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burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness
 
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Friday, June 12th, 2009

Time Event
11:44p
[Friday]
My epiphany today is that it makes me cranky that (when) I'm not a priority for (certain) people.

I felt much better at the service at the Hav and the potluck afterward.  Shocking, I know, that being around people makes me feel better than sitting home alone thinking about how much I miss certain people.  But sometimes I can't stand doing the work of socializing when I'm upset (I remember literally skipping CHPC Coffee Hour once this year), so it was still good that the experience was positive (and felt easy).

***

I watched the end of a movie on USA at the gym this morning in between CNBC, and when I looked it up: Blue Crush.  My immediate thought was, "Hey, I've heard of that movie."

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]


"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.  You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott

Good things about today:
  • I have a shiny new washing machine!  One that is not held together by glue.  The guys showed up about 12:20 and were gone in less than a half an hour.  I learned that the basement door to the outside is at the other end of the basement from the stairs into the house, so they didn't have to go through the landlady's part of the basement at all.  And they adjusted the bottom of it so it sits flat (the guy had a a level and everything!) so now it doesn't need to have magazines shoved under one corner to keep it from being noisy.  And I think it holds a bigger load than our old one.
  • I signed in to Y!M and had a "Awww, sorry I missed you." message from mjules from Wednesday night.
  • I did get a bit of a nap (~an hour and a half).
  • Havurat Shalom service and potluck afterward.
  • Roza emailed me about the Dyke March tonight and asked about watching the Pride Parade together.
  • L. called me on her way home from Firefly.  (I hadn't heard from her since an email in the wee hours of the morning yesterday, which was worrying me a titch).
Things I did well today:
  • I only snoozed my alarm once and I ate breakfast at home and brushed my teeth and went to the gymCollapse )
  • I swept the floors.  Not spotless, but improved.
  • I forwarded Jeff's facebook message about a place/time change for tonight's Firefly to L. (and cc'ed him -- he replied, "You beat me to the punch!!! Thanks for looking out.")
  • I washed dishes (I'm barely home, but cereal for breakfast plus owning only four spoons...).
  • I did two loads of laundry (one clothes, one sheets).
  • I made arrangements for the workman who left his phone here to get it back.  (Bonus: I emailed my parents my housemate's phone number because they're my ICE contacts but if anyone found my phone and wanted to get it back to me, they wouldn't necessarily know how to reach me.  Well, of course there's email, but it's probably still good for them to have that info.)
Things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
  • Boston Interfaith Pride (with Allie!)
  • watching Pride Parade with Allie and Roza
  • visiting the CWM table after the Parade
  • offbalance & j_bkl
11:55p
[Pride] Somerville Interfaith Service [2009-06-12]
Somerville Interfaith Pride Celebration Service was at Havurat Shalom this year.  (Which, btw, just as it looks like a house from the outside -- I directed someone who was trying to get in to the big building next door -- so also the inside.  It really is like being in someone's living room.  But it also felt consciously like a worship space, not like we were just making do in the only available space.)

Friday night service is welcoming the Sabbath.  I went to Hillel House Friday night dinner at Smith once (I totally should have gone more often -- apparently sometimes I am really cowardly about going unfamiliar places alone), but I've never been at a full service of welcoming the Sabbath.  I was struck by the emphasis on time and also on the physicality of ritual -- they literally open the door to welcome the Sabbath.

I was reading the program before service, and some of the Hebrew transliteration was familiar from having gone to Saturday mornings at Temple Shalom Medford -- Baruch Ata Y-H, Eloheinu M'kor Ha-chayyim, sh'asani b'tzelmo.

The Lecha Dodi/Lecha Dodati, after a few rounds I could sing along to the chorus (the transliteration was printed in our bulletin -- Lecha dodi likrat kallah, peney Shabbat nekabelah).

I have mixed feelings about English translations being printed along with the Hebrew.  I like actually knowing the content of what's being said, but when I'm reading the English I'm not hearing the Hebrew at all (if I'm reading a transliteration, I'm sort of focusing with the congregation even though I'm not actually thinking the same things they are).  It made me want (again) to learn Hebrew.

During the silent prayer (Amidah), I was standing and breathing and with each breath my shoulders felt more relaxed, and I thought of how Carolyn [the woman from the Hav who was leading service] had said that usually they'll open with a reading of 6 Psalms and with each Psalm you let go of one of the days of the week, and so I intentionally breathed in and out six times trying to do that conscious exercise.

Earlier, just sitting in prayer, it was so much easier to "sink into prayer" as Laura Ruth would say than I usually find it.  I don't know if it's something about the chairs, or something about the atmosphere of the place or the people or what.

[edit] Before the Mourner's Kaddish, Carolyn invited us all to say it, in remembrance of the LGBT persons who have died especially those who may not have left any children to say Kaddish for them, so I stumbled my way through the transliteration. [/edit]

The Closing Song was "Everything Possible" by Fred Small.

And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done.
[...]
If you give your friends the best part of yourself
They will give the same back to you.


Laura Ruth was doing ASL during parts of this and it reminded me of seeing her do ASL for "Gather Us In," the Opening Hymn at the CWM-hosted Somerville Interfaith Pride Service last year (which wasn't quite my first memory of her, as I had gone to Rest and Bread the previous week, but it's close).  It makes me want to do ASL during the Communion liturgy at Rest and Bread (because that part is exactly the same words every week, so I could actually learn it without having to worry about having to improvise with vocabulary/grammar knowledge I don't have).

***

During the potluck (which, btw, so yummy -- delicious challah, plus quiche and green beans with almonds and so on), Craig from the Hav talked about having been on the Somerville Interfaith Coalition back in the '90s and the minister from SCBC then (Ralph) seemed like the kind of guy who would be interested in being a part of this (Pride service) and would have gotten his congregation into it.  This surprised me, since the pastor who had been there before Vic started (and Vic just started last year) had basically pulled out of the interfaith clergy group because he didn't want his church working with these pro-gay churches.

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