// Only wish that you were here //
I went to the library this afternoon, chatted with Fran, was like, "Is Terry around? I thought I'd grab lunch," and she said no he wasn't working today and smiled and I just got this strong sense of "I'll be professional and cheerful and friendly, but I am not giving you any more information than is absolutely necessary," and I had no idea how to respond. I chatted with some other people and went and left a note in the custodial office and am considering if I still haven't heard in a couple weeks just calling on a Friday and literally asking "Is Terry working tomorrow?"
I went grocery shopping with my mom, and over the speakers was playing "Babylon."
Heh. /obscure [redacted v. 2] reference
Ugh, I feel frustrated about the emails I've sent recently. It's so hard to balance allowing myself to be hurting and messy with trying to respond appropriately to the other person. My mom suggested that next time I like take a deep breath before I email back, which is probably a good idea, though I'm not sure if I would be able to actually step back and calm down and move to a more rational and holistic place, because I know I get consumed by obsession and the recent emails I've sent when I'm at the point where I can't stand to keep working on the email any more (though giving myself permission to step away, to not actually send the email for a few days, would probably be a good idea).
I really don't like having stuff be so out of my control. (Not that I necessarily want to be able to wholly control it, but more that I hate feeling like there isn't anything I can do, that it's totally out of my hands.) Current Mood: not having a nervous breakdown