Do not drag me away with the wicked,
with those who do evil,
who speak cordially with their neighbors
but harbor malice in their hearts.
-verse 3 from Psalm 28
I was really struck by this when I read it this morning -- 'cause I am totally one who "speaks cordially but harbors malice in her heart."
A couple instances at church tonight reminded me that I tend to butt in with a sort of controlling "ur doin it wrong" in a way that really isn't as grace-filled or kind or loving or compassionate or whatever as it could be, and I need to work on that.
I think this is also related to something I've been thinking about the past couple days, about the fact that I need to get better at "letting go" -- I sent a big email a few days ago, and I keep wanting to scream into the silence. Partly it's wanting to say things I didn't think of at the time or to clarify things I said, but mostly it's wanting to reiterate the open issues, to demand a response. Logically I know that there are a number of factors such that I don't expect a response for some time (I'm literally giving myself at least two weeks before I push), but given the long history of silence and feeling like what I say doesn't get responded to (yes, sometimes it does get responded to very seriously, but whenever that does happen I've usually been pushing -- or at least stewing, but recently I've been trying to be better about pushing -- for quite some time)
the frustration kicks in easily. And I know I'm not doing anyone any good and I need to let it be out of my hands -- because it is out of my hands, and wrestling with the air isn't doing anyone any good.
***"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Five good things about today:
1. Lunch with Sarah.
2. I had a pleasant conversation with Rich at the end of the day, which was unexpected.
3. At Soup Supper, MichaelS. asked me if I was the one who had sent the thing about Job
to the listserv, and I said yeah. He said it was really good, and we ended up having a nice conversation about various things.
4. Readings for tonight's "Making the Faith Our Own" included an excerpt from Rowan Williams' "The Body's Grace" (which I read in its entirety for the first time last week).
5. Something about the way the room was set up for Rest and Bread made it feel much more open than it had last week, even though I set up the same number of chairs.
Three things I did well today:
1. I did all of my requisite morning stuff and went to the ( gymCollapse )
2. I took care of one thing I'd been putting off at work.
3. I made additional copies of the Rest and Bread bulletins and figured out a way to get one of the candles to stay lit.
Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. "Sacred Eros"
2. having some time to read on the T