Barney: "These chicks are desperate and hot. That's a perfect cocktail: shake well and then sleep with." (I especially like the pausing, as if the "with" is an adjective or something.)
Ted: "I'm not going to a matchmaker, that's like giving up. It's the man-version of getting a cat."
"The only way it's a cockroach is if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it had just killed."
Love that reaction shot.
"It's bigger now; it's been feeding."
Barney: "Did the horizontal, ten-legged, interspecies cha-cha?"
Lily: "Don't Ted-out about it."
Ted: "Did you just use my name as a verb?"
Barney: "Oh, yeah, we do that when you're not around. 'Ted-out': to overthink. See also 'Ted-up.' 'Ted-up': to overthink with disastrous consequences. For example, 'Billy Tedded-up when he-' "
I have difficulty getting upset that there's not an adequate match out of the self-select pool who use her service. Also, way to go handwavy math to get from 250640 (the 482thousand minus 48% already in relationships) to 8.
Ellen: "Don't give up hope, Ted. There are new women turning 18 every day."
Ted: "She's a dermatologist, I have skin."
Barney: "You want to be her boyfriend, she already has a boyfriend -- it's uncanny!"
Ted to dermatologist: "This may sound weird, but it'll sound weirder once I've taken off my shirt."
dermatologist: "I'm actually getting married on Saturday."
Ted: (takes this in) "Friday night?"
Yeah, I totally called that that phone call would be to say that his mole is cancerous.
However, I did not call Ellen being so mad depressed about her failure. (Hi, who gives any credence to random people on the street.)
Ted: "If a cockroach and a mouse can find love in this crazy city, so can I."