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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Thursday, January 29th, 2009

Time Event
12:08p
"Look ahead, but also look behind you and know that God was there." -Molly last night (parahphrased)
Follow-up to "the fuckup that ruined Saturday"...

B was just in front of my desk and said, "I don't think you were in the room when I said it yesterday" [it occurs to me that he was probably referring to the recruiting "decision" meeting yesterday -- which I stole food from but did not volunteer to stay and takes minutes for ... though obv. I would have gladly done so if asked] "but I thought you did a really good job with Recruiting this year. There were a lot of things that could have slipped through the cracks -- and only one did."

I laughed and said that I feel like what I remember are all the little things that went wrong -- not that that was a little thing, but all the little things where I should have been more on top of things than I was -- and so I was glad that his impression was on the whole positive.

He said that that was a big important learning for next time because we absolutely need to have them*, "that's the game," but ... something like he wasn't stupid enough to think that that one thing was representative of my performance throughout this whole process.

*them = the materials we didn't have that Saturday

Current Mood: comforted
11:25p
"All your friends are in need of your prayers." -Ari (sympathetically)
I walked to work.  I considered taking the bus, but I decided the walkways were manageable (that the ice was often uneven made walking far less treacherous).  I am often mega lazy and avoidant, but I am also mega stubborn.  I fell on my ass twice (once on College Ave. and once on JFK St.) and still went to the gym (though I didn't do quite a full routine 'cause of soreness).

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]


Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
     -"You Are Mine" (David Haas)


Five good things about today:
1. B praised my handling of Recruiting this year (even with "the fuckup that ruined Saturday").
2. A friend of mine repeatedly thanked me for being so supportive -- and I was touched but simultaneously thrown because I didn't feel like I'd done anything beyond just of course what I would have done (as I articulated this as an Affirmation at CAUMC tonight, I recalled how I had nearly this exact same dynamic with L. around her move).
     i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
     my heart)

3. Katie and I did get to walk to the T together after work and talk.  Not terribly long as she had dinner plans, but given today we actually probably had less to say than we would have yesterday.  And there is talk of brunch on Saturday.
4. Laurie was at CAUMC, which was a totally unexpected bonus (I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving).  At Affirmations, she said that she thinks about me a lot, and said that I'm not conventional but that I'm very comfortable(?) in who I am.
4.5. Sean left vegetarian chili for dinner, and I was concerned that I wouldn't like it (tomato, spice, etc.) but it was actually v. good (and there was also sour cream to add to it).
5. I RSVPed (again) for tomorrow night, and Jeff replied, "Looking forward to sharing the meal and time with you!  It was really fantastic to see you again, and to get your amazing hugs! :)  See ya tomorrow!"

Three things I did well today:
1. [gym] ~25min weight room
2. I'm a good friend.
3. I did the Lilith reading for tomorrow.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. Lilith book group
2. reading friends' "25 Random Things About Me" notes on facebook

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