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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Wednesday, October 11th, 2006

Time Event
12:46a
Today (October 11)  is National Coming Out Day (here in the USA).
I tend to think that in LJ this would be redundant (for me), but apparently it isn't quite as obvious as I thought.

Admittedly, queering everything does not necessarily mean one is queer oneself.  (And it would be more accurate to say I sexualize everything, though there's definitely a queer bent to it.)  I very explicitly come out as queer in my LJ UserInfo, though it isn't the very top line and I'm sure some people get intimidated by the sheer amount of text in said UserInfo.

I haven't had serious girlperson crushes in a while, and I don't have any exes period (one of the easy ways to reveal that one is interested in a particular half of the population is to slip mention of an ex into conversation).
Why is the possibility of "passing" so insistently viewed as a great privilege ... and not understood as a terrible degradation and denial?
-Evelyn Torton Beck, Nice Jewish Girls
In Monday Night in Westerbork, Bear talks about the importance of telling/sharing our stories.  My story is full of boring and safe, but for anyone who cares, here it is:

very wordy, as is my wontCollapse )

Historical Note

In Googling I stumbled across the information that the date for National Coming Out Day was chosen to commemorate the March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights: October 11, 1987.  (The same year my younger brother was born.)  According to wiki, the March protested the Bowers v. Hardwick decision* and the U.S. government's handling of the AIDS epidemic and was also the first public display of the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt.  (I know I haven't done a writeup of Monday Night in Westerbork, but I had meant to informally poll after seeing it because one of the audience members expressed concern that her college kids wouldn't recognize the AIDS Quilt allusion in the show.  I think of it as an obviously known cultural touchstone, but I also spend a lot of time in queer/liberal circles.  I remember viewing some panels in the NHS gym while I was in high school, though it wasn't a particularly moving/memorable experience -- though I absolutely cried during Bear's anecdote in Monday Night in Westerbork.)

* "Bowers v. Hardwick, 478 U.S. 186 (1986), was a United States Supreme Court decision that upheld the constitutionality of a Georgia sodomy law that criminalized oral and anal sex in private between consenting adults. Seventeen years later the Supreme Court directly overruled Bowers in Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558 (2003), and held that such laws are unconstitutional."
-wiki


***

I, of course, love Ani's bisexual anthem:
[...]

some days the line i walk
turns out to be straight
other days the line tends to
deviate


[...]

i've got more than one membership
to more than one club
and i owe my life
to the people that i love
I also have much fondness for the chaotic blurry queerness of Blur's "Girls & Boys":
Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they're girls
Who do girls like they're boys
Always should be someone you really love
Aw, heck, musicspam (some more literally queer than others):

How do I not have Ani's "In or Out" on mp3?  Someone please remedy this for me?

All links are sendspace because YSI was giving me difficulty.


* Ani DiFranco, "The Whole Night" ("we can touch, touch our girl cheeks...")
* Dar Williams, "Iowa (Traveling III)" ("I have never had a way with women, but the hills of Iowa make me wish that I could")
* Billie Myers, "Flexible" ("She's James Bond in a dress...")
* Catie Curtis, "What's the Matter" ("This town was my biggest fan 'til I was who I am")
* Alix Olsen, "Cute for a Girl" ("I said, 'If it's dick you're after, darlin', try my top dresser drawer' ")
* Tori Amos, "Raspberry Swirl" ("I am not your señorita, I am not from your tribe")
* Holly Near, "Imagine My Surprise" ("Lady poet of great acclaim, I have been misreading you, I never knew your poems were meant for me")
* Melissa Ferrick, "Drive" ("I'll hold you up and drive you all night")
* Sophie B, Hawkins, "32 Lines" ("I want your hand across my belly, I want your breasts upon my back")
* Bikini Kill, "Rebel Girl" ("In her kiss, I taste the revolution")
* Loudon Wainwright III, "I Wish I Was A Lesbian"
* Phranc, "Bulldagger Swagger"
* Reel Big Fish, "She Has a Girlfriend Now"
* Jill Sobule, "I Kissed A Girl"
* Blur, "Boys and Girls"
* Two Nice Girls, "I Spent My Last $10 (On Birth Control And Beer)" ("I spent my last ten dollars on birth control and beer / My life was so much simpler when I was sober and queer")
* Peaches, "Gay Bar"
4:00a
And now I'm going to try bed again.
I don't really understand why I'm still awake. I honestly did go to bed and try to fall asleep.

Getting back up again did mean I had a wonderful brief IM chat with Joe (especially welcome after our last conversation, where I felt like we weren't connecting like we sometimes do).

I'm fond of phone posts and thought about trying to read this poem but decided against it, going instead with a poem by one of the authors I'd used in my 2006 daily Lenten poetry. I apologize for the low volume.

text and voicepostCollapse )
8:56p
Happy Hump Day.
11:09am Eric e-mailed me an Internet c&p about next week's Heroes episode, which I ignored because it looked mildly spoilery, but I did call him because it meant he clearly had some work downtime.  We chatted briefly and then he said, "Well, I'm creating e-mail signatures, so I need to go."
me: "What, you can't multi-task like that?  You just hate talking on the phone."
him: "I hate talking on the phone.  We know that."
me: "Yeah, I know you hate talking on the phone; I just forget how much you hate it.  And you never actually say 'Okay, I'm done talking on the phone, e-mail me,' you always make up some excuse, like, 'Okay, I need to tie my shoes, I have to go.' "

*

Michelle joined us for lunch again, and we were talking about Eric's hermit crab (I think I posted about how his friend Debbie got him a beta fish and a hermit crab when he was having a shitty weekend recently).  As per usual, I commented that given the amount of animals he has in his one-bedroom apartment, more animals would probably not be the best gift choice.  I suggested buying him chocolate or taking him out to dinner.
He said he's not really a big eater.
Mary Alice suggested alcohol.
He said he's not a big drinker.  And I pointed out that he's not supposed to drink because of his medication.
Then in unison, Mary Alice and I suggested: sex.
Eric: "No way!  That would be like having sex with my sister!"  (And okay, my brain totally went to the HIMYM episode.)
"Which of us are you talking about?" I asked.  He said he meant his friend Debbie.  I had been been thinking generally -- like what should.
Mary Alice, to me: "Having sex with you would be like having sex with his sister; having sex with me would be like having sex with his mother."

It was around this point that Emily came back.  Mary Alice explained, "Eric's not having sex with your mother."  Yeah, it was pretty awesome.  And Emily seemed very chill about it all, which I was pleased by.

And to think that we started off lunch fairly tamely with discussion of the ingredients in Eric's Odwalla -- "bioflavanoids": natural?, well "bio" could also stand for "biographical" joked Eric; I literally squeaked laughing at that one.

*

Mary Alice is gonna get a tattoo tomorrow.  I said something about how we should be nice to her next week ('cause you know, pain as it heals) and asked if she wanted chocolate or tequila.  She said the tattoo was to celebrate having done the race, so empty calories were perhaps not the best.  I said well I couldn't offer sex.  She agreed (we've had a number of conversations over the year about how she's very straight).  At this point FormerUnitHead came out of his office to ask me what room the NOM Talk was gonna be in.
"I'm being propositioned," Mary Alice said cheerfully to him.  I put my hands up and made surrender noises, but he just laughed.

*

After lunch, there was conversation about how we didn't wanna go back to work.  I said I didn't wanna go back to my lack of work.  Michelle said Dee was stuffing promotions packets -- had done all the hard part, was just doing the tedious part.  So I went down to help her.  Probably around 2.

Around 2:30 I was feeling really hungry and not sure why but then I realized I had only had yogurt for lunch.  Last night I stopped at CVS and bought peanuts, dark chocolate covered almonds, and a bottle of kiwi strawberry juice -- so I wouldn't starve during my class.  I brought them in today to leave them in my desk (minus the juice, of course) so I wouldn't have to do a run again next Tuesday.  Of course this meant I was snacking on them this morning (which I knew would happen, since I'm almost always hungry in the morning despite eating breakfast and I don't do hunger denial/resistance well).

Anyway.  As a joint effort, it only took us a couple hours to finish.  I was back up on my floor around 4pm.  Dee was v. v. grateful.  I like being helpful and was also glad for the positive reinforcement since it's so easy for me to be lazy (yeah, I have totally gotten over any uncomfortableness I may have had about sitting around getting paid to surf the Internet).

[I actually heard about the small aircraft crash in NYC when downstairs, rather than via LJ as per usual.  Got the news that it was Yankees player Cory Lidle from Greg while snacking after hours.]

*

I only got about three hours of sleep last night, and was fine all day, but after the mind-numbing-ness of stuffing promotions packets, I was so done.  At 4:30 I was seriously considering just going home early.  The afternoon mail was waiting for me, including the first of the recruiting application packages, and I knew I wasn't gonna deal with any of it until tomorrow.

*

NOM Seminar leftovers included corn chips, guacamole, olive tampanade, and pesto (which actually tasted like pesto -- unlike the silage, TM Rich, of last week -- though it still wasn't very good).  Rich actually wrapped up a container of olive tampanade for me to take home.  (There were leftovers like whoa.)

I'd been thinking of getting my hair cut after work today since Newton's been postponed.  I need a trim.  Would like something interesting but don't know what I want.  Nicole suggested I go somewhere moderately good with a person I trust and tell them to do whatever and then I can just get it trimmed in future months at a cheaper place as they'll be able to just follow the line.

Anyway, what with the tiredness and the fact that I didn't end up leaving until 5:30 and I was carrying an impromptu container of olive tampanade, I decided to just do a quick grocery run, eat a light dinner, and go to bed.

It started raining as I was getting close to home, but even after I dropped off my stuff and went back out to do a quick grocery shop the rain really wasn't bad (despite NewRoomie's warning).  This even leaving aside my personal affinity for rain.

I think bed now is a good plan.

*****

Ah, the joys of making 2 incongruous Amazon orders in quick succession.
Amazon.com has new recommendations for you based on items you purchased or told us you own.

Read more...Collapse )
*

Prompted by comments, a poll about buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Bellies.  Also, last Friday we mentioned some movie that I hadn't seen and Mary Alice mentioned that she had it on DVD.  I said I needed to return her DVD of Steel Magnolias.  She asked if I liked it.  I said yes, I enjoyed it.  Eric said, "You did?" and gave me a look like unto disgust.  Of course, Mary Alice always brings up Howard the Duck, as evidence that he has no leg to stand on.  (He loves this movie and was distressed to see it on some list of the Top Ten Worst Movies Ever.  None of the rest of us have seen it, of course.  Hell, Emma hasn't seen it.)

Poll #842739 (bad) candy and movies

buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly's

Yay!
7(46.7%)
Ew! (texture is all wrong)
3(20.0%)
Ew! (tastes like urine)
2(13.3%)
What is this you speak of?
3(20.0%)

Steel Magnolias

Fun movie.
7(53.8%)
Not a fan.
6(46.2%)
I just lost some respect for you that you enjoyed that movie.
0(0.0%)

Howard the Duck

I love that movie.
3(25.0%)
You should totally watch it just so you can have an opinion.
3(25.0%)
Dear God, no.
6(50.0%)

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