After Tuesday it got too hot to do much work in my room until Saturday. Friday afternoon i was thinking about how my mother loves me very much even though some stuff about me frustrates her. I need to be reminded sometimes that one can love someone without loving everything about them. Working on my shit on Saturday i was thinking that i definitely understood how my mother could be frustrated by this, heck i’m me and *i* was frustrated by all this. I reiterate my desire to be able to just start over. I’m far too attached to my projects and all to do that, but perhaps i can delude myself into thinking i can get some shit done this year.
I did manage to be fairly ruthless going through clothes (“Regardless of how much you like the shirt, if you never wear it, it’s foolish to keep it.”) and it was nice to get rid of nick-knacks i no longer want. I also found some more money and some CDs while cleaning out. My dream is to have everything i want, nothing i don’t want, and to know where it all is. Bizarre to be going through clothes and think, “My brother might want this.” Also, i no longer have a bathing suit that fits me, but i found some old shorts and if i ever want to go swimming, one of those pairs is a nice flowy rayon pair, so i could totally go swimming in that and a t-shirt. Score! I want to purchase a pair of nice black pants. I have so many blue shirts that it would be really nice to be able to wear them with something other than blue jeans. (I did rediscover my plethora of white shirts, so that was nice. And wow i had forgotten i had so many cardigans.) Plus, nice black pants mean one can dress fancy without having to wear a skirt.
Bloody hell, how do i have so much stuff? I finished the cleaning/packing and have 8 copy paper boxes, many bags of clothes and some miscellany. (And there will be my desktop computer and its peripherals.) Textbooks, notebooks, projects, CDS, miscellany... somehow it all adds up. G*damn. I remind myself of how much clothing and videos and such lots of people bring and tell myself i’m really not that bad, but i’m not sure i believe myself. When i finished it looked like i had more stuff than i had brought in previous years even though that can’t be true. I really want to get books sold, zines passed along, etc., because it is ridiculous for stuff i am making no use out of to take up space in my life (i am, however, a cheap ho, so i have yet to mass donate my books to Oxfam or some similar organization rather than letting them fester on half.com; hmm, maybe i’ll post a list and see if anyone on here wants any of them). Yay? for clearing out stuff. I have nowhere to put anything in my room (in my parents’ house) except in more boxes (unless i want it sitting out, gathering dust). Mrr. I want my own place of permanent residence.
I called Mrs. DiMaria Tuesday afternoon and she asked how my trip was, which was sweet since i didn’t know she even knew i’d been away. She then offered to bring over the GLSEN material, which was also nice of her, particularly since it had started getting warmer. Aw, Joe spelled my name correctly on the sticky note on the pile of material.
Ginny came over Wednesday morning. I realized that around a lot of people i’m uncomfortable saying stuff like, “Yeah, next summer i want to intern at SpeakOutBoston, a gay rights organization which looks really great” or even “That’s a picture of my roommate and her girlfriend.” For all my talk about being (the importance of being) openly queer, i actually have a lot of difficulty being even openly queer-friendly when i’m not sure it’s a supportive environment. This really bothers me.
Damn Joe’s RA training. I really want to get letters sent off to people before Norwood schools start up again, but we have to figure a lot of shit out and he has like 13-hour days.
Ruthie took me out to lunch on Wednesday. I was in the mood for something simple like the hot vegetable wrap with a lemonade that i used to get at Joe and Maria’s. (Oh, the summer of Puddingstone.) We went to the fancy upstairs and i learned that there are almost no vegetarian options. I got a mozzarella eggplant pasta thing which wasn’t bad. I think i am almost always in the mood for simple food. We walked into the room and i happened to see some alcohol and realized that for the next year i can’t order alcohol. Not that i’m all that fond of alcohol or that i ordered it that frequently back in England, it just felt a bit odd knowing that for a year it’s back to being off-limits for me.
Speaking of alcohol, Thursday morning i heard about a horrible drunk driving accident ("the worst of three car accidents in Boston's suburbs within a few hours that killed three teens and seriously injured four others"). God, do people ever learn? You don’t drive when you’ve been drinking. You don’t get in a car with a driver who’s been drinking. I knew lots of people in high school who drank, but they always had a designated driver. They were being responsible, even when they were going out and getting drunk, and it made it hard for me to say, “Gee they really shouldn’t be going out and doing that.” Drug education in health classes is always so nice and cut and dried, but real life is (as in all areas) full of complications. I always do hang around unusual people, though.
Also, this is less obvious, but never drive with open containers of alcohol in your vehicle, especially if you have underage passengers. This has been burned into my brain since Greg senior year. Joe, i meant to tell you ages back, so remind me sometime to tell you the story.
At work Wednesday night a patron was looking for her Minuteman card and she had a Forbes card and i said “I have one of those.” Forbes is the Northampton public library. Turns out she’s from that area but is working in Boston now.
On Monday i wore my Celebration of Sisterhood t-shirt and i explained it to one patron (the triangle is what throws people). Later that night a different patron said, “I have that shirt. Only in red.” Smith ‘99. Whee. Also, wow, a Smith graduate living in Norwood.
Veronica (Doug’s wife) came in on Wednesday. I had to cross-reference her address after she checked out a video to figure out who she was, because even though there are very few women who greet me in Spanish i haven’t seen her in ages and thus didn’t recognize her. My Spanish was really bad. I remember the basic grammar, but i have little vocabulary. Lots of love to how much 6 years of Spanish has stuck with me. I’m taking a 300-level Spanish lit class this fall. Took a 200-level one fall of my first year (two years ago) and that conversation with Veronica was the most work i’ve done with my Spanish since then.
"more and more I've come to consider you an 'anchor' of sorts where these issues [Christianity, and reconciling it with queerness] are concerned"
-someone from whom this means a lot to me
I’m with nevers on the design your own hell meme when she writes: "dante worked so hard to think of punishments that were appropriate to the crime, and this meme ignores that intricacy altogether. ok, </italian-major>" It also annoys me that you are given a list of sinners and have to exert an effort to make it more of one's own hell, plus i'm just not big with the whole idea of hell in general (theologically i can't get behind it, and in regular life i'd rather not dwell on being negative).
Seeing other people’s LJ sitcom meme results, i’m Sean Astin. I therefore refuse to participate in said meme.
My Sophian editorial column will be sociopolitical commentary. I am trying to figure out how to do a “low-key” introductory back-to-school column. The issue of a column title is also stewing in the back of my brain and i will probably post a poll soon. (Suggestions still welcome. isis_grey has been helping come up with Ani lyrics, but Meredith thinks i should come up with something original.)
Smith is talking about charging for printouts, so i’m thinking of getting a new printer, because mine goes through ink like there’s no tomorrow (do not purchase a Lexmark).
Yes we love the fact that it took my brother looking at my disposable camera to point out where the Flash Ready button was. (It’s just this bump with a lightning bolt on it, and nearby it says Flash Ready, so i thought it was just advertising that it had Flash Ready and foolishly didn’t bother really reading the instructions on the back of the camera.) I would have saved myself some crummy pictures if i had known that before, but it’s not a big deal. I’m annoyed at the space all this Oxford paraphernalia is taking up in my packing, but hopefully that will motivate me to label all the pictures, do the “Highlights Of” photo album, scan lots of pictures, do the scrapbook, and purchase a domain and do the PDF “less scrap more book” version of the trip.
I know the heat/humidity makes me sleepy. It certainly makes me unmotivated to exert myself. I think it makes me short-tempered as well. (People talk about lots of baby-making when the power goes out, but i have never understood how any babies got born in March-July in the Northern Hemisphere because you don’t even want to touch another person in this weather. As i’ve grown i’ve learned that this weather also squashes my libido. /tmi) I reiterate: I will take the worst winter has to offer over a bad summer.
I want to learn how to text message people’s cell phones.
I picked up more Mandy/Karen slang than British accent while in Oxford. This amuses me. I wanted to acquire a British accent, but it's all in the company you keepy, and i really wasn't around Brits enough to pick up an accent.
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In comingout, If you could take a pill that would cause you to be exclusively heterosexual in thoughts and feelings (aka "The Straight Pill"), would you?
Someone posted on the zinesters list starting up a list for zinesters of color. I should have known it was inevitable that someone would reply asking “How is this different/better than a White Zinesters List which would obviously be torn apart.” I feel like i’ve been through this already, what with years on the list and stuff at Smith and everything. offbalance, do you read the list anymore? Oh and look, sexual assault and richmackin, again.
It’s all about lurking in fandom. Sometimes i read BNF journals or anniesj (a BNF i just happen to have on my friendslist) mentions something, but mostly i don’t even hear about the kerfuffles. Which is fine by me. I’ll read intelligent stuff on mutant_allies and discuss with my peoples and that’s all i want. Well i want good fic reccs, too, but i’m willing to search for those. I get quite enough drama what with Smith and zinesters and all, and that’s at least (mostly) about stuff that matters (Smith: race, class, sexuality, transgender, etc.; zinesters: various -isms, hurtful language, ethics of cheating the system, etc.).
I read Monster by Walter Dean Myers. Jane had mentioned some group reading it, but she was underwhelmed by it. I was, too, at first, but then it gets into interesting ideas of just what guilt is when one factors in accomplices and “attempted” and so on.
Crime dramas are so popular, and my impression (though i don’t watch them much) is that often the person who looks guilty (usually to the people in the show but sometimes even to the viewers as well) isn’t actually. And yet it doesn’t seem that this has made any great impact on the simplistic way most people look at real-life crime stories. (Watch Elizabeth make gross generalizations with impunity.)
I read Christopher Pike’s Spellbound because i came across in someone’s LJ a remark about having just read that book and thinking, “Now I know what happened with Gunn and the panther.” The book wasn’t Pike’s best, though it had some great elements, but as per that remark, i don’t know if that’s what the writers are going to do, but if they do, i’ll be very pleased.
Caroline left a bunch of books in our room. I read be nice (crappy book) on the plane and later, Lucky (by the author of The Lovely Bones and highly recommended by Alice). The Lovely Bones and Atonement were both out at Norwood. Must track them down (along with other books i wanted to read) when i get back to Northampton.
I’ve been underwhelmed by most stuff i’ve read recently, including Memoirs of a Geisha. It wasn’t a particularly bad book, but i don’t understand why it got so popular.
My father recommended “The Undiscovered” by William Sanders (in The Best Alternate Short Stories of the 20th Century), and that i was impressed with.
The New York Times has had stuff recently about organ donation. I definitely people think have their organs donated when they die. I also think people should donate blood.
the rise in obesity, diabetes and longevity has meant that many more people need new organs, particularly kidneys, which account for most transplants.That makes me sad.
One policy favored by some experts here, and already being used in Austria and Belgium, is presumed consent, which assumes a person would donate unless they have explicitly stated otherwise.Hmm.
Dr. Caplan is starting a study to determine whether the way a family is asked about donation affects their response. One of his hunches, he said, is that coordinators will get more positive responses when they ask, "Is there any reason you would not want to donate?" rather than, "Have you ever considered donation?"
Checked in the September 2003 WWE magazine Wednesday night. I liked Lita better before she started getting glammed up. She’s still hot shit, though.
"Take a look at these tits. What are these, watermelons? This is a stage, babe, it's not a patch. See ya!"
-Tony, sizing up a dancer in Showgirls
images of U.S. at night from space, including the blackout
My father showed me an article in the 1 August 2003 issue of Science which argues that there should be a 24/7 science cable channel, like C-SPAN. I don’t understand why people think 24/7 theme channels are a good idea. The Weather Channel annoys me because you wait forever for it to get to your area. The author of the Science piece likened this theoretical 24/7 science channel to water from a tap, but my father pointed out that when he turns on the tap he always gets water whereas if he turned on the science channel he would be unlikely to happen upon the information he was looking for at that moment. There’s this thing called a library, he wrote in his response. Also, the Internet. The frustrating thing is that it sounds like a good idea, until someone like my father points out the flaws.
This is an interesting (and convincing) argument against the federal do-not-call list. (And on top of that, who knew the list has exemptions? I sure didn’t. Reading the list makes one wonder which organizations are on the list.)
Friday afternoon i visited the library for the last time before heading back to Smith. Circulation was busy and Terry was with Hank, so i hung out with Beth in her office. Usually i’m hanging out with Jane kneading her shoulders and she jokes that i’ll bruise her, but Beth had a low collared shirt so i just rubbed her upper back with my fingertips/knuckles. She said it felt like “heaven” and said i should become a masseuse. I really should learn how to do massage for real -- in my copious free time, right? ;)
Queer activist and massage therapist. That’s a life i would be a big fan of. Not that careers actually relating to my major (high school English teacher, reference librarian or -- in a library that’s cool enough to have one -- YA librarian, copyeditor) are totally out of the question, of course.
Ed (Mary K’s husband) said something to me about how i would probably become a doctor or a lawyer. I laughed and said that Beth thought i should become a masseuse. Then he said something about how i could become an exotic dancer. I just laughed. I told Terry later and he was all surprised. I teased him that he would have said the same thing. “Not in public.” And i did have to concede that point.
Oh, and Beth insisted that they’re gonna visit me this year, that she will at least. Yayness.
E-mailed Ann. Do i have a job to go back to?
The Needham thingie was nice. We got there 15 minutes earlier because we were expecting rush hour traffic and there wasn’t any. Meredith showed up right after me, though, so that was good.
There are definitely some cool ‘07s on LJ. A “fat can be beautiful” focus in Bodywise? Even more for me to be excited about. This year is gonna rock so much.
"It's your fire, it's your soul, you shouldn't have to go."
-Dar Williams, "Your Fire Your Soul"
And then I dreamed that my soulmate
Was a motel clerk in Jersey
Who had not met me
So why am I in this
Hotel in Memphis
When I just want to kiss
-Catie Curtis, "Memphis"