I read Traveling Mercies (Anne Lamott) today. I wasn’t blown away by it, though i liked it. There were some bits, though, that touched me, mostly in the first half of the book. They made me want to go out and do noble things and give of myself to everyone; they made me wish i had a church; they made me wish i had that deep and abiding faith. Most of all, though, there was this bit that made me really care about Joe again. I’ve been feeling an inability to really care deeply and viscerally for anyone (which i mostly blame on emotional overload this past year), and this made me want to go up and visit and hold him and tell him i love him and feed him Dave Matthews Band ice cream (I learned recently that Ben & Jerry’s does indeed have a DMB flavor--One Sweet Whirled--which actually looks quite yummy: Caramel & coffee ice creams with marshmallow & caramel swirls & coffee flavored fudge chips.) and cause great joy and just be with him.
[It occurs to me that the opening song to OMWF is appropriate here. I’ve been just “going through the motions,” doing what i should do, saying what i should say, but my heart hasn’t really been in it, and i would really like it to be.]
It is such a good feeling to care again. I have been so apathetic and not caring about anything for the past i’m not sure how long. The days of forced do-nothing-ness here have been building in me a strong desire and motivation to do stuff when i get home--to make lots of mix CDs, to do zine stuff again, and so on. It’s the caring about people that’s really important, though. I can push myself to do work, but i’m more than the sum of my achievements, and i think what i need is to connect with people again.
The heart that
breaks open can