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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Tuesday, April 1st, 2003

Time Event
12:01a
No kidding.
Today is the one-year anniversary of my having a LiveJournal (thanks to athene).

I was going to write some long essay on the dynamics of my LiveJournaling but decided against it. I am a big fan of TruePenny’s manifesto, though:
This is my mantra: I am writing these posts on the tails of an armada of kites--dragonflies and cranes and glorious dragons--and letting the kites go. If someone else finds one of my kites, reads the post, and enjoys it, that's fantastic. If they send a kite back to me, that's even better. But the point is not the answer; the point is sending the kites in the first place. (In other words, the LJ is not a popularity contest. I will not obsess about it.)

Pursuant to this conceptualization, I am making myself three promises.

1. I will not dumb myself down or apologize for being smart.

2. I will not be embarrassed or defensive about liking something which other people think is a piece of shit, or vice versa.

3. I will choose what I want to write about but I will not censor myself. My vocabulary can range across as many registers as it damn well pleases. I will not be afraid to say what I think.
Also, i want color schemes for the people on my friendslist. Oblige me?

Current Mood: entry #733
12:55a
I love my life.
New "you think you know..." icon thanks to anniesj.

I am way excited about Senior Banquet Prophecies. (And i have to be good and not talk about them on LJ until afterward. But i do get to exercise my stalking and talking future librarian skills.)

I love my people so much.

I accomplished things and will continue to do so, and i do my job well, and people love me.

All will be well.

(Bryn Mawr was one of the few places i would have gone if i didn't get into Smith.)
8:31a
Happy April, folks.
So it snowed a little bit last night, and a little bit the night before,

Odd ducks is this New England weather.
12:23p
Fucking rock!
I am aware of the suck that is a part of the lives of so many people i care about right now, but i am really pleased that my life isn't the suck. For one, Oxford sent course info by e-mail so i just found out that i got the 2 classes i wanted -- Literary Makings of the Modern Self and Fictions of Black Britain. Whee!
5:23p
So, it's snowing again.
It's also quite dreary.

I persist in being in a really good mood, though.

I got Jessica SweetieGirl addicted to LiveJournal. Whee!

Now all i need is for Joan to get a LiveJournal and my LJworld will be complete. :)


In other news, slips of the tongue were Michael was talking about how miscegenation was seen as a threat to white masculinity, and then Gail started talking about the topic, only she said "misogynation," which i thought was such an appropriate accident. In Soc class, Kim said that one of the essays we read talked about "possession with no intent to use" and they meant "possession with no intent to sell" (which made much more sense) but then when she was talking about it later she said "no incent to tell." Also, she mentioned one of the students looking "pregnant with meaning" and someone heard it as "pregnant with me." Okay, i'm done now.
11:55p
The consensus is that God is a Dar Williams fan.
Can I blow this small town, make a big sound
Like the start of a film noir postcard
...
Yeah, let’s watch the tour bus stop and tell us,
“Here’s the scene of a spring green life dream,
Take the best part, write it in your caffeine diary.”
...
This year April had a blizzard, just to show she did not care,
And the new dead leaves they make the trees look like children with gray hair,
But I’ll push myself up through the dirt and shake my petals free,
I’m resolved to being born and so resigned to bravery


In the rain, in the rain, people rush around on cold streets
Here's a shell to hear their heartbeats very loud, very loud
Where's the pain, it's only rain, it's only slowing down a work day
...
What's the rush, dip your brush into this twilight
There are leaves upon the skylight, trace your hand, trace your hand


Well you mend your clothes and patch your roof and slivers of God’s
shattered
truth
Grow tender as the grass in clean swept yards.


I say, it’s loneliness suspended to our own like grappling hooks,
And as long as she’s got noise, she’s fine.
But I could teach her how I learned to dance when the music’s ended.
...
And then I go outside to join the others, I am the others


Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And where does magic come from? I think magic’s in the learning
...
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold.


Cause when you live in a world, well it gets into who you thought you’d be,
And now I laugh at how the world changed me,
I think life chose me after all.


I watch the students in this college town.
You would think they’re carefree, I have seen their trials,
Frowning into Shakespeare and practicing their smiles,
Even underlining Nabokov,
When I am not in love, in love.
It happens every day, with their journals in cafes,
Looking up at their reflections on the other wall,
With every new idea, wondering if they’ve changed at all,
Then they turn away, it happens every day.
Life is as hard and as easy as they say,
Walking the steps we’ve chosen on this day.
Some will be outrageous, some have rarely shown,
Some will walk like couples, some quite alone.
As I think about the world I see,
They stare and smile at me, at me.
It happens every day, at the crossing of the street
Looking out to see what’s new and what is still the same,
And the only world for love is everybody’s name,
And that will always stay, happens everyday.
And every day will happen without you.


And February was so long that it lasted into March
And found us walking a path alone together.
You stopped and pointed and said, “That’s a crocus,”
And I said, “What’s a crocus?” and you said, “It’s a flower,”
I tried to remember, but I said, “What’s a flower?”
You said, “I still love you.”



[I used to say that i loved every song on Mortal City but the title track, but reading the lyrics tonight i think i fell it love with it.]


And the blessings were like poets we never find time to know

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