my mind, I think because awake!me knows I owe him financial records for CWM's Council meeting this Sunday). Tiffany came back, and I practically jumped into her arms and hugged her hard I was so glad to see her, and she was glad to see me too. And then we shifted scenes and I agreed to some sort of vocational discernment meeting.

The last one was a Smith College reunion -- though nothing there actually resembled Smith (except eating in Hubbard), I just knew, that way one does in dreams, that it was a Smith reunion. This was intermixed with stuff that I'm not clear had any relation to Smith or reunion -- like Ian sitting on a couch sewing a quilt; and a whole bunch of dance-ish performances in a gymnasium which I kept interrupting by accident, thinking they were done or something; and people were getting married (at Reunion?), including Leilani (awake!me suspects this last bit is connected to the fact that in recent weeks two different people I know have gotten engaged what seems to me like really quickly). That one wasn't really emotional, and my 9:00 alarm woke me up during it -- at which point I got up.

Yeah, I think going to First Church to help them set up for Advent sounds like a good thing. (That's at 11am today, and I'd been planning to go anyway, but yeah.)

[church] prepare ye, prepare ye, the way of HaShem

2009-11-25T04:19:39Z

During Coffee Hour on Sunday after CHPC, Barbara (who's been coming to CHPC for maybe a year?) told me that she'd been at her sister-in-law's church (in California, I think) and read an article in a newsletter about "progressive Christianity" and thought, "Oh! Yes! That! Now I have a name for what I am." I laughed and said, "I joke about all the leftie churches I hang out in, but yeah, 'progressive Christianity' is also an accurate term." She said that "leftie church" doesn't work as a term for her because it has connotations/implications that aren't true for her. I wanted to say, "What part of 'leftie' doesn't work for you?" but instead I just said lightly, "Eh, I just like being flippant."

I was telling Ari about this tonight, and I said that I don't remember when I first encountered the term "progressive Christianity" but that it makes intuitive sense to me -- "two great tastes, taste great together," I quipped ... I mean, in the Venn Diagram of identities, there are progressives and there are Christians and what do you call that overlapping segment?

I said that I'd been ruined by going to college in Northampton where (almost) all the churches have rainbow flags -- because the population is so predominantly queer(-friendly), of course subgroups of the population are going to be similar; ditto Smith College where there was Radical Catholic Feminists of Smith (RCFOS) and lots of lesbians in Hillel and so on. And I said that I guess if one came from a place where there was very little queer presence, it would be easy for the religious voices to be either anti- or silent, which would make rainbow flag church seem an unusual thing. And I know that I should cut people some slack for being all, "Oh, this church is unique and special and amazing and different," because if the only church they have known is church that has hurt them, then encountering an alternative would really rock their worldview. It still makes me cranky, though, because there are SO MANY churches in this geographical area that have progressive politics and social policies, that practice inclusivity and non-hierarchical participation, and different churches do different things better than others, and your church is not the ONLY option (and is not necessarily even the best option).

***

At CHPC we have had two book group sessions on John Shelby Spong's Sins of Scriptures, and the second session turned into largely talking about what do we have after all of this "traditional" stuff we've inherited has been discarded, and how can church be relevant and meaningful and etc. (Karl's sermon that day had been on how at the conference he'd been to the previous day he'd been reminded once again of how much he loves the Church and how many churches are dying but many churches are out there on the edges trying to do a new thing and he wants CHPC to be one of those active creative churches).

Later that week (which was last week), Karl came across The First Christmas: what the gospels really teach us about Jesus' birth by Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan and emailed us saying, "I've just been going through it and think that it would be a really good read for us during advent. It's about seeing scripture as metaphor and parable, and the political critique the gospels were making of their time, and more. I would love for us to suspend Spong for a little while and spend 2 or 3 weeks with Borg and Crossan."

Today, someone Replied All saying that right now they are "more interested in discussing how we as a church can live some of the things we discussed after reading Sprong's book" and maybe Session and Worship Committee could read the book and "discuss how some of the relevant issues can be implemented in our worship and in the life of our church."

I have really mixed feelings about this, because, on the one hand, I am thrilled that people really want to continue this conversation about how we do church, but on the other hand, I really want to do Advent. In part because I'm not good at doing Advent, so I want all the resources I can get. And also... we can't wait a month to return to that other discussion? How present (physically/mentally) are people really gonna be during the holiday season anyway for discussions of How We Do Church?

And as I was realizing while talking to Ari tonight, that what we believe we're waiting for in Advent is really central to our faith.

I was rereading some stuff from Easter 2007 earlier today, and thinking about how "Christ is Risen" is a true statement every day of our lives, about how the light in the darkness and God dwelling amongst us and so many things are ALREADY (and always) true -- and I don't WANT Advent ... I don't WANT the waiting. But then I was thinking about the reasons I'd been feeling down and how a lot of that is stuff that I just need to bear through, that the waiting is a good practice to cultivate.

CWM's Advent Planning meeting was a conference call tonight instead of a meatspace meeting due to scheduling constraints. I called in at 8:01pm (for an 8pm call). Tiffany was the only person on the call -- and that remained true for the next forty-five minutes until we hung up. Tiffany had expected that I would (A) call in, (B) have read the lectionary texts. I did the homework but didn't really have thoughts, but I called in anyway.

Tiffany remembered from my sermon a few weeks ago that I love Advent. I laughed and said I'd been having a mopey day and had been thinking about Easter and how the things we celebrate on Easter are always/already true and about how I didn't want to do the dark waiting period of Advent.

We talked about the lectionary and what spoke to us, surprised us, etc. I said that one thing that had surprised me was that "Rejoice in the LORD always" is in the Advent lectionary. She said that had surprised her, too -- that it shouldn't, because it is one of the candles after all, but when she thinks of Advent she immediately thinks of a contemplative time. She talked about the joy of Advent as being an authentic joy in opposition to the false joy of consumerist culture.

We talked about the reminders that God's Reign isn't going to be what we expect, that we can have very strong ideas about what kind of thing it's going to look like, but ultimately we are all going to be surprised, it is beyond our comprehension, there is, as Tiffany said, an element of Mystery. We also talked about the pregnancy metaphor, about how that's joy mixed with anxiety, about how you don't know what's going to come out.

***

After about a half an hour, we'd run through lectionary and themes and images and hymns and decorating the altar, and Tiffany thanked me for taking the time to participate in this call and also reiterated, with the same high level of energy as she had when she said the same to me on Sunday, that she really enjoys reading my sermons and that she thinks they should be shared with more than just my facebook friends and that the pulpit is open. She said preaching sermons is very different from writing sermons (I know) and she hoped that the experience of preaching would help with my discernment -- she said preaching is what really drew her into the ministry, that kind of dynamic energy. I did not say that I do not get that kind of charge out of public performance/engagement. She said if I haven't picked a Sunday by the first week after January she'll assign me one. I laughed long. "You can always say 'no,'" she pointed out.

When I told Scott (a few weeks ago) about her open-pulpit offer, I said I'm not familiar enough with the lectionary to know what Sunday I would want, and I'm not sure how helpful reading ahead in the lectionary would be (especially since it often takes me a few days of sitting with the lectionary texts to find a way in), and he said that some of his best sermons (or whatever the appropriate equivalent is) have come from just being assigned a parsha, so he suggested I just pick a Sunday at random; so I may take her up on her offer to simply assign me a Sunday. However, I also welcome input from people more familiar with the lectionary than I.

She also suggested that I could write a book -- collecting all the sermons after a year and also including a reflection on the process. "I would buy that book." It's definitely an intriguing idea (though of course part of me wants to wait until I've gone through the whole three-year lectionary). I would self-publish, obvs. -- lulu.com or something.

***

My facebook status is, "Elizabeth is in a much better mood after the Advent Planning (and other lectionary-related conversations) call with Tiffany," which says a lot about my life and who I am.

hermionesviolin @ 2009-11-22T21:05:00

2009-11-23T02:05:25Z

Friday

At South Station, on the phone with Ari while waiting for my train, I gave money to a woman claiming to need bus fare up to Laconia. I walk by people begging for change all over Harvard Square all the time and don't engage them AT ALL except for like a nod of the head or a "Sorry," even though I know I SHOULD, but sometimes I'll get approached by someone with some story I don't believe (though I believe the person is IN NEED -- because you don't go up to random people on the street and tell them some pathetic story unless there is something Not Okay in your life) and practice an act of radical generosity.

When I got off the train at Norwood, I was still on the phone (duh) and my mom hugged me and (taking a wild guess) said, "Hi, Ari."
My dad met us at the train station so he could take my mom's stuff home. She had to pee, so she asked my dad to drive us to the coffeehouse so we'd get there sooner. I was still on the phone when we got there (attempting to wrap up conversation while at the same time keeping an ear out in case I was supposed to be engaged with my parents' conversation). When we got out, my dad said, "Bye, Ari."
My mom said: "We all love Ari, even though we haven't actually met her." ♥

The last time I saw Carrie Cheron perform, she recognized me from our conversations when she was busking in Davis Square and said that she's bad with names but remembers faces. Before this concert I was sitting and talking with my mom over dinner, and during the intermission we were talking with the mother of one of my brother's classmates (I also got a slice of white&chocolate cake -- thumbs up). So I wasn't ENTIRELY surprised when, when we were leaving after the concert, she said hi to me and said she'd seen me earlier. I said I hadn't seen her in like two years. Checking my tag, it's actually more like 3 years (almost exactly -- Nov. 13, 2006 to Nov. 20, 2009). We talked about how I haven't seen her 'cause she doesn't so many of her shows are private shows or out in Western Mass. or something and how I didn't know a lot of the songs she played because I only know the stuff on her album.

During the show, someone in the audience asked at one point where her CD release party back in 2006 was (The Burren). Someone (same person?) asked when she was releasing her next CD.
Carrie: "When I get some grant money."
audience member: "I know a guy named Grant."

While we were chatting, I told her that I had grown up in this town and blah blah blah.

me: "This is my mom."
CC: "Hi, mom."
me: "Sorry -- Barbara."
CC: "Hi, Barbara, I'm Carrie."

We chatted a bunch, and she hugged me goodbye. Yes, ladyvivien, I know you're jealous :)

Edit: I forgot to mention that she played a cover at one point and from the very beginning I knew I knew it, though it took me until about the time the title was sung to remember the title -- "Angel from Montgomery" (John Prine). Wow that brought me back to college (and made me think of anniesj, though I don't know if she's actually the person I got the mp3 from). /edit

Saturday

Scott and I had brunch at Toscanini's. We both got the fried egg sandwich :)

He kept seeing people he knew or thought he knew from MIT, and I commented that I sometimes I feel like I expect to see people I know and then I remember that I don't know that many people in Boston and anyway in this area (off Mass. Ave. between Central and MIT) I wasn't likely to see anyone I knew.
And then jadasc and eisa walked in. They sat with us for a bit until Scott had to leave to prep for SPLASH.
I went with him, met his brother, and then made my way back to Central Square T. Where I saw them AGAIN. And M-E and Nathan.

I was home for a few hours and then spent ~6hrs with Allie!

I had seen a flyer at Mr. Crepe for Hedwig and the Angry Inch @ the Arsenal and thought of Allie, so we made plans to go see it.

We had dinner at Porcini's. Which was probably the fanciest restaurant in the area. It wasn't bad, but I wasn't particularly blown away.
I've seen the Hedwig movie once (and wasn't in love with it) and had never seen the (a?) stage version. I forget sometimes what a dark dark story it is.
After the show we got hot chocolate at Algiers in Harvard Square. (I got hot orange mint chocolate, with whipped cream, because I could.)

Sunday

I got up an hour early to finish my sermon. \o/ (Okay, I went to bed a little before 1am and got up a little before 6:30am, so I was totally not prayerful during prayertime at morning church and slept through the sermon, but...)

My mom's half-sister dragged her onto being on facebook, so she friended me and so I accepted and friended my dad (and my aunt Marian). I've been somewhat resistant to being facebook friend with family, but given the way I use facebook these days, it really isn't a problem for me to be facebook friends with family.

On my dad's profile:

RECENT ACTIVITY
[my dad] and [my mom] are now friends.
[my mom] I thought we were more than friends ;)

Also, earlier this month my brother commented on my dad's Wall:

just curious, why doesn't your relationship status say "married"?

[my dad]: Originally, it was going to say, "In a Relationship with Golden Lion Tamarin" cause it worked with the silverback gorilla picture, but after I'd put in "In a Relationship," I found I could only end with someone already on facebook. So I just left it.

Today is the last Sunday of Year B. Happy New Year's Eve, Church.

I haven't posted church writeups since the beginning of September. /o\ I private-posted the backlog to to be finished in some mythical "later." I'm not really optimistic about being any more on top of writeups in Year C, but I feel better starting with a clean slate.

[unpreached sermon #7] Last Sunday of Year B - November 22, 2009

2009-11-22T13:01:06Z

Last Sunday of Year B - November 22, 2009

2 Samuel 23:1-7
Psalm 132:1-12
Revelation 1:4b-8
John 18:33-37

I forget that the Sunday before Advent is "Christ the King" or "Reign of Christ." Apparently I also have a Thanksgiving option, as my country observes that holiday this coming week. But of course you know which one I picked.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance was this Friday. I admit to DateFail and had longstanding plans to go see a folksinger perform, having forgotten that November 20th is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. My privilege, let me show you it. And I chose to keep that commitment -- in part because I was going with my mom, whom I wanted to spend time with; and also because I know I'm antisocial and probably wouldn't hike out to Allston even if I stayed in town. But I felt kind of guilty about my choice all week.

I know at Cambridge Welcoming Ministries we have talked about how it's problematic that the one time that we (the queer and allied community) specifically remember trans people is at a memorial service. What kind of message does that give our young people (and our not-so-young people, for that matter)? Hence our having a TranSpire service in February of 2008. (I had forgotten, actually, that April 6 is Transgender Day of Empowerment.)

My best friend lives in Kansas City, and she was noting the lack of community events around the Transgender Day of Remembrance this year. She realized that probably the people who would be involved in creating those events are the same people who are involved in the World AIDS Day events -- which is happening in just over a week on December 1 -- and commented on how it's unfortunate that these two events often get lumped together.

This season in the Northern Hemisphere already feels like a season of death -- less sunlight, colder air. We wrap ourselves up in so many layers that we are barely recognizable, and we spend as little time as possible outside of temperature-controlled environments. We hide from each other and from ourselves.

Having read all the week's lectionary readings, one thing that struck me when I was reading up on the Transgender Day of Remembrance was the statement: "Although not every person represented during the Day of Remembrance self-identified as transgender [...] each was a victim of violence based on bias against transgender people.." [cite]

Our Gospel reading today is from Jesus' trial before Pilate. Pilate keeps asking Jesus, "Are you the King of the Jews?" and Jesus never answers. Jesus asks, "Do you ask this on your own, or did others tell you about me?" Jesus says, "My kingdom is not from this world." Jesus says, "You say that I am a king." But Jesus never says, "Yes I am" or "No I am not."

Jesus wasn't necessarily crucified for who he was but rather for who he was perceived to be.

Which I think is an interesting "in" into "Christ the King" Sunday. Jesus is not who we expect him to be.

There are things we think of when we hear the phrase "Christ the King," but that isn't necessarily what Jesus has in mind as to who he is.

(And wow do I feel really uncomfortable with all these male pronouns for Jesus. I mean, I know that the historical Jesus was incarnate in a male body -- though one of these days my best friend's gonna write a lesbian christology -- in epic prose poem format -- and it's gonna be awesome -- but still. I really hope someone somewhere is preaching today on a Jesus who is Sophia Wisdom as a drag king.)

And honestly, there's almost nothing about "kingship" in the actual lectionary. Our Psalm today includes God swearing to David:

One of the children of your body
I will set on your throne.
If your children keep my covenant
and my decrees that I shall teach them,
their children also, for evermore,
shall sit on your throne.
-Psalm 132 11b-12

Well, David's children didn't sit continue on his literal throne forever, so we're already operating at some sort of metaphorical level -- some level of "When we say Jesus is 'King,' we don't mean it in the way you would normally understand that word."

It feels weird to me that Christ the King Sunday comes right before Advent, and then I remembered that this is the last Sunday of Year B. It makes sense to end the church year commemorating the fullness of the central figure of our faith. Though it makes for a bit of whiplash that we then move in to reenacting the expectant hope for the newborn Messiah (with a side of eschatology -- awaiting the Second Coming as well).

But the fullness of the central figure of our faith is not a reification of the structures of power and hierarchy we see operating in our world. To proclaim that Christ is King is to proclaim that Caesar is not -- to proclaim that all which has power over us now will not ultimately conquer us.

One of the things that struck me in the daily lectionary readings was from Zechariah -- Chapter 12, verse 10; and Chapter 13, verse 1:

"And I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a Spirit of grace and supplication. They will look on me, the one they have pierced, and they will mourn for me as one mourns for an only child, and grieve bitterly for me as one grieves for a firstborn child. [...] On that day a fountain will be opened to the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem, to cleanse them from sin and impurity."

This struck me particularly being so close to the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

One of these days, the perpetrators of violence will recognize what they have done and will mourn their actions. We suffer, but that suffering will end. This is the theme of a lot of the daily lectionary readings -- often phrased in ways that are uncomfortable for us, with its language of one's enemies being crushed and etc., but an overarching message which I think is important for us to hear.

In 2 Samuel, God says to David: "One who rules over people justly, ruling in the fear of God, is like the light of morning, like the sun rising on a cloudless morning, gleaming from the rain on the grassy land." This is the kind of ruler we are supposed to see in Christ -- one who is like the light of morning. Light in the darkness.

In the daily lectionary, we have 2 Kings about Hilkiah finding the book of the Law, and it's mostly a story I'm not all that interested in, but I like that we have a story about finding the Word of God. Admittedly, in this story it's very Law-centered, and the punchline is about routing all the idolatrous priests, but I still like this story about finding the Word. As our friends in the UCC say, "God is still speaking."

There is also stuff about the dwelling place of God. In the Psalm today, I love that David swears, "I will not sleep until I have found a dwelling place for my God." It is important for God to dwell among us. And it is important for us to make space for that. RJ of "when love comes to town" blog says, "There are two models of transformation in Advent: John the Baptist and the young Mary," and invites us this Advent to learn from the Marian model, to bear Christ for the world.

We are ending the Christian year and looking ahead to the next year -- Advent, Epiphany, Lent, Easter, Pentecost, Ordinary Time -- periods of preparation and periods of action, periods of mourning and periods of joy, periods of confusion and periods of clarity. This is what it is to be alive. This is what it is to be a Christian.

As the Christian year draws to a close and we prepare to begin anew, I invite us to reflect on what it means to claim Jesus Christ as the central figure of our faith -- what it means to make a dwelling place for this figure of light and healing.

Amen.

hermionesviolin @ 2009-11-20T10:34:00

2009-11-20T15:34:46Z

I finished my Project! \o/ Okay, okay, it turned out there's a bunch of stuff built into the system that automates what I thought I would have to do manually, but I'm still pleased with myself. I am also proud of me for stopping during working on responding to an LJ comment to make myself actually do this thing. (LJ discussions are shiny, and I sometimes seem to have the attention span of a goldfish.) Okay, I had the discipline to do this largely because I had said I would finish the Project by lunchtime, but still.

I am also tweaking my GoogleReader. I think I may unsubscribe to any feed where I have to click through to get the full entry. I am also considering signing up for Twitter just to follow the friends who aren't on LJ much, because getting an RSS of all the tweets is not so useful. I'm also open to suggestions of blogs I shouldn't be following 'cause they're problematic and/or blogs I should be following.

[I am also trying to actually do something with the interesting blogposts I read -- I keep just starring them in my GoogleReader and never going back to them, so I've gotta start at least putting them in my delicious even if I don't go back and actually blog about them.]

Things I have learned today/recently:

2009-11-20T04:46:03Z

I cannot deal with people talking about having lost weight as if it's an inherently good thing.

I wince every time someone colloquially says "you guys" or "lame."

Today was the second day in a row I had almost nothing to do at work. (I have a Project for tomorrow, though. \o/ ) I worked on my sermon and did a lot of blog reading/skimming -- esp. lots of disability blogs.

One of the things I read was "What We Talk About When We Talk About Language" (by meloukhia on FWD/Forward). I have posted about this before, but she says some really smart things I hadn't quite thought of in that way before but which really resonate for me.

when we talk about language, we don’t talk about what it used to mean, or what it is supposed to mean, or what you think it means. We talk about how society uses language, right now. [...]

One of the most common defenses I see of ableist language is “well, it doesn’t mean that anymore.”

So, my question is, what does it mean?

One of the things I like to do when I am illustrating why language is exclusionary is I plug in a commonly-known original meaning of the word in question into a sentence. Let’s take “lame,” which is generally taken to mean “has difficulty walking” or “limps,” although the original use was actually just “broken.”

So, if someone says “this television show is lame” and you turn the sentence into “this television show has difficulty walking,” it doesn’t really make sense, right? Just like when you say “this social activity which I am being forced to do by my parent is a homosexual man,” it doesn’t really make sense. And this should tell you something. It should tell you that the word you are using has an inherently pejorative meaning.

Which means, actually, you’re totally right when you say a word “doesn’t mean that anymore.” In fact, it’s gone from being a value neutral term used to describe a state of being to being a pejorative. A pejorative so universally accepted that you can expect users to understand exactly what you mean when you say it. When you say “this television show is lame” you mean it’s bad, not worth your time, boring, etc., and here’s the trick: People understand that meaning and they derive it from the word that you have used, because that word is universally accepted as objectively bad.

[...]

Using inclusionary language is actually fun. You get to explore the roots of words you use, you get to find new and exciting words to use, and you get to learn more about the structure of a language you speak every day. It constantly amazes me to see how quickly exclusionary terms trip to my tongue when I’m in a hurry, because they are so ingrained as appropriate pejoratives. I’m actually relishing the process of eradicating them from my spoken and written language, because I love words and language play.

And I loathe essentialism. I loathe “well, it’s a value neutral term.” No, it’s not. If it was value neutral, it would not be in use as a pejorative. I loathe “no one really means that anymore.” Yes, they do, because if they didn’t, they would use a different word. Just like no one calls a “train” an “iron horse” anymore.

It makes me cross when people make fun of the UCC's "God is still speaking (never place a period where God has placed a comma)." (And ironically, given my next point, my reaction is: "Don't you understand the kinds of Christian church they are reacting against?")

It REALLY bothers me when people talk about their progressive faith congregation as being a Speshul Unique Snowflake because it explicitly states that Communion is open to everyone or whatever. I know, I know, I should honor people's lived experiences and the fact that many people have been hurt by the church and so Church X is a really important healing, affirming, etc. experience for them. But srsly people, we are in the Boston area. There are progressive churches of every denomination. And there are things that some of them do better than your church. And my churches aren't perfect -- I am WELL aware of that -- and I WANT people to tell me what we're doing wrong, how we're failing to live in to the claims we make. If we are hurting people I want to KNOW so that we can stop that (or at least so we can warn people so they can try to keep themselves safe).

I have turned into that radical feminist who notices that we don't use any gendered language for the Triune God except for all the times we talk about Jesus -- which with a Reflection on the Gospel plus Communion is A Lot -- and the "Our Father," and thinks this is a Problem. I understood why that woman in the story that Marla tells found it so powerful to hear a Bible story told with no gendered pronouns, heard herself in that story for the first time.

After service was over I turned to Chris who was standing next to me and ranted to him. He knows how to receive my criticisms, which I appreciate. (I had really wanted to go up to the presider and say, "So, Communion really offended me. Would it be best for me to tell you why in person right now, in email, or not at all?" but it was probably better that I just told Chris and not him.)

I went to Transcriptions Open Mic but left after the open mic part (well, I stayed for the ~15-minute intermission chatting with people) because it takes me an hour to get home and I get up at 6am and I enjoy not operating on a sleep deficit ... and I wanted to blog.

Jeff was one of the people I talked to during the intermission, and we talked about personal growth and what's been going on in our lives and etc. and I talked about how I've been trying to critique in a more generous and kind and loving manner, and I referred to myself as a "bitch," like I do. Jeff said, "You're not a bitch; you just have a bitchy way of saying things; you actually have a big heart."

In other news, when I left work today the women's room at my end of the hall was occupied, so I decided, "Fuck this noise," and used the men's room. I mean, they're both single-stall bathrooms, so we could make the signs say "bathroom" or something and it wouldn't make a difference (and if I were more of a radical/activist I probably would).

hermionesviolin @ 2009-11-19T07:51:00

2009-11-19T12:51:15Z

You know what helps with getting up on time in the morning? Setting your alarm. I woke up 45 minutes after my alarm was supposed to go off, with no memory of having turned off my alarm. I could have taken a really quick shower (and in fact did because the water got colder, not warmer -- after I got dressed I went downstairs and turned the boiler back on) and gotten to the gym on time (esp. since today would have been a weight room day, which takes ~10minutes less than a cardio workout, so I have more of a cushion for leaving my house late) but I have no good feelings about rushing like that. So I have now eaten breakfast and mostly caught up on the Internet (there is not as much as I thought there would be given that I went to bed at like 9pm) and will be early to work.