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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

Time Event
10:41a
Am fucking space-cadet.

Am so not focused on this paper. The lure of break and fic and jterm and all this far more interesting stuff to think about does not help.

Am so very very tempted to do a different one. [And the idea of this as a possibility of course makes my motivation to finish this paper plummet.]

I am the worst at putting stuff off until like the last possible second.

Profound not-caring doesn't help either.


Am taking the 3:20 bus out of Northampton this afternoon. Try not to miss me too much. Will be at least somewhat computerized while home, so e-mail if you need me.


[I hear LJ is being comment-spammed again. I also hear the LJ Abuse team can sysban IP addresses. Yay. The complaint form is here.]
2:10p
I feel like i don't deserve this break, like i don't do any (school)work. I don't regret my decision to not do the Hughes paper, but i wish i could have been focused enough to have written it (especially since kq said in class many of the things i thought). This semester has been shit because i don't have the time to put enough time/energy/focus into anything. Plus, i'm horribly procrastinatory and unfocused. I am delusional and say next semester will be better, knowing full well that the problem of not having time to do research for anything not for class or even just to update about my life will be just as much a problem as last year.

I know i'm smart. A lot of times i think i'm fucking brilliant and that i think about things way more than other people. But so many times i feel like i suck at the academic thing, whether because i'm inherently bad at it or because i just don't want to focus my time/energy on it.

"I just want to be brilliant on my own terms." -me

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