However, on my way to bed OriginalRoomie stopped me to tell me that the landlord had been showing the apartment that evening (which she had called me earlier in the day to give me a heads up about) and that he was talking about clean slate -- about not renewing my lease in August and just starting fresh. Do not want. Yes this place is really designed for a single family rather than three housemates, but I like it here and do not want to have to find a new place. Worst case scenario I could move back in with my parents temporarily, so it's not like I need to panic about being homeless. But really, it's stress I do not need. I don't want to have to show the apartment, I don't want to have to find a new apartment. I want Heather and Katie to find replacements for themselves and have everything take care of itself smoothly.
Amusingly, just the other day Prof.D. had me make color copies of an advertisement for their former Somerville condo (they just bought a house in Newton). He said, "Thank you so much. And if you'd like to buy a condo, that would be great."
Saturday, I was thinking about discerning whether I should fight to stay here or let myself be guided to somewhere else -- though it's not like the two are mutually exclusive. And pondering looking into realtors.
I think I was more preoccupied with emotional shit, though. I literally cried a little bit -- which surprised me, because there have been plenty of times in recent months that I've been torn up about something and have thought, "If I could have a good cathartic cry I might feel better," and haven't actually cried. I have a pretty good understanding of what I'm upset about and why it was hitting me hard (partly it's just that it's stuff out of my control, and I'm guessing that the apartment thing made it hit critical mass ... I'm not spiraling into a depressive episode or anything, don't worry), but I was taken by surprise by this intense emotional reaction.
Depressingly, "Hey Love" by Shaggy was in my head.
So I played Disney villainess "Cell Block Tango" on YouTube (via musesfool). The lip syncing is at times phenomenal.
I also watched 3 different Disney princess versions, but none of them worked quite as well for me.