I like this being-a-grownup thing.
Jess [CAUMC] and I got crepes tonight, and I was telling her about the last couple of hours at work, and she commented that it's good to have stuff to boost your self-esteem sometimes, and it was funny that I hadn't even thought of it that way -- I was just feeling so "Yes, this is how it goes," about having a project that was initially more difficult than I'd anticipated but which I got the hang of and even ended up doing some for someone else. I wasn't even feeling rockstar or anything (okay, I was a tiny bit while I was actually at work, but).
In conversation later, I ended up mentioning high school reunion and how I skipped my five-year but am looking forward to my ten-year (which is two years -- I'm not breathless with anticipation or anything, but I think I will be glad to go), and in talking I realized that I wasn't having my reaction of defending how much I like my life as it is even though it doesn't necessarily sound awesome on paper. Yes, I'll probably be consciously "spinning" it when I'm actually asked to update folks on my life, but it was nice to not have that knee-jerk reaction of thinking about how other people are going to hear it, to just totally be
in the experience of being happy about my life.
I've been really happy with my life for years now, but it's nice to have this default positivity where I'm not even thinking about how other people would hear the narrative -- because what's important is how _I_ feel about _my_ narrative -- and also to feel good about and be affirmed re: my job, on a day when I don't even feel particularly rockstar ('cause that positivity is slightly different, I feel -- though yes totally awesome), especially given my recent weeks of feeling depressive and avoidant.
Sleep now. Sleep is great.