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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Saturday, November 16th, 2002

Time Event
8:32a
It's snowing. :-)
I just woke up and saw that the sky was white. I got up and looked out my window and saw that there was snow on the ground. It felt like real winter. And it is still snowing. This makes me happy.
3:06p
I love the smell of snow.
In honor of the fact that it has been snowing all day, i took the sheets which match the comforter off my bed and replaced them with my light purple flannel sheets.
8:51p
It's winter outside, baby.
I left the house for the first time today to go to Ex Post Papa and it smelled of winter and i walked carefully because there was this thin layer of crunchy slush on the ground. And there was just a bit of frozen precipitation coming down. And i was happy.
8:54p
Ex Post Papa was really good.
I laughed a lot. And i cried. A lot.

One of the stories the narrator tells is of getting a torch pin from hir Jewish father. "For the fire you bring. For the light inside of you." Something like that; i forget the exact wording. Now i want a fire ring. Remember a while ago i was talking about wanting a ring? I forgot about it, but now i really want one. I like fire imagery a lot.

I definitely identified with a lot of what the narrator said about being an "ex post papa." The world needs more mentors and safe havens and all. And queer youth are certainly in particular need of surrogate parents (as a group -- some of us have the best biological parents we could ask for).

I loved the story of Little Lord Fauntleroy, about how he expected his grandfather to be such a good person and the grumpy old earl became so having this image projected on to him. I read the book a number of years ago, but i had forgotten about that.
9:04p
The dry-erase board on my door still says "Love Bravely, Elizabeth."
I left right after Ex Post Papa finished even though people i knew were in the audience and there were refreshments and a question and answer session following. I knew i just needed to leave. The story was over and i didn't want to sit around and chat and hear questions and answers about specifics. Tears are dried on my face and there's a lump in my throat and i just want to be enveloped in warmth and safety but i don't know how.
9:11p
Annie is great.
I'm gonna hang in her room for a bit until her friend gets here and then i'm going to go for a walk. I think a walk, alone, in the winteryness, is exactly the right thing for me to do.
10:29p
"You have taught me to say: it is well with my soul."
"i know i can love you much better than this -- full of grace"

"touch me where i'm rusty; let it stain your hands"

"let's show them all how it's done; let's do it all imperfectly"



"Beauty is no end in itself, but if it makes our lives less miserable so that we might be more kind—well, then, let's have beauty, painted on our porcelain, hanging on our walls, ringing through our stories. We are a sorry tribe of beasts. We need all the help we can get."
11:39p
"You think we're dancing? It's all we've ever done."
I remembered today that i have these nice light blue pajamas with purple stars and yellow moons on them. Definitely wearing them to bed tonight.

I want some new icons. Would still love someone to make the wonderful animated icon i want. Am thinking of making an icon with a line from Ani’s “imperfectly” on it, but i haven’t yet decided how i wanna do it. Ooh, i’m so tempted to make an icon with an image of broccoli that says “it has a stem AND a bush.”

oatmilk, i was looking in the raw code and couldn’t figure out how to put that picture you made at the top of my LJ. Wanna help me out next time we’re both on AIM?

Oh, and did i mention that i pulled off an 89 on the Romantics exam i thought i would get like a C on?!

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