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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Friday, June 28th, 2002

Time Event
11:20p
People are, complicated.
I was talking to Terry today. He was asking me about my summer plans. He keeps confusing Sharon-in-New-York with Joe-in-New-Hampshire because i rarely bother to say the names, merely say “my friend in New York” and “my friend in New Hampshire,” the two summer visitation plans which have been in process for weeks. Anyway, i said something about Joe never calling or something, and he asked, “Does he have a girlfriend?” (which seemed a very random, though perfectly legitimate question). “He’s gay,” i said. “He has a nice boyfriend, though, or so i hear; i have yet to actually meet him, though i want to.” “What is with you and gay people?” he said. (It occurred to me later that this was because during the school year he would on occasion ask about my roommate, and i would mention her girlfriend and he would always have forgotten that she’s gay. At the time it didn’t even occur to me to wonder where the comment came from since it’s such a part of my worldview that the majority of my friends are not-straight.) “I’m bisexual,” i wanted to say. “I go to Smith. I keep forgetting straight people go there too,” i wanted to say. Instead i just shrugged. He said something like, “Gay people are okay, I guess,” and i said, “There’s nothing wrong with them,” because i thought maybe this was leading to, “What they do is disgusting and sinful, but some of them are perfectly nice people.” He agreed, and i said sarcastically, “You sound so convincing.” There actually wasn’t anything wrong with how he’d said it, but i was on edge from the tone of his previous statement and repeated “They’re okay, I guess” in a mocking tone to emphasize my point. This led to a conversation in which i learned that Terry actually has 4 gay friends--though one of them killed himself three years ago. One is quite full-of-himself and obnoxious, but the other two are perfectly nice guys. I was quite surprised. I mean, i know Terry’s a nice person and him not saying “Oh, you’re gay, no way I’m gonna hang with you, fag,” doesn’t surprise me, but... i just... i’m surprised, that’s all. Apparently i’m incoherent as well. Sigh. I’ll stop now.

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