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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Sunday, April 14th, 2002

Time Event
2:35a
“i planted my dusty boots on the bumper, sat out on the hood and looked up at the sky”
Despite much procrastination, i insisted on finishing my damn Othello paper tonight. It’s only 3 pages, but the assignment says “about 4 pages,” and how much can you write about one scene, really? And i know i’m going to revise after i’ve gotten some sleep.

I bought a new pair of blue jeans today and realized that the khaki pants which i have grown so fond of are from Land’s End, so i can easily have my mom order another pair. I also did laundry today. I really should vacuum.

I got an invitation to the S.O.S. (Service Organization of Smith) Volunteer Recognition dinner. It’s the day Jonah’s gonna be here, so i have to decline, but i get to feel cool anyway.

When i was at Forbes on Friday the nice lady who works there whom i talk to mentioned Smith students working there through work-study. The Jolt pointed me to Work-Study Job Listings for the 2002-03 academic year. Hooray for jobs i actually want to do. Work-study was part of my financial aid for this year, but the only jobs i knew of available for first-years were working on the house kitchens/dining areas. Work i didn’t want to do for less money than i was used to making. Working at the library (and the bookstore) has so spoiled me. I am an 18-year-old college students who wants to love her job. I had plenty of money since i barely spent any of the money i made in my 3 years of working, so it wasn’t a problem, but after this year i have much less money and would like to have something of an income again, especially since some of my scholarships were non-renewable so i will be paying even more for my portion of tuition next year than i did this year.

Joe finally posted in his livejournal. Woo hoo. (Though i shouldn’t talk, ‘cause i didn’t post in mine until 3 days after i’d gotten it and it only took him two.) He said he’s looking forward to seeing me again and meeting some of the people i talk about. My first thought, of course, was if i show him around before the show we’ll get bad seats, but they have to go home that night so that cuts down on post-concert time. I think i’m actually more looking forward to seeing him and talking to him and stuff than i am about the concert. This is probably a combination of the fact that i adore him and the fact that i’m not a huge live concert person. I like seeing people live, and i’m definitely excited about my first Ani concert, but i can always listen to CDs and stuff. Real people are way more important than performances. (This is begging for an essay on how all interaction is performance. I am not going there.)

from conversation with Joe tonight:
JoeyD33011: yeah - so you have to meet Julie sometime this summer
VelmasLizard: definitely!
JoeyD33011: cause I'm talking to her and you
JoeyD33011: and you guys are the best
VelmasLizard: :-) I get on par with the mythical best friend Julie. I rock.
JoeyD33011: yeah you do
VelmasLizard: :-)

My roommate said i’m “like, an Internet Queen.” (She thinks she’s Internet incompetent, and i have masslive.com Yellow Pages Find a Business bookmarked, so i look up the phone number for Tea Pot for her. She was on the phone with a friend and said, “She’s looking it up in the Yellow Pages. See, I wouldn’t have thought of that.” And she wasn’t being sarcastic.)

(In which Sharon’s friend Kate proves that i am not the only person who totally lucked out with the parental assignage.)

This is why i worry that perhaps a job as a copy editor would drive me insane.

In my procrastination tonight i succumbed to slash-fic searching. I finally got the gay joke about Willow and Tara’s candle being “extra-flamey.” (the end scene of “New Moon Rising”) Color me slow. And the only reason i got it was because i had read something earlier today in which someone talked about being a flaming gay. Without that floating around in the back of my mind i don’t think i would have made the connection despite seeing the quote on a slash page. The term just really isn’t part of my vocabulary. I mean, i know what it means, but i don’t think i’ve ever heard it used except for gay men, and obviously at Smith there aren’t a whole lot of them. Oh, and i would like to just say that i had (A) forgotten how hard it can be to find BtVS/A:tS slash-fic and (B) not realized just how bad slash-fic can be. The story i read was an alternate universe in which everyone is alive and happy and polyamorous and speaking in totally unreal dialogue. It was just a lot of sex being had by people who happened to have the same names as BtVS and A:tS characters. It was bad. If it weren't so late i would have rewarded myself with a really good slash-fic, but i think sleep is a better reward right now.

Erin wrote: Why is love never enough for people in real life?Collapse )
10:45a
You've got to be kidding me
I dreamt this morning that Meredith and i went to a Dave Matthews Band concert. Dave had short light brown hair so he looked really cute. I wondered why he wasn't bald like i had seen him in pictures. I think Meredith and i also discussed song meanings.

This is weird because Joe has gone to 2 DMB concerts within the past week, one of them this past Friday. We were talking about this a bit last night and also spent some time discussing the meanings of "After Her" and "Satellite."


(P.S. Why has LiveJournal decided this morning to make the fancy quotation marks and apostrophes which occur when i copy text in from a WP document into question marks?)

Current Mood: rested
1:15p
pet peeve of the day
When people have a radio on really loud and it's playing dumb stuff.

I turned off my CD because i was in a non-music sort of mood. Someone has a radio on and it's playing NASCAR commentary, and commercials of course. It's warm and beautiful out today so of course my window is open. The window that opens onto the parking lot between this house and Talbot. I don't know if the radio is from a room in this house or is just carrying over from Talbot, but it annoys me, a lot. If you're going to have your radio on loud with an open window, at least have something good on.

I am wholly unmotivated to do any work, so i am going to see how true it is that people are camping out in front of JMG for tonight's Ani concert.
2:13p
i've got shit to do and an appointment on tuesday...
Well, not exactly, but i do have research papers i should be working on -- work that does not exactly lend itself to sprawling on JMG lawn. It is such a gorgeous day today that many many people are outside, reading and what-have-you, not just the ones who are going to Ani later. There were about 20 people outside JMG when i went by an hour or so ago. If i had friends here whom i was going to the concert with, i would probably be out there in a couple of hours, but i have work to do, and i’m a good kid dammit.


(Is the amount of LiveJournal posts one makes inversely proportional to the amount of motivation one has to do the work one should be doing?)
11:54p
"That was just the cutest phone message I have ever heard. You actually spoke in the third person."
I got just about no work done today. I tried to be good and stay inside and do work, but as evidenced by the preponderance of LJ posts, i just stayed inside and didn't do work. Around 3:40 Rebecca and i went for a walk. About 5:10 we got back. ("want to take a short walk as a study break?" Rebecca said. Ha!) We had dinner and got talking to Sophia and got into a discussion about Smith and community and the racist/homophobic shit that's been going on recently and town vs. Smith tensions and tensions within the town itself and lots of stuff. About 6:30 i pulled myself away to go upstairs to see if Joe had called, see how close they were to arriving and all that. (The title is from the message he left on my PhoneMail while i was at dinner.) People were still down there talking when i left, and Rebecca says they didn't finish until abut 8:50. I love having thoughtful discussions, though, or even just listening to other people have them -- even if they are about somewhat depressing topics such as what sucks about Smith.

Joe and crew (his friend Kristen and a couple friends of hers) were theoretically getting here around 6. It was about 7:40 when they finally got here. We still got good seats, though, which surprised me.

I wasn't a real fan of the guy who opened for Ani (Dan Bern), but whatever.

Because this was a solo tour (tonight was the last performance of her first solo tour since 1994) she played songs she could do solo (duh) so she played a lot of older stuff, which was cool.

I don’t remember the full set-list. She opened with "god's country," then "fuel" (during which she talked to the audience some), and then a new song.

She talked about how sorrow makes you so raw, just opens you up. She said that sorrow, joy, love, they all open you up like that, and what's important is the openness, not the up or down. This was followed by "sorry i am."

Interestingly, during that bit of talking she mentioned that in a previous performance she had asked if everyone could just let the energy settle, and everyone sat down. So when she started to play "sorry i am," most everyone sat down. (Everyone had been standing since she came on stage.)

She referred to these solo performances as candlelight dinners.

She has been reading poetry by other people throughout this tour and tonight read a poem called "Dickhead" from this book of poems called Donkey Gospel by Tony Hoagland.

The rest of the set, in no particular order since i can't remember the order, included "cradle and all," "two little girls," another new song, "up up up up up up," and "garden of simple." The last new song she did was hardcore. Stuff like "the master's tools will never dismantle the master’s house" (Audre Lorde). She recited her untitled poem about the events of 9-11 and the aftermath, followed by "names and dates and times." (She changed the lines a bit. Something like: "i talk too much, i laugh too long, and you'll probably be slightly relieved when i'm gone" and "i talk too much, i laugh too long, and you can finally get some sleep when i'm gone") I forget what her encore piece was. Probably one of the ones i already mentioned, though i know i'm neglecting one song because i couldn't think of the title. (I think it's from one of her new albums. The only line i can remember is something like 'the sidewalk in front of you is painted on a wall.')

Joe said he was looking forward to meeting some of the people i talk about, but after the concert he and his crew were pretty wiped, so we went to Davis and they got food and then drove back to UNH.

While at Davis someone walked by and for a second Joe thought it was a guy and thought, "He's cute." I said it would be so cool to have him stay for an extended period of time. He would be so confused.

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