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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Sunday, July 13th, 2003

Time Event
12:07a
Stupid, stupid girl.
Last night i was in just slippers, so my feet eventually got cold during one of our late-night outings (Mandy would go out and smoke and i would go out and not smoke with her) so Mandy lent me her ski socks. I had to do laundry tonight, so i decided to throw in the socks she'd lent me. It did not occur to me that the dark blue socks might bleed all over my white underwear, socks, and "smart is sexy" t-shirt. Grr. The undergarments don't matter, but i don't really want my t-shirt tinted blue. I will survive, though, and perhaps it can be successfully bleached when i return home. (Also, Mommy, i know we say i have no real world skills, but these machines are much more complicated than the Smith ones and other than the sock mishap -- which was a fluke as it wasn't my clothing -- i think i will have successfully washed and dried my clothes.)

The dryer doesn't have a time display, so i'm just gonna hang in my room for an hour, hopefully taking notes on Anita and Me. (And yes, i did eventually take a couple naps, so i'm not currently ready to pass out -- though i'm getting there.)
12:38a
In other news,
this is one of the assistant directors of the UMass Oxford program. Whoa. Alice was complaining that she stole the life she wanted -- actress, lawyer, Fulbright scholar. Wow, Marissa knew what she was talking about when she said Miriam was married to some 50-year-old actor. Bo from Days of Our Lives?! G*damn.
11:16a
Just can't get away.
Hadn't realized when my father sent me this that i would be walking right into it when i crossed the pond.

Went to service at The University Church of St Mary the Virgin this morning. The following letter was inserted in every program.
Pastoral letter from the bishop of Oxford
to be used in churches in the diocese on Sunday 13 July


Dear Friends

May I first of all say that I am acutely aware of the emotion and feelings which the appointment and withdrawal of Canon Jeffrey John as the next bishop of Reading have stirred for many people in the diocese.

In the diocese there had been various meetings of deanery synods, PCC's and other groups to express views and concerns about the appointment, and we had in place a summer programme in which further listening was going to be undertaken and ways of respecting opposition to the appointment were going to be identified. It is my view that Jeffrey has outstanding episcopal gifts, and that his appointment could and would have worked in the diocese. Most recently, nearly all the area deans of the Reading episcopal area had sent Jeffrey a letter of welcome.

Jeffrey decided to withdraw last Sunday after a meeting with the archbishop the previous day, at which I was present, in which concerns were discussed about the effect of the appointment particularly on the worldwide Anglican Communion. Jeffrey's letter to me, which i received with great sadness, and my reply, can be seen with other statements on the diocesan website.

The diocese can be proud of the courtesy with which its own discussion of the appointment has been conducted. This good foundation of fellowship must now be the basis for reflection and consultation, in order for the diocese to live out its unity and refocus on the vital strategy which together we need to effect: an imminent meeting of the area deans and lay chairs of the diocese will start this reflection off. Reflection is also needed before steps are taken to identify a new bishop of Reading: but it is certainly not true, as the Times speculated last Tuesday, that the see of Reading will remain vacant.

The courtesy must also continue as we play our part in the ongoing dialogue on sexuality - a dialogue for which Issues in Human Sexuality called, for which recent events have shown all the more need, which the archbishop in his statement last Saturday emphasised, and which the forthcoming Guide to the Debate will assist. All of us, whatever our views, need to enable lesbian and gay people inside and outside our churches who interpret recent events in terms of rejection, to feel the loving presence of the Holy Spirit.

As together we think through what has happened and discern what God is teaching us, please continue to pray that our life together may be strengthened and be a fitting instrument for God's love in Jesus Christ.

With every good wish and blessing

[signature]

Diocesan Church House, North Hinksey, Oxford OX2 0NB
Tel: Oxford (01865) 208222 Fax: (01865) 790470
E-mail: bishopoxton@dch.oxford.anglican.org http://www.oxford.anglican.org
In her sermon, Rvd Dr Harriet Harris mentioned that many people say debate should precede action, but she argued that from the baptism of the Gentiles things such as this have happened because people were seen to be called by God, given special gifts, and that the debate came later as people tried to understand and catch up to the will of God. I liked that idea.
10:27p
Saw Iris tonight.
I approve.

"How would we know [if we were going crazy], those of us who live in our minds anyway?"
-Iris.

Iris: " 'Puzzled.' That's a funny word, isn't it?"
John: "They all are, aren't they, when you sneak up on them."

I really must read Iris Murdoch's stuff now. [Only not so much in the literal sense of "now," of course.]

Language is so important to her, and i definitely identify with that, and am interested to learn more of what she had to say about that specifically.

So painful watching her struggle (i think those are the most tragic debilitations, when you can no longer communicate, particularly in the early stages when you are aware of the fact that you can't communicate properly). But once she was (loved the Twelve Dancing Princesses metaphor) in her own world, i kept thinking of Bob Murray as i watched John.

The Anna Karenina story... oh god, you ache for the poor guy.

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