January 30th, 2003


I have good people, yo.

Layna still has up on her dry-erase board: “I love you. :) -Elizabeth” Little things like that make me happy. I really love spending time with her. I think the more time i spend with her the more i realize how much i miss(ed) it. We talked about how tax cuts can be bad because taxes pay for important things like teachers and roads and so on. We agreed that it would be so cool if you could choose how your tax money was spent. I think it would be great to go to the radical Catholic feminism meetings, even though i am so not Catholic, but alas, i am committed to Angel. And a big WOW to tonight’s episode. We yelled and applauded and laughed so much, and then at the end it was just “Guh!” I have been really happy with Angel recently. I saw the previews for next week’s Buffy before the State of the Union Address, and i’m hoping it doesn’t suck. Also, they need to have the vegan spring rolls that they served tonight way often, and they need to not run out after 15 minutes.

My dad sent me an e-mail and said “I read your LJ on watching the SOTU and I thought, it can hurt when you're in a minority but be true to yourself.”

I nearly cried. I love my family so much.

LJ apparently wouldn’t let my Mommy post, but her response to my post on Bush’s speech was:

"let me just say, I love my girl.
More immediately to the ponit, I'm proud of my girl's independent mind."

I’ve gotta say that i find it interesting that the two people i became friends with mostly through mutual Buffy love have become my two favorite people (not counting my parents) for supporting me in trying to hash out political issues.

Also, i would like to say that i really appreciate hearing from people, even (especially) people who disagree with me, “I understand where you’re coming from.”

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light.
- Albert Schweitzer

You may be feeling a little more hopeful, but the emotions still linger from yesterday. These are powerful times for you sensitive Crabs, especially as interpersonal communication takes the center stage for the next couple of days. Be real, but don’t give up…even if you feel overwhelmed.
-BeliefNet horoscope for January 29, 2003

Written but not posted after the civil liberties conference keynote speech on Bayard Rustin last Thursday:
I want so desperately to be consistent. To oppose all suffering and killing, to insist that there must always be an alternative. I want so badly to be able to believe and espouse that. “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.” I know Emerson said that in reference to changing your mind about what you believe, but i think it’s okay to appropriate it to defend flexibility and compromise.

Layna got this song stuck in my head.

As Cool As I Am
Dar Williams

Yeah, there was a time
I didn't like the love, I liked the climbers,
I was no sister then, I was running out of time and one liners,
And I was afraid, like you are when you're too young to know the time, and
So I watched the way you take your fear and hoard the horizon,
You point, you have a word for every woman you can lay your eyes on,
Like you own them just because you bought the time,
And you turn to me, you say you hope I'm not threatened,

Oh, I'm not that petty
As cool as I am, I thought you'd know this already,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.

So now we're at a club, you watch the woman dancing, she is drunk,
She is smiling and she's falling in a slow descending funk,
And the whole bar is loud and proud and everybody's trying, yeah.
You play the artist, saying, "Is it how she moves, or how she looks?"
I say it's loneliness suspended to our own like grappling hooks,
And as long as she's got noise, shes fine.
But I could teach her how I learned to dance when the music's ended.

Oh, and that's not petty
As cool as I am, I thought you'd know this already,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.

You tried to make me doubt, to make me guess, tried to make me feel like a little less,
Oh, I liked you when your soul was bared, I thought you knew how to be scared,
And now it's amazing what you did to make me stay,
But truth is just like time, it catches up and it just keeps going,

And so I'm leaving, you can find out how much better things can get,
And if it helps, I'd say I feel a little worse than I did when we met,
So when you find someone else, you can try again, it might work next time,
You look out of the kitchen window and you shake your head and say low,
"If I could believe that stuff, I'd say that woman has a halo,"
And I look out and say, "Yeah, shes really blond,"
And then I go outside and join the others, I am the others,

Oh, and that's not easy
I don't know what you saw, I want somebody who sees me,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.

"My heart's filled with thunderstorms and I'm ready to burst"

what good is a poker face
when you've got an open hand
i was supposed to be cool about this
i remember
cool was the plan
tried to keep it all under wraps
but the wraps kept going slack


you think you're not worthy
i'd have to say i agree
i'm not worthy of you
you're not worthy of me
which of us is deserving
look at the human race
the whole planet at arm's length
and we don't deserve this place