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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Sunday, February 16th, 2003

Time Event
4:34p
"i always feel i have to take a stand & there's always someone onhand to hate me for standing there"
This all makes me want to run away and cry. It is so complex, and everytime i think maybe i have a bit of it down, more stuff comes up and i keep feeling like i don’t know anything at all.

I have always avoided the TV news because it makes you depressed and scared and think the world is a horrid place. I’ve only made real efforts to get informed about world issues in the past few months. There are so many issues i wish i were more informed about, but one only has so much time, so for now i’m choosing Iraq.

So instead of reading more of The Bostonians (blah) i attempted to catch up on over a week’s worth of NYTimes and other stuff. The results of which are behind an LJ-cut. I’m not sure why i keep posting this stuff. Probably more for my own convenience for future reference than anything else.

And then i feel the need to comment on other people’s LJs. Why do i do this to myself? People drive me insane and i want to hide under a rock, and yet i insist on responding to things people say (even on the Jolt -- gawd i am so pathetic), to make them think. And no, i certainly don’t think everyone should or has to agree with me. Hell, half the time i’m not sure i agree with me. I just get really frustrated by ignorance and generalizations and all that.

Last Sunday i talked to my mom for 2 hours. She said, “Go forth and be an inspiration to your peers. Or at least complicate issues for them -- then we’ll know we’ve succeeded.”

Also around then, a friend of mine sent me this link and mentioned “i respect what you've said on lj even if i don't have the guts to talk politics myself” I’d never thought of talking politics as something that took guts. I thought it took being thoughtful and intelligent and well-read and i never thought i was up to that, but until i started posting about war on Iraq, i never realized that it really does take guts, never understood why many people vowed not to talk about politics or religion. In high school, we didn’t do much talking about issues, and we all pretty much agreed anyway. But when you start disagreeing with people....

Words of wisdom from my dad: "Just remember, every religion has its fundamentalists. And for many people, politics--especially left politics--is a religion."

anyway, long list of interesting quotes and links regarding war on IraqCollapse )
4:53p
or i could just quote song lyrics...
hour follows hour
like water follows water
everything is governed by the rule
of one thing leads to another
you can't really place blame
cuz blame is much to messy
some was bound to get on you
while you were tryin' to put it on me
and don't fool yourself
into thinking things are simple
nobody's lying still the stories don't line up
why do you try to hold on
to what you'll never get a hold on
you wouldn't try to put the ocean
in a paper cup
cuz i have had something to prove
as long as i know there's something
that needs improvement
and you know that every time i move
i make a woman's movement
and first you decide
what you've gotta do
then you go out and do it
and maybe the most we can do
then you go out and do it
and maybe the most we can do
is just to see each other through it
hour follows hour like water in a river
and from one to the next
we don't know what each hour will deliver
we just call it like we see it
call it out loud as we can
and then afterwards we call it all water over the dam
maybe the moral higher ground
ain't as high as it seems
maybe we are both good people
done some bad things
i just hope it was okay
i know it wasn't perfect
i hope in the end we can laugh
and say it was all worth it
cuz i have had something to prove
as long as i know something
that needs improvement
and you know that everytime i move
i make a woman's movement
and first you decide what you've gotta do
then you go out and do it
and maybe the most that we can do
is just to see each other through it
we make our own gravity to give weight to things
then things fall and they break and gravity sings
we can only hold so much is what i figure
try and keep our eye on the big picture
picture keeps getting bigger
and too much is how i love you
but too well is how i know you
and i've got nothing to prove this time
just something to show you
i guess i just wanted you to see
that it was all worth it to me


'cause i know the biggest crime
is just to throw up your hands
say
this has nothing to do with me
i just want to live as comfortably as i can
you got to look outside your eyes
you got to think outside your brain
you got to walk outside you life
to where the neighborhood changes

...

you've got your whole life to do something
and that's not very long
so why don't you give me a call
when you're willing to fight
for what you think is real
for what you think is right



but i always feel i have to
take a stand
and there's always someone on hand
to hate me for standing there
i always feel i have to open my mouth
and every time i do
i offend someone
somewhere

...

you know i can't apologize
for everything i know
i mean you don't have to agree with me
but once you get me going
you better just let me go
we have to be able to criticize
what we love
say what we have to say
'cause if you're not trying to make something better
as far as i can tell
you're just in the way
7:03p
It's a defense mechanism, no?
That i mutter "bitch" under my breath and can't help laughing as i participate in all seriousness in online debates.
8:56p
Wow, that sounded like thunder outside.
It was probably a truck or something, but whoa... weird.
10:30p
I love my people.
Melissa Parham, President of the Smith Republican Club, wrote a really horrible article in last week's (Feb. 13) issue of the Sophian. The logic was just so faulty, and there were gross generalizations, it was just so bad. I read it, groaned at how bad it made pro-war people look, considered writing a piece espousing the conservative side in actually rational and intelligent terms, and tossed it into the back of my mind. Well, Ria heard about it at brunch and was really offended by a lot of it, so tonight she and Sophie and Marnie (logician artiste) are drafting a point-by-point rebuttal. I love thinking people. And one of these days Marnie and i are gonna argue and it's gonna be fabulous.
10:58p
I love when people apologize.
And honestly, this debate thing really does thrill me. It must or i wouldn't keep subjecting myself to it. :)

And finding that really you agree with a lot of what the other person believes. Also with the good.

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