February 24th, 2005

small girl in big world [_extraflamey_]

"I fought the law, and the law won."

I don't even particularly like The Clash, but i've had that stuck in my head since last night.

We so go to a girls school. During dinner, two adorable little girls came in, and they had the attention of probably the entire table i was sitting at. Then they pulled out My Little Ponies, which i love. I miss Hayley and Chelsey.

People have stopped asking me if i've heard from my grad programs yet, but back when they were asking i kept forgetting that i even had apps to be waiting for until people asked me. Now people i know are starting to get acceptances, and i'm truly happy for them, but it reminds me that i haven't got accepted anywhere yet and makes this fact and my looming post-grad future stick in my brain. I don't even know if i wanna be in a PhD program next year, and i know i'll be happy whatever i'm doing, but everyone just assumes i'll get into grad school and i'm not looking forward to disappointing people. Plus, i find all of my friends exasperating at times, but they're also all more brilliant than i am, which i think is unfair.

I felt removed from RCFOS tonight, in large part because the recent retreat and the upcoming Mollie Rogers weekend were so a part of the atmosphere. (And not because i was/am not a part of those things and it was an exclusionary atmosphere, just because i don't feel connected to those things.) Also because my bad mood still lingered, so i didn't trust myself to contribute in a non-bitchy manner.
A vigil for rainforest activist nun Dorothy Stang immediately preceded and heavily colored the meeting. Emily asked what you would do if you knew that the path you chose for your life would lead to your death. I thought, flippantly, "All paths lead to death."
Emily also read a passage about Buddhism and Christianity and touching God and people kept talking about touching God like i would talk about oneness or full communion with God.
After the fact i was able to articulate coherently and respectfully on those two topics, but at the time i just kept quiet.
OtherElizabeth mentioned The Polar Express, which i've been meaning to reread for ages. I recall loving it, and i talk about it as if i still love it, though i am apparently guilty of misremembering the ending. I half-suspect i'll prefer my ending. Oh me and my tragedy.
In related news, it makes me sad that i don't spend very much time talking with Ruhi.

P.S. I'm jealous of Amherst. We do get Judith Halberstam, though.

I learned from antheia that this week's rightclicklick theme is "Boy Touching." I may have to friend the community for the week. However, she has already linked to the best post thus far -- from which i learned that Dangerous Lady (1995) includes Jason Isaacs kissing a guy.

Other highlights:
This includes: Interview with a Vampire, Jude Law and Stephen Fry, Maurice, Brideshead Revisited (which dammit i really need to read; totally didn't know it was queer until last night)
This includes Alan Cummings and Jason Isaacs
This includes Jay and Silent Bob go film noir
This includes John Cameron Mitchell and Stephen Trask (and David Boreanaz and Alexis Denisof). Warning for Macaulay Culkin in the top image.