Elizabeth Scripturient (the delinquent, ecumenical (hermionesviolin) wrote,
Elizabeth Scripturient (the delinquent, ecumenical

on male versus female friends

I've been mostly nonengaging with the topics de jour, but someone posted this and I found it interesting because the ways of thinking about guys it describes are so much the reverse from mine.

The first bold item is "You are as sexist as any Modern Neanderthal Man." and I honestly believed the explanatory paragraph was going to be "You hold men to a lower standard, so you let them get away with shit you wouldn't tolerate from a woman," because I definitely feel like that's how I am around Terry and Eric sometimes (intensified by the fact that I'm confrontation-avoidy).  But the whole article is about a mindset completely reversed from that.

This paragraph rang somewhat true:
"You also probably haven't figured out why some of your guy friends keep dating annoying bimbos, the kind of women who are exactly the sort of high-maintenance, jealous twits who certainly aren't going to be friends of yours in a million years. Did it ever make you think twice about these guys that they can't see women like you as date material? Might you, possibly, consider that these guys are not merely well-meaning fellows turned to mental mush at the sight of cleavage--that very possibly, they don't find intellectual, challenging, nontraditional women such as yourself attractive? Wonder why that might be."
For me it felt more broadly applicable, about desiring people who clearly aren't interested in the type of person you are, and with "desire" used in a broad sense including "want to be friends with."

This article also reminded me how little interaction I have with males.  Most of the HBS profs are male, but I interact with the FAs and RAs (who are overwhelmingly female) far more.  When I visit the library, the only males who work there are the custodial staff.  I have a few male friends from high school, and a few from LJ.  I went to a women's college and didn't acquire any trans or 5-College friends during my time there.

I'm also aware of how much my sexual orientation influences where I fit with this whole issue because there's this whole idea of prizing male praise above all else which seems to me to go hand-in-hand with desire for male approval on the level of seeking a sexual/romantic relationship (which certainly makes sense, and I'm sure I have or will be guilty of that) but I'm equal-opportunity with wanting people to like me, including the context of desiring a sexual/romantic relationship.

The suspicious-of-women segment felt wholly foreign to me.  I mean, I'm used to "Oh, is she being nice to me just to be polite or is she actually interested in a relationship?" [term used to include "friendship"]  But that's because I've been so burnt by the "Oh we should totally hang out" with the unspoken "I don't mean that at all, but it's just what one says."
Tags: got gender?

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