March 13th, 2009

righteous shall walk by faith

[Thursday]

Wednesday morning I was telling my mom that I have managed to read a Psalm each day (my Lenten discipline this year) though some days I only barely remember to read a Psalm, and I've barely been meditative about it since like Day 2.

Wednesday night after I went to bed I remembered that I hadn't read a Psalm yet that day.  Given that my headache was making me want to throw up, I opted to stay in bed.

I was glad to feel well today.  But I didn't do like anything at work.  I'm still being avoidant about certain things, plus I'm crap at putting my downtime to any use even non-work stuff like church writeups.  This needs to stop.

I met Ross at Starbucks after work -- and he bought me a drink :)  We discussed Jesus' death on the cross, salvation (including the importance of "faith"), Biblical authority, etc.  (I learned that he actually grew up United Methodist -- though I didn't have opportunity to ask how he came to be an American Baptist.)  I was reminded that I am so ill-equipped to argue Biblical support for my universal salvation stance, but it made me want to read the New Testament with an eye to that question (and if anyone wants to suggest useful resources, of course I'd welcome that).  And he said he'd like to make this [us getting together for conversation] a regular thing -- weekly or biweekly or something, asked if I was coming on Sunday and said we could discuss on Sunday when would be a good time to meet again.  I felt like he dominated the conversation a bit much for my taste, but on the whole he really did want to hear what I had to say.

Even though in a lot of ways I was frustrated with our conversation because I felt like I wasn't able to really make the case for the stuff I believe, I felt so energized and happy coming off of it.  When I showed up at CAUMC and Sean asked how I was, I didn't say, "One of the people I love most in the world is in jail," because what I wanted to talk about was how I've been even more all-church-all-the-time recently and how happy that makes me.

At CAUMC tonight we watched NOOMA 09 "Bulhorn."  I wanted to pushback on what I saw as a strawman of Bullhorn Guy and talk about the issue of "What do we believe the Bible teaches us about eternal salvation?" but Sean's opening question was what we thought about the assertion that the central message of Jesus was love and and if that's what draws us to Christianity, and we got talking about how it can be hard to figure out how best to act out of love, specifically in helping in an economic sense, and it wasn't a bad conversation, but after we'd done Affirmations and Closing Prayer I said the conversation I was interested in having in reaction to the video and asked if we would be okay with having that conversation next week, and folks easily assented and Sean and I agreed that I would email him more specifics about the particular direction of conversation I was interested in.

I got home about twenty past ten, replied to an email from Beloved #2 -- and then L. called me.  She was feeling really down, and I feel so helpless, but yeah I know that just listening is important and helpful.  She felt better partway through our conversation (thanks to an email she got) and eventually asked after me, though wow she quickly refocuses things on her (and not in the good ways that like Megan-mjules and I do) and she recognized it after a bit and apologized but I don't know how to handle that, because she is really broken so I'm always hesitant to be critical, but of course it's a bad habit that for long-term positive relationships in general she should be working on.  Sigh.

She couldn't believe that Norfolk County wasn't north of Suffolk County, so I ended up reading about it on Wikipedia.

We were on the phone for two hours, and I'm grateful that I'm only just now feeling fadey (though I'm sure I'll feel the repercussions in the light of day).

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Five good things about today:
1. Amy brought in Dunkin' Donuts, and I had a chocolate frosted one with gooey filling that was quite tasty.
2. feeling so happy after conversation with Ross
3. CAUMC is comfortable and familiar.
4. hearing L. laugh and be happy
5. It being light out so much apparently really does make me happy.

Three things I did well today:
1. I got up with my alarm, ate breakfast at home and brushed+flossed my teeth, and went to the Collapse )
2. I helped dry dishes at CAUMC.
3. I lifted up a topic I wanted to discuss in a way that didn't sound controlling or like I was dismissing the topic that we did discuss.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. ice-skating with L.
2. L.A. Burdick thereafter
professional me, self

Friday the 13th (not bad)

I was running a bit late this morning, so Joy had already started her shift when I got in (usually she only sees me on my way out).  She asked me my locker preference, and I said no preference.  Kevin (who's there when I get in most every morning) said, "Elizabeth likes it anywhere."  If Kevin and I clicked more like that, I would have said something at least like, "Way to make that sound dirty, Kevin," but I didn't.

***

This morning I actually read a Psalm during breakfast instead of just checking email/LJ.  At work, I also read The Daily Office -- something I hadn't done since like Day 2 or 3 of Lent.

From Psalm 119:
The powerful oppress me without cause,
but my heart stands firm in awe of your word.
On one of my rereads, I had the interpretive thought that even when situations are difficult, we are still to act as God Calls us -- we're not supposed to take the easy way out.

Later, I was thinking about how doing all this church stuff has helped keep me happy recently, but that church etc. isn't just about keeping us from despair or whatever, that it's supposed to push us to doing good in the world (which also reminds me of something of the conversations currently happening around RaceFail2009).

I was listening to Pandora while doing data work, and Catie Curtis' "World Don't Owe Me" came on.  The opening is:
The world don't owe me nothing though I always want it to
The world don't owe me happy, the world don't owe me a love like you
The world don't owe me nothing even though I'm on my knees
Not the things I took for granted
Not the things I thought I got for free
I like the song a lot, and I appreciated the reminder that I take things for granted that I shouldn't necessarily (and again with the inarticulate connections to RaceFail2009).

***

The rink at the Charles wasn't open tonight, so we just went and got tea.  Tealuxe and Burdick both had no available seating, so we went to Dado on Church Street, which I hadn't been to before.  L. commented that it's a different atmosphere, which is true, but later I was thinking that it's like Bloc 11 to Diesel or something -- mainly it's the big glass windows that made me think of this.  (I got Chinese Whiteneedles tea or something like that name -- 'cause it reminded me of the tea I was gonna get last time I was at Tealuxe but they were out of it; I wasn't that taken with it, though partly that was that it was too hot.)

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Five good things about today:
1. This morning, on 4 hours of sleep, I was nearly falling asleep reading blog posts about Scripture, but I have pirateygoodness on StalkerPin and this made me happy-ish.
2. Last night's Thing did not end in badness.
2a. Being trusted with a story.
3. I got to talk to la bff for like 2 hours.  I was glad to get to catch her up on various things, and it was also nice to have the expanse of time to talk about things as they came to mind.
4. I really like CallunaV's sample moodlog sheet.
5. I was telling Ari about how CAUMC-Jess is doing the St. Patrick's Day 5k and how I was like, "I could never do that," and Jess turned it around and said that she couldn't get up early and go to the gym like I do; and as I was telling the story I was remembering that I can't think of what the mile/km conversion is, so I Googled it and 1mi ~ 1.6k and math is hard so then I pulled up a conversation calculator and 5k ~ 3.1mi ... which is about what I do on the treadmill three mornings a week.  Now, a treadmill at Shad with 8 different channels on tv is a very different experience than an actual outdoor run, but I still feel kinda badass.

Three things I did well today:
1. I got up with my alarm, did my requisite morning stuff and went to the Collapse )
2. I did the NEG quality control checks for my sections rather than watching hulu.
3. I remembered to pick up milk on my way home, and then I got myself dinner-y food, and then I got in touch with la bff.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. sleeping in!
2. actually having time to wash dishes (there are a lot of things I really should do with my free day tomorrow, but washing dishes is easy and it will be exciting to no longer feel short on things like bowls and spoons)