Saturday, Lindsay McLean showed up again. Anyone really interested could search for the relevant entries over the summer, but basically he’s someone who acts like he knows me even though i have no idea how, and every question directed at me always ends up with him talking about his own life a lot. So he showed up, checked out some books, chatted for a bit, and then left. “Nice seeing you again.” I just kinda grunted. He usually hangs around for a while, but it looked like he actually left for real. But then he came back again. Eventually he checked out a book and we talked again. He said something about the snow and i mentioned how when my friends in Brooklyn had said it was snowing i thought, “Dammit, where’s my snow.” “Oh, are you from New York originally?” “No, i just have friends there.” Now, everyone gets more worked up about my shady people than i do (although i try to avoid Lindsay) but that sort of set off low-level alarm bells in my head, because it seemed like a very obvious You really don’t know me much at all, do you? I mean, i live in a fairly small town (he lives one town over) and have lived here since i was a year old. One of these days i swear i’m just gonna flat-out say, “How do you know me?”
Then in the afternoon i went upstairs on break. I read for 20 minutes and then was on the Internet for 10. Five minutes before my break was over i talked to Terry for about 30 seconds because he was hassling me about “Shouldn’t you be working?” Then on my way back downstairs i talked to my friend Cassie for a minute or two. Other than that i didn’t talk to anyone. So shortly thereafter, while i was standing at the desk and there were no patrons, this scruffy guy who looked very vaguely familiar (as does half of Norwood) started talking to me. He claimed that we had talked upstairs, something about the Internet. “Maybe another day,” i suggested, because i obviously hadn’t talked to him that day, but i’ve certainly talked to random people, particularly at work. He was fairly insistent, though. “You’re intelligent, go to college...” (gee, that narrows down the populace). He claimed to have forgotten my name and where i go to school and when i told him did that kinda “Yeah, yeah, i knew that.” My guess is that he’s just slightly delusional. Then we got on to music. “What’s your favorite band?” Apparently he has a band. I then had to wait on patrons, so i got a respite. He went to use the phone and Terry told me he had randomly started talking to him earlier, too. Then he came back. And asked the music question again. I said my favorite musician is Ani DiFranco (i think he was pretending to know who she was), that most of my favorite musicians are solo artists. He asked if i knew Ash, some new European band whom he thinks is good. I’d never heard of them. Then he asked if i knew Vanessa Carlton. I said i’d heard of her, but hadn’t heard any of her music. He thinks she’s very good, too. Thankfully, he left shortly thereafter. With his jacket and hat he looked more familiar, like maybe i’d seen him around town or something. Whatever. Mary K. says she attracts amiable drunks. :) “If there’s a drunk around, he’ll come talk to me. They’re never fresh, just like to tell me their life story or what have you.”
I really should go visit Diane (who runs the used bookstore i worked at a couple summers ago) sometime this break. I’ve managed not to run into Richard (the shadiest of my random people, a guy who really has no sense of boundaries) since i think some time last spring, so let’s hope i can keep that up.
I had little desire to see Monsters, Inc. and no desire (beyond athene’s adamant recommendation) to see Lilo and Stitch, but we watched both of them Friday night and i greatly enjoyed them both. Boo is definitely one of the cutest things ever, and i got all teary at all the ohana bits. “This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken, but still good.” I finally saw It’s A Wonderful Life on Saturday. The short version is: I got teary at the end, but in general the movie didn’t really do it for me. The long version is: Kinda weird that 1986 colorized it. 2 hours and 10 minutes and it felt long. I was impressed that i didn’t actually dislike James Stewart, as he tends to rub me wrong. I really don’t understand how people can watch this movie every year, because once was more than enough for me. (What i really can’t understand is the love of A Christmas Story, because i saw it in junior high and hated it.) As soon as George told Potter “My friends don’t have that kind of money [the misplaced $8,000]” i thought “Well, if everyone gives you a little, then you’re there,” so i was quite pleased that Mary (who admittedly could have a clearer head since she wasn’t right in the middle of it) thought of that. The whole “what it would have been like if you were never born” bothered me, because while i certainly understand how George felt like it was incredibly hopeless and wanted to die (“I’m worth more dead than alive” kept making me think of the CSI episode which just reran in which i learned that life insurance policies, at least nowadays, don’t cover suicide.) but “It would have been better if i had never been born” was just something he said in the midst of his hysteria. If he had been thinking at all he would have acknowledged that he had done lots of good things in his life. My dad pointed out that the implication is “Imagine what life might be like if George weren’t alive to do good things and keep bad things from happening,” but in that case a better vision would have been “Here’s what life will be like if you kill yourself,” since obviously George can’t keep himself from being born, but he can kill himself. And yes i understand that the vision is supposed to give him renewed faith and all that. Also, i’ve been familiar with the gist of the movie for years, and i always thought the idea was “Look how important one man can be,” but obviously George Bailey was quite special important. I mean, throughout his entire life he stood up to the evil rational capitalist who threatened to take over this idyllic small town. If Ernie-the-taxi-driver or someone like that had never been born, i doubt that Bedford Falls would have been greatly the worse for it. I said perhaps it would have been better if i’d seen it when i was 5 or something (since most people seem to have this lifelong love of it), and my mother suggested perhaps in 10 years. “What, you think i’ll be less cynical as i get older?” “Well, the edge will get somewhat rounded.”
I am intimidated by paperwork. So instead of applying for internships and Oxford and financial aid, i am catching up on LiveJournal. Sigh. I also still haven’t told Michele about Oxford. She’s been saying stuff like, “I’m so glad that you’ll be here this summer,” and i just can’t bring myself to mention it in that context. I want it to be, “Michele, i’m going to Oxford this summer! Isn’t that great and exciting?” And she will get all excited for me and then it will be, “Oh yeah, and it’s 6 weeks in the summer, and i’m hopefully gonna be getting an internship to help pay for it, so, um, yeah.” I’d much rather have her be happy for me first, rather than start with the upset over the fact that i won’t be working for her this summer. (And if i can’t get a Praxis, i will absolutely work for her as much as much as humanly possible when i’m not at Oxford.) The guilt over this is making me less enthusiastic about the trip, which is the last thing i need when i’m trying to get Smith to give me money to go.
Dear ELIZABETH, here is your Horoscope for December 29, 2002
It may be hard for you to get a handle on things today, ELIZABETH, as
your focus seems to jump from one subject to the next without
finding any resolution from the first. Today is not a day to find a
solution. You are better off researching, asking questions, and
gathering facts. Keep your channels of communication open and don't
try to pin anyone down for a solid answer. You will accomplish a
great deal by keeping things active and light.