Elizabeth Scripturient (the delinquent, ecumenical (hermionesviolin) wrote,
Elizabeth Scripturient (the delinquent, ecumenical

  • Music:

"There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far."

I think today was the first day I'd stepped out of the house since Wednesday.  Youch.  I went to the library to pick some books up.

Shelby was working Children's, so I went over to say hi because she's lovely.  We chatted about the usual stuff and she asked how United was doing.  "That's an interesting question," I said.  She was asking about the "spirit" of the church rather than the finances (which was how I first answered the question) and mentioned the Taegers -- who are one of the many who left United ~6 years ago, and who now go to the Baptist and I didn't realize knew the Warners.  I said most of the people who were upset by what happened had left, so it was pretty much happily chugging along as its own new entity now, but it's really not my church, in so many ways, a number of which I talked about.

We also talked about jobness and of course there was the question of what I would ideally wanna be doing, and she asked if I write, and I talked about how I'm good at discussing things with people and how I would love to get to do things on my own terms, to talk about fairytales and tv and movies and connections and just be trusted to be smart and not have to prove myself to an admissions or hiring committee, and how I'm not good at having an idea of my own which I can sustain throughout the course of a paper.  I hadn't ever quite articulated that portion of it (the fact that it's hard to sell a board on my flavor of cultural studies has of course become old hat) and now that I'm typing it up I think, "Being a college professor, if you're a humanities prof at a liberal arts college, leading discussion is what you do, though there still is that hateful requirement that you publish regularly."

She said she was glad I come in and check in, that it's nice to hear from me, and she sounded sincere.  I have come to not trust my readings of such, but it was a positive conversation regardless.

I also chatted with Michele for a while, about gifting among other things.  I feel like I'm treated more like an adult than like a kid, which is nice.

Me: So, I'm debating whether or not I should watch tonight's CSI rerun, 'cause I know I've seen this episode before.
Mom: Why would you be watching the episode again if you know you've already seen it?  For the order?  In case there was subtle character development you missed the first time around?  The CSI characters are too adorable not to watch?
Me (shamefacedly): Okay, I wouldn't call the CSI characters "adorable," but up until then, you were exactly right.

Cat called shortly after the show started, so I watched about 20 minutes with the mute on, which was enough to remind me more fully what the episode was about and also to remind me that it's a rather depressing episode I really don't need to watch again.

My mother says she doesn't consider information from me really official until it's been "enshrined" in (my) LJ.  " 'I'm converting to Buddhism and moving to Tibet.'  I'll send a condolence letter to the Dalai Lama.  'I know you're probably the most grounded person on the planet, but this girl's gonna be a test.' "

P.S. Neil Gaiman is love.

And this is not about Neil Gaiman, but confession time before Advent (time to prepare one's heart for the coming of God Incarnate).  I think I understand that "Thou shalt not covet" commandment better now.  It's about being content with what you have, but it's also about not begrudging others what they have.  I find myself sort of seething negative energy when I read really amazing fic sometimes.  I also totally rock the inferiority/superiority complex thing, and I begin to think the two are related -- that it's not just jealousy in the sense of "I wish I had that ability" but also "You do not deserve to have that ability."  Which is somewhat troubling.  I would be a happier person if I didn't hate people so frequently.
Tags: being an adult, family: my mom loves me, future plans, neil gaiman

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