July 1st, 2002

you think you know...

"I walk. I talk. I shop, I sneeze, I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back." ("Restless")

Weather reports are predicting highs in the mid-90s tomorrow and Wednesday, so my plan is to basically live in the library (which, unlike my house, is air-conditioned), finally read LOTR or something, though perhaps on Wednesday i’ll go to visit my grandmother (whose apartment is also air-conditioned).

Today i slept late (my body seemed to have just crashed, despite it’s already having crashed in a long evening nap yesterday) and had a lazy day. I went down to the library in the evening because i had various errands to do there, and then i hung out with Terry a bit. It’s interesting to me the ways that people are concerned about me. He thinks i don’t get out enough, aren’t social enough. He says i’m young; i should be out clubbing or something. I’m just not a real social person. I like one-on-one, but i’m not big on going out partying or anything. Plus, i didn’t have too many close friends in high school and i’ve really lost touch with everyone from high school (though i do have plans to attempt to remedy that with a few people). He’s been on my case for literally a month about what i’m doing for the Fourth of July. Honestly, i have no plans and i really don’t care. Patriotism giving me squicky feelings aside, it’s just never been a big deal to me. I like the fireworks, but other than that i could wholly do without it.

Somewhere else in the conversation he asked me about my post-college plans. I haven’t thought too much about what i wanna do after college, so i told him what i have thought about. I mentioned working in publishing, as an editor, and he asked how much that pays. I said i had no idea; i really haven’t looked at pay rates for jobs i won’t have for another 5 years. “Why not? Don’t you want to make a lot of money?” “Not really. I want to be able to live comfortably, but i really don’t need a lot.” This prompted a discussion. My parents have raised a family of 4 on roughly $30,000 a year, and while granted we have low rent and don’t own a car, i have never felt deprived and if we could raise a family of 4 on that, i certainly think i could raise a family of 1 on it. Terry said he didn’t think he could live on $30,000 a year, with a car and insurance payments and all. He was very sincere and thoughtful, not flippant at all. I thought that was interesting. He said i didn’t want anything, and i said that wasn’t wholly true, so he asked what i did want. I haven’t really thought about that much, especially because he mostly meant after college and i really haven’t thought much about that, but i did my best to answer. One of the things i said, thoughtfully, was “I think i want to be dating someone.” “Someone?” he asked, in a tone that asked me to clarify. I knew where he was going, but i wasn’t going to say it. If he didn’t say something i was going to say something like, “Yeah, someone nice, and intelligent, and sweet,” but then he said, “Someone? Guy? Girl?” “Either, really.” “Either one?” “Yeah.” “Why?” I took a deep breath. “How do you answer a question like ‘Why?’ ” i wondered sincerely. “Why not?” he said. “Sounds like a good reason to me.” His face didn’t look too stricken, but he kept saying stuff like “wow” and taking deep breaths. I just laughed. After a bit he said something like, “Moving right along.” And i keep writing stuff about fluidity of sexuality and the logistics of “coming out” to finish this off, but it keeps sounding gratuitous and pretentious, so i’m just not.

In the interest of posting something of some intellectual merit, here are two articles my dad sent me: one on sweatshops and one on IQ.

And in gay rights news, Bush Signs Law Extending Benefits To Same-Sex Couples and Homosexuals Fight For Same-Sex Marriage In New Jersey.

I finally saw last Thursday’s Bulletin tonight, and Jim MacPherson’s letter was in there, too. I was gonna just let it go, but since the letter’s in both papers i feel obligated to write a response. Sigh.