August 5th, 2004

crazy [lavellebelle]

"i see you and i'm so unsatisfied..."


So, i've been on something of a hiatus from most everything for the past week or so (unfortunately i still didn't manage to get much productive accomplished in that new "free time") and i started checking LJ again today, and i got so angry. This is why i'm surprised more people don't unfriend me over political disagreements: because people write things i think are so wrong and it just drives me up a wall, and certainly i'm not the only person who reacts that way. [Though to be fair, not all the homicide-inducing stuff is political in nature.]

I have such fucking high expectations for people. Not so much that i want them to agree with me (though of course that would be nice) but that i want them to problematize their assumptions, to struggle to understand where those who disagree with them coming from, to not make personal attacks.

Of course politics isn't the only arena i expect way too fucking much from people. This is why i will never date anyone ever. And half the people i wanna be friends with are too cool for me or whatever so i will just wallow in my solitude. *shoots things*

*sighs* I'm an inner-directed, stubbornly self-sufficient, independent person, and for the most part i revel in that, but sometimes i want people, and i have so very few safe people. (Though i remind myself that i have some very wonderful people in my life and i shouldn't discount that.)

[The fact that various work-related things have been frustrating me, and that i'm beginning to stress about grad school in earnest, have not helped my state of mind.]