I read this
, and my biggest thought was “Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin! I know them from the film
i saw at the film fest
last fall.” It’s not like i’ve ever actually met them, but i know a lot about them from the film, and i think it’s so wonderful and appropriate that they were the first same-sex couple to be officially married in the United States
(though California law states that "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California," something some people argue is unconstitutional
I’ve never really been bitter about Valentine’s Day. Mostly it just bothers me in the way Christmas does: It’s the one day out of the year in which you proclaim your love. Lots of people expand Valentine’s Day from being just about couples and give cards, candy, whatever, to friends. Maybe it’s just ‘cause i’ve never been one of the popular kids (or just because mastering the whole social thing has never been one of my strengths), but that whole process makes me uncomfortable. You should express your love to your people throughout the year. Holidays are convenient, but for those of us who are paranoid, they can feel like obligations (on both ends). Then there’s also my cheap factor, wherein the obligation to spend lots of money on the one you love (or even just a lot of time doing something homemade, because it is this certain day) rubs me the wrong way. You wanna celebrate your anniversary? Go for it. But why should you have the pressure to do lots of stuff for your partner on a day that only means anything because the world says it does, has no actual relation to you and your relationship.
Recently i’ve felt like i just want to be dating someone ‘cause i like physical affection and i don’t get near enough of that, and it would be nice to have someone to kiss. (Plus the ego stroke of there mere fact that someone wants to date me. What? Have i ever said i’m not shallow?
Then i remember what i really think of dating: that it’s about finding the person you want to commit the rest of your life to, that it’s about a primary partner, the person who comes first in all the world, “your home, your bottom line,” as Amy Hunt said.
I was talking to a friend recently and joked about dating her. She said:
that is a really really scary thought, sweetie. I don't think it would get that far . .. I think we'd kill each other.
traits that one can tolerate in a friend often become intolerable in a lover, let me tell you.
we have irreconcilable differences
which we get around by respecting each others' opinions
it's impossible to be as respectful of another's opinions when you're dating them. a very sad thing.
I sometimes wonder what my parents see/saw in each other since they are so very different, but the fact that they are still so deeply in love and committed to each other after more than 20 years (and 2 children) makes me instinctively question the idea that friends who are different can’t be partners, by virtue of those differences. Though there are plenty of friends i couldn’t date because we have such different ways of being in the world, so i definitely understand where the argument comes from. But partnership is about being with the person who matters most to you in the world, not about how similar your politics are. I mean, i like
talking to people with whom i disagree. Talking to yourself gets boring (though that implies i don’t argue with myself, something we all know is untrue). But i sometimes get so sick of disagreeing with people, and certainly there are points at which having such differences just isn’t feasible. So yeah, i totally understand the argument, i just sort of instinctively react against it.
Thoughts? (On the evils of Valentine’s Day, the purpose of dating, irreconcilable differences, or anything else.)