So, I went to B'nai Or this morning
The first aliyah, people were invited up who had something in process, something germinating. It felt right enough, so I went up. Mimi (who drums and looks a lot like Laura Ruth and had gone out of her way to be welcoming to me before service) stood next to me and said that traditionally one wears a tallit*, so she would share hers with me, and indeed she put hers over my shoulders like sharing a shawl. I've been to Shabbat morning services at Temple Shalom Medford, but I don't remember there being a section for Blessing Those Called to the Torah (or for people being called up to the Torah, period). Possibly it's a Renewal thing? I dunno. Anyway, in the close of his blessing, Reb Lev said even if the thing you are "baking" doesn't come out quite the way you had wanted, may you receive it with love.*At one point during the service I was struck by the visual similarity between tallit and stoles. Note to self to investigate at some point.
In the call to Kaddish, when Reb Lev asked if anyone was in the 11 months, the first person who spoke up was a woman who said, "For two cousins who have no one to say Kaddish for them." My heart clenched in my throat. As the rabbi wrapped up the call to Kaddish, he said something about all those who have no one to say Kaddish for them, and I just started crying.
In her d'var Torah, Velveteen Rabbi
commented that "korban," sacrifice/offering, at its linguistic root means a drawing near.
I complained to Ari tonight that I always have to be the mature responsible grownup, that I don't get to be broken and flawed and imperfect and broken. She commented that we are beginning the season of Lent and thus a really appropriate time to be reflecting on the fact that we are all human, flawed, imperfect, broken.
My already-chosen daily Lenten practice is 5 minutes of meditation each day, but in talking with Ari tonight I was thinking that maybe I will also cultivate a Lenten practice of being really forthright with people about how I am feeling and what I need/want from them. I am only partially joking about this intention.