I feel like i don't deserve this break, like i don't do any (school)work. I don't regret my decision to not do the Hughes paper, but i wish i could have been focused enough to have written it (especially since kq said in class many of the things i thought). This semester has been shit because i don't have the time to put enough time/energy/focus into anything. Plus, i'm horribly procrastinatory and unfocused. I am delusional and say next semester will be better, knowing full well that the problem of not having time to do research for anything not for class or even just to update about my life will be just as much a problem as last year.
I know i'm smart. A lot of times i think i'm fucking brilliant and that i think about things way more than other people. But so many times i feel like i suck at the academic thing, whether because i'm inherently bad at it or because i just don't want to focus my time/energy on it.
"I just want to be brilliant on my own terms." -me