Michelle said something like "Try anything once; if you don't like it you can always stop any time." Trelawney asked where it was from, whereas I just automatically went to a naughty place. Michelle admitted that it was from one of her favorite movies but that it's also something every (straight) teenage boy has said to a girl at least once in his life.
There were anise cookies and we discussed anise vs. licorice, which led to a discussion of Jelly Bellys, and Michelle mentioned buttered popcorn as an example of not okay, and I called them an "abomination" and then realized perhaps I shouldn't have said that, but some people said it was very appropriate, which pleased me.
We read a "How to have meaningful time with God" bit from Rick Warren (most famously of The Purpose-Driven Life), discussed it a bit, and then had some quiet meditation time (complete with lights off and a center candle). Afterward, Trelawney asked if people wanted to share, and Michelle shared about some tough stuff she's been going through that I for one didn't know about, and Meredith shared her fear about an upcoming medication change (was actually in tears; Megan and Trelawney went over and hugged her, and Megan rubbed her back and Trelawney held her hand) and I really appreciated that Andrew and Catherine (who came the night we did Esther -- I think I need to do an umbrella tag for the CAUMC small group meetings so I can easily/quickly browse back through them) chose not to share 'cause I was feeling bad that I hadn't shared (like I was being a bad group member purposely holding back). I had considered mentioning dwelling on stuff as a "Things that have spiritually drained you this week" when we went around, like I considered saying that I was feeling neurotic about something when Trelawney greeted me at the beginning and asked how I was. Partly I didn't want to get into the complications of it all, and partly.... When I affirmed Meredith's willingness to be open and vulnerable, I said that I tend to do the stubborn Yankee "I can do it myself" thing, and as I said it I thought of how Trelawney (and others) have affirmed my ability to be open about stuff so much, and really I'm a big sharey person, and at least on LiveJournal I'll talk a lot about personal angst, but stuff that I'm having difficulty with... yeah, not so much.
Meredith and Eric both affirmed my boots. Catherine affirmed bubbly personality for both Michelle and I and also affirmed my earrings (I heart these earrings).
Andrew affirmed my geekiness, citing specifically the way I dig into things -- how I look at tv shows as if they could have meaning, at books as if they do have meaning. I realized this must have related to the conversation I had with Caroline on our way back from apple-picking about how we watch tv shows. (Yes I did mention watching with a notebook.) Michelle said I was never allowed to go post-modernist :)
Megan affirmed the conversation we had over dishes at the end of group last week. I always forget that we can use anything from. We hugged afterward and she commented that I was a good hugger, that she'd have to remember that. I actually felt like I hadn't hugged her as intensely as I do, say, Michelle. (I tend to try to gauge people.)
Michelle affirmed that I was always right there in the gutter with her -- and I think said some other stuff, too, but that was what stuck out. And afterward she told me, "I figured it would be inappropriate to say that you have great boobs." ::loves her like mad::
So many of the affirmations I gave were poorly articulated or backhanded, but no one seemed to take them amiss. I was also realizing as the night drew to a close that we had all laughed so much, which was really nice. In my self-affirmation I said I was doing really well but that what I wanted to affirm was just showing up tonight, because I'd been feeling neurotic about something personal -- no crisis, I was sure to state -- and I was feeling a lot calmer about it, that I'd really needed to spend time thinking about something else. (Afterward, Meredith asked if I was okay, which I really appreciated.)
Leaving the building, Eric asked if I had a ride and I said I was gonna walk. "You have a walk," he said sagely.
***
I checked my tape when I got in, and it appears that CSI did in fact tape, so that's next on my agenda.
