Elizabeth Scripturient (the delinquent, ecumenical (hermionesviolin) wrote,
Elizabeth Scripturient (the delinquent, ecumenical
hermionesviolin

Lent (1/40)

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-Rose Walker, in Neil Gaiman's Sandman: The Kindly Ones





I woke up at 5:30 this morning, so I decided to go to CAUMC's 7:00am Ash Wednesday service (rather than their 7:30pm one as I'd planned).  The "side door" (which, as with UCN, I think of as the main entrance) was locked, as was the front door to the sanctuary.  I had forgotten there even is a separate entrance to the chapel, but it had a handwritten sign on it saying morning service was canceled.  I'm not hugely surprised (the pastor had a slipped disc, and it's a smallish congregation, so finding people to fill in would be a challenge -- Tiffany's in Memphis due to a scheduling error, Trelawney had fibroids, etc. -- though as it turned out, both Gary [the pastor] and Trelawney helped lead the evening service).

None of the other College Ave. churches had service notices.  Possibly the Episcopal church on Broadway would have had a morning service, but I didn't really have time to go back and look, so I just went to the gym and got in to the office early.

elliptical, interval program:
1mi @ 11:18min
2mi @ 22:52min
2.59mi @ 30min
I was comforted that these were better times than Monday -- given my recent comment about plateauing (on reflection, Wednesday's are usually my best days in terms of cardio time).

Prof.B. called about 8:43, and I almost didn't answer, because it was foreign number, but no, he was calling on his international mobile because the battery in his regular cell was dead.  So, it was one of those mornings where it's 9am and I've already done a bunch of work.  (Of course then I didn't wanna do other work.  Though I got enlisted to generate slides and teaching plans, so I definitely ended up doing some work, as need-now work isn't optional.)

(I ate like nothing today, which confuses me.  A few bites of a bagel on the commute -- I packed one, expecting I'd get hungry -- a single-serving bag of potato chips at like 10 or something . . . not that hungry at lunchtime; got a small serving of mac&cheese and an orange juice; later I ate yesterday's apple [snagged from seminar leftovers] and a chocolate chip cookie from Ian.  I did have a bit more food after Ash Wednesday service.)

I hung out with Katie a bit after work and was gonna sit at the [Somerville West Branch] library and do the readings for tomorrow's class, forgetting that it closes at 6 on Wednesdays, so I headed to church, figuring I'd sit somewhere and read before service (which was about an hour away at this point).  I walked in and Tallessyn's girls were running around, and then I looked up and was like, "You're not their mom."  (It was Trelawney, Tallessyn's twin sister.)  I was expecting the adult female to be Tallessyn, obviously, and I was impressed that I recognized her correctly in that split second -- though I've actually seen both of them basically weekly for over a year at this point.

After service last year, I couldn't find the words to "Sunday's Palms Are Wednesday's Ashes" online, so this year I borrowed a hymnal to write them up.
Sunday's palms are Wednesday's ashes as another Lent begins;
thus we kneel before our Maker in contrition for our sins.
We have marred baptismal pledges, in rebellion gone astray;
now, returning, seek forgiveness; grant us pardon, God, this day!

We have failed to love our neighbors, their offences forgive;
have not listened to their troubles, nor have cared just how they live,
we are jealous, proud, impatient, loving overmuch our things;
may the yielding of our failings be our Lenten offerings.

We are hasty to judge others, blind to  proof of human need;
and our lack of understanding demonstrates our inner greed;
we have wasted earth's resources; want and suffering we've ignored;
come and cleanse us, then restore us; make new hearts within us, Lord!
The Scripture readings were Joel 2:1,12-17 ad Matthew 6:1-6,16-18.
     Trelawney talked a bit about how we don't do the things in Matthew for reward (whether from other people or from God) but that those things really are beneficial to us ("studies show" and everything).  She said that when she's having troubles, she doesn't want to observe Lent, doesn't want to think about self-denial or focusing on others or anything like that, but that when she does she really does feel better.  She also referenced the spiritual (thanks to Tallessyn) "I been down so long it feels like home, so I just keep on keepin' on."

     Unison Prayer of Confession
Gracious and merciful God,
we have dinner in what we have thought and said,
in the wrong we have done
and in the good we have not done.
We have sinned in ignorance;
we have sinned in weakness;
we have sinned through our own deliberate fault.
We are truly sorry. We repent and turn to you.
Forgive us, for our Savior Christ's sake,
and renew our lives to the glory of your name. Amen.

When I left church, it was sprinkling again, and I was impressed that when I got home (~20min walk) my ashes hadn't really smudged at all.




"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

"Sin is necessary, but all will be well, and all will be well, and every kind of thing will be well."
-Julian of Norwich, Showings

Yeah, I don't even know what "Sin is necessary" means, but I like having the full quote.  And it is Lent, after all.  Whatever that means.

Five good things about today:
1. Weeds 2.03 "Last Tango in Agrestic" [writeup]
2. Prof.B. okayed my sitting in on class tomorrow (not that I expected him not to, but it's good to have it official).
3. After he gave me my receipt, the guy at Million Year Picnic (the owner, according to Allie last time we were there) said it was nice to see me, and I think he really meant it, wasn't just spouting social niceties.  I was so taken aback, though, that all I said was, "Thank you," even though I really would have meant "It's nice to see you, too."  It's still weird to me that I'm a known quantity at non-community places (I mean, being recognized/missed/whatever at like church makes sense).  Prof.D. borrowed my ID card to open up his office and then I went to go to lunch and he was in a seminar and I realized I'd have to pay in cash (which annoys me) since he had my ID card (which has stored value on it).  I mentioned to MaryAlice that I hoped I'd get it back that afternoon in part 'cause you need to show ID to get in to the gym, and she pointed out that they know me there by now, which is true (witness the guy commenting on my early-ness the time I went before the Finding Our Way conference).
4. BtVS comic 8.11 [writeup]
5. I carried some stuff out to Trelawney's car, and she commented on the beautiful scent of the air after the rain, and I inhaled deeply and wow was she right.

Three things I did well today:
1. I generated a bunch of teaching materials for Prof.B., and I made Word and PowerPoint do what I wanted them to well enough, and the turnaround wasn't quite fast enough but I got all the materials to the people as needed.  And Prof.B. was enthusiastically appreciative on more than one occasion, which I always appreciate.
2. I remembered to go to the bank.
3. I introduced myself to someone at Ash Wednesday service.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
1. CAUMC small group.
2. Sitting in on tomorrow's MONV class (Market design and value creation -- Kidney Matchmakers case).  Now I'm off to finish doing the preparatory reading.
Tags: gymming it up, joy sadhana, lent: ash wednesday
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