May 12th, 2003


I have been back in my homeland since Saturday afternoon.

My mother's father is dying. People don't want to say the D word. They express condolences about her father's "ilness" or the fact that he's "having trouble" ("breathing!" my mother feels like adding to that last one). I wonder what the psychology is behind that aversion to actually saying "dying."

We have DSL and my brother thinks once i get my computer set up he can get it connected, too. This would be exciting.

I am starting to freak about paying for Oxford and trying not to worry 2 years early about "real life" after college.

I have way too much stuff. I'm glad i don't have an internship this summer because it means i have time to go through all of this stuff, but the money would have been really nice.

I saw Allegra at dinner on Friday and she said she was "feeling emotional." "I'm not," i thought. I didn't feel like i was losing anyone i cared about, what with the Internet and all.

There are so many people i want to visit this summer, and the realization of just how little time there is between now and the time i leave for England is terrifying. (There's also so much reading/research i want to do this summer and already i know i won't be able to get all i want done.)

I want to do zines again. I say this a lot.