So, remember two months ago when my website was being a bitca? I finally got around to submitting a HelpDesk ticket. Turns out the issue is that I'm at my 100MB capacity -- because of a mail account I didn't even know I had. Oh, spam.
[Disk Usage Viewer] mail/cur 81.97 Meg
Mail (7848 messages)
So this means: 1) I can actually update my website on the first of the month tomorrow. 2) Lorraine, I can offer you a subdomain if you would like.