Tags: comedy: standup

professional me, self

mmm, sleep

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I was hungry at like 10:30am today.  And International was American Heartland (Ian's 3rd favorite day -- 'cause it has meatloaf -- after Southern/Barbecue and St. Patrick's Day) so I got mac&cheese -- and was good and also got mozz&tomato and mushroom&carrot salad.  I was still kinda hungry afterward, but wasn't sure what I wanted.  This is annoying after my recent trend of not being hungry enough to finish my lunch.  So on my way to class I stopped at BK for large fries and a large chocolate shake.  (Their veggie burger is not worth $2.59, and I figured this would be enough to tide me over.)  I told Lindsay I thought I was gonna give myself a sugar headache with my drink, and she said I'd be all hyper.  A half hour into class I literally couldn't keep my eyes open.  What up?  I was better after the mid-class break, though.
    Workbook sections covered in tonight's class included: "Why People Move: economic depression, natural disasters, persecution, war, civil disobedience, education."

I signed on to AIM after I got home, and people actually IMed me.  What up?  [And I totally did that thing where I responded to one person in the other person's chat window.  *facepalm*]

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

"You may weep and mourn, but your pain will turn to joy...and no one will take that joy from you."
-John 16:20ff

Five good things about today:
1. The weather was brilliant.  Mid-40s and sunny ftw.
2. I can has DVDs!  Media Services called me at like 11:30.  I literally jogged all the way over I was so stoked about the weather.  I distributed them to all the NEG faculty -- hand-delivering when possible, otherwise leaving them in mailboxes and explaining to the FA's.
3. We watched Brian Regan clips on YouTube over lunch.  He's not that original...it's a lot of what's called "observational humor" (thanks Wikipedia)... but his delivery's solid.  (Also, I suspect we're all a bit punchy.)
4. mosca said: "one of my grad school friends forgot what a Venn Diagram was, and I made him this so he would never forget again: ( Some NSFW large text )"
5. I'm actually getting to bed before midnight.

Three things I did well today:
1. I followed up on a bunch of things.
2. I did a project for Katie (for Prof.N.) which ended up taking longer than it should have (weren't the Exchange people talking up this secure server thing for when you sent files that were too big?  I just got a Send/Receive error message that the file I was trying to send was too big; isn't it supposed to prompt me with a URL or something? I did not have time to go look that up, so I worked around it) but I saw it through to the end.
3. I washed dishes.  (Seriously people, your dishes do not have to be piled precariously ... and also you could rinse them out before you let them sit for days with food residue.  I would be happy to wash them for you, but that would be a problematic precedent, so I'll just work around them.)

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. CAUMC small group
2. Work productivity.
cc sexeh crouch [wickedripeplum]

sex, media, comedy [not nearly as profound as that sounds]

The 25 Sexiest Novels Ever Written -- says Playboy

This seems a misleading title.  They themselves say, "Some titles were famous for being dirty books for decades, contraband smuggled in from Paris. A few were champions in the courts, books that freed the language. Some tackled taboos. Others showcased attitude -- either curiosity or humor or energy."

The few books I have read here (numbers 4, 6, 11, and maybe 23) wouldn't even be contenders for my "sexiest novels ever written list," and skimming the blurbs for the ones I haven't read, it seems that the main theme is kinky and boundary-pushing -- which is fine, and might in fact entice me to read it, but doesn't in and of itself make it one the "sexiest novels ever written."  I really don't read a whole lot of erotica (outside of fanfic, natch) so I have difficulty coming up with any contenders, but my point still stands.

Anyone have suggestions?  (Anon commenting enabled.)

I remember seeing Southland Tales on IMDb when I was poking to see what Whedon alums had as upcoming projects, but it didn't much stick with me.  This article for the most part does not sell me on wanting to see the film, but "with wrestler Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson as an anxious, amnesiac action hero and Sarah Michelle Gellar biting down hard on the role of socially conscious porn queen Krysta Now" totally does.  I have no shame.

My family bonded over the Last Comic Standing 4th season opener tonight (Tuesday).  My brother and I caught part of one episode of that one summer, and there was definitely some funny stuff there.  This seems to me way more entertaining to watch than a lot of the reality/elimination shows.

The first city they went to (L.A.?) had a lot of good talent.  There were good people who weren't selected.  But the rest of the country?  Not so good.  (The 5 other cities were: Tempe, AZ; Austin, TX; Miami; Chicago; NYC.)  My favorite was the 19-year-old girl from the first group.  "My dad's gay.  My friends are always like, 'I wish my dad was gay,' and I say, 'Yeah, my dad wishes your dad were gay, too.' "

Reminder: books (and a couple magnets) free to good home
diablo robotico [saava]

Circle (2002)


My mom was sulky ‘cause the library closes at 5 on Fridays so she couldn't veg out to The Green Mile.  I had Eddie Izzard's Circle, though.

She sent me out to get SmartFood Popcorn and Doritos.  Normally I toss a wallet etc. into a bag when I go out, but this time I was just going down the street and my mom had given me $5 so I thought, Why bother?  Well, when I got rung up, the total was $6.48.

So on top of my usual 4 sets of 10-15 minute walk plus 4 flights of stairs twice, I did a 10-15 minute walk 4 more times on Friday.


Short version: Not as good as Dress to Kill, but better than Glorious and Definite Article.
I noticed the lack of transitions less, and his losing his place was less bothersome, and it just seemed funnier.

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crazy [lavellebelle]

Glorious (1997)

I watched Glorious tonght with my mom.  Not as bad as Definite Article, but still nowhere near as good as Dress to Kill.

"I'm covered in bees" is funnier in the routine than it is randomly out of context (ditto the plastic cup line, though it's less funny).  I have been accused by more than one person of thinking about things too much, and of course that's true here as well, where I'm like, "But that's not how the honey retrieval process works" (though having listened to people complain about Troy, I was pleased by the "Achilles dies, then the war continues for ten years").  I sometimes wonder why certain lines become the uber-popular ones.  I personally might have chosen, "What have you got against baboons in mime?"  And, "Glove death."

"You've got a toaster there, but it has a turny-dial knob thing on the side… and it lies to us."  My mom and I were dying during the shower dial routine.

I also liked the hopscotch as mystic exercise bit.

And the printer sketch during the encore cracked me up.  (Hey look, transcript.)
prophecy girl

"them good ole boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye"

singing: this'll be the day that I die...

Wednesday i slept later than i had intended, showered, dressed, hustled to the edge-of-town post office and back again to mail my UPenn app, and actually got back with plenty of time to eat lunch before leaving for work. I did feel rather like i was going to pass out, though.

Work was insane. AJ gave me a pile of stuff and LM left me something to copy and then i had to deal with something else and i had to tell SA i wasn't going to have time to be able to do anything for her and i felt like, "Why am i everybody's bitch today?" I went to an hour and a quarter long training for the new phone system and didn't touch the filing all afternoon except to add more papers to the file (andi don't think i got more than a few sheets - if that - filed on Monday) and AJ figured out how to give me Banner access and i'm getting trained to do a whole load of stuff for when she is on vacation in January and i have visions of being overwhelmed and fucking up and yeah.

I got some nice stuff in my campus box and both good and bad in my e-box, the best being this reply from my UMass prof re: the e-mail to which was attached my final paper.

A fine essay. You know, you can really write. You make it look easy, which is a sign of real power. But you're way beyond college prowess already. It's a great gift.

Your appreciative Palanese panorama is splendidly organized and presented. One quibble: while you're right that hypnosis appears to be wilfull inattention, in fact it demands a special kind of attention. Self-hypnosis in particular requires a bifurcation of the mind into a part that gives suggestions and a part that receives them. This can't be done haphazardly or inattentively.

It's been a real pleasure having you in section this term. You're one of the people who woke up early and saved the section from the abyss over which it was tottering for the first week or three. I'm delighted to give you the nice big A you deserve. Best wishes for the holidays and break.....

David Lenson
I also came home to a note on my board (from Cat) informing me that the Smith bookstore is in fact once again selling the "Smith College: A Tradition of Women in Exciting Positions" t-shirts, so i went down on Thursday and got myself one.

It occurred to me before i went to bed Wednesday night that there was probably an end-of-semester RCFOS meeting, but i had definitely completely forgotten that it was a Wednesday-and-thus-RCFOS night. I did have a good night, though. I hung out chatting with people after dinner and then studied Bible with KLS, E, and R; followed by a viewing of Eddie Izzard: Definite Article in Emma's room. Dress to Kill is exponentially better, and i keep wanting to say that Definite Article was bad, except that i was cracking up laughing so much throughout.

Thursday i slept all morning and attemped to do work in the afternoon. I also e-mailed Skarda to check in about my letters of rec and got in reply: "I put them in the mail last Saturday. I hope you can walk on water because my letters said you could. Let me know where you land. Merry Christmas!" w00t

Oh, because i was procrastinating and had mentioned it to someone recently: the 2004 and 2005 French men's rugby team calendars (black and white, male nudity but no penises).

So yeah, i decided to stay home and do work this afternoon instead of going to the mall and yet somehow it's after 4 in the afternoon and i have accomplished nothing. So now i'm thinking i'll catch up on LJ, work on Secret Slasha, and then maybe my brain will be ready to go back to my Shakespeare paper.

it's a long way down
to the place where we started from

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hermione by oatmilk

(no subject)

This Sunday was the anniversary of United’s InJoy campaign. Pastor Bill’s sermon was on vision for the future. (United’s big on the proselytizing thing now. Pastor Bill said that some people say “The two things I don’t talk about are politics and religion,” but that this isn’t religion this is a relationship with Jesus blah blah blah. My reaction was that of course you’re talking about religion; lots of people feel they have a relationship with Jesus but you would claim they are doing it all wrong.)

We also had communion. (We didn’t last Sunday due to its being Children’s Sunday.) Communion isn’t something that’s particularly meaningful to me because while in theory i think it’s a powerful ritual, in practice it feels like something everyone does by rote. (I do appreciate the litany at First Churches, about how this is for those for whom the ritual is familiar and those for whom it is strange, etc. etc. and if you don’t want to take communion, please pass it between your neighbors so that you can still participate in the community.) I took communion at the Anglican services i went to in Oxford largely just to see what it was like, and if communion were ever introduced with spoken restrictions i didn’t feel i fit i wouldn’t take it. But mostly i just take it.

This Sunday, though, i just couldn’t do it. It wouldn’t feel right. This is not my community. It hasn’t been for years, of course. I have difficulty letting go, since everything has redeeming qualities, and especially with my grandmother still going i don’t foresee my mother and i cutting off all ties anytime soon, but it really isn’t my community and any pretense that it is seems less and less honest as time goes by.

who says i like right angles? these are not my walls laws. these are not my rules.

John P. was one of the ushers and i kinda wanted him to be serving my side communion, so he could see that i didn’t take it, so he would ask me about it. It’s not that i particularly wanted to argue or to hear about how really they are on the true path. I just... everyone assumes that if you’re there then you belong there and you’re happy there, and i’m sick of being assumed to be something i’m not, and okay there is a little bit of wanting to argue, to at least say, “You think i am a good and valuable person, but i really think you’re wrong, and certainly this is wrong for me.” Isn’t that what i do all the time - say “you think i’m one of you, but i’m not - doesn’t that give you pause about what additional Others might be like?” But yeah, definitely a big part of it is that i’m sick of feeling like i’m living a lie (the assumption of the people of United that i’m on board with all that United is doing now, all that United is now).
Why is the possibility of "passing" so insistently viewed as a great privilege ... and not understood as a terrible degradation and denial?
-Evelyn Torton Beck, Nice Jewish Girls
Marilyn wants her tins back. Granted, she has a right to some residual bitterness since they fired her daughter for bogus reasons. She’s also not a fan of the anti-gay sentiment, which my mother was pleasantly surprised by, and of course she has lots of spotty history with the people who now run what used to be our church. But my mom was kinda thinking, “You’re griping about how you want your tins back? Can’t we grow up and let go?” In contrast, she thought my refusal to take communion was a sad painful powerful statement. It’s funny; i wasn’t even really thinking of it like that at the time, i just knew that it wasn’t right for me to take communion in that place at that moment. I literally couldn’t stomach it.

My mother and i are thinking the Congregational Church for next Sunday, Father’s Day.

Conversation with my mother about my going through all my boxes of crap.
“A box a day and you’d be done in a month. And you could feel so proud.”
“Pride goeth before destruction.”
“Okay, you can be destroyed, but I’d have more floorspace, and less crap.”

George Carlin aims to offend everyone, huh? And there’s only so much angry i can take, in any context. I’m sometimes amused while/despite problematizing what he’s saying, though. And of course sometimes i agree.

He said if someone has a loved one who is comatose and that loved one is a homosexual, you can comfort them saying: “He used to be a fruit, now he’s a vegetable. At least he’s still in the produce section.”

After that he talked about how people get in trouble for using “bad words,” “bad language,” and how words in and of themselves are neutral; it’s all about the context. He said it’s not the word “nigger” you should be worried about but rather the racist asshole using it. He said we’re scared of these “bad words” because they point to unpleasant truth -- “the truth that there’s a bigot in every living room on every street corner in the country.”

Railing against euphemistic language he said he’s waiting for a rape victim to be called “an unwilling sperm recipient.”

Watched “The Best of Both Worlds” Parts 1&2, the supposed best cliffhanger ever and its supposedly shoddy conclusion (TNG eps 3.26 and 4.01). I’m not sure i’d say it’s the best cliffhanger ever, though i admit i have little to compare it with, but i for one was quite pleased with how the writers managed the conclusion.

Went to Perks with hedy on Monday. Thursday night we were figuring out what we wanted to do, and she said it was difficult since she was dealing with SheWhoSpendsNoMoney (i.e., me). I said the idea that one needs to spend money in order to hang out has always struck me as odd. After Perks we went to the library. I’m horrible at recommending books to people because there’s so little i actually like. I came home with a stack of books i’d been meaning to read, though.
you think you know...

A busy, yet boring, week.

So i thought i wasn't going to be busy this week, and then i was. I was out for much of Monday (doing things which included visiting the high school and junior high for the last time this school year and finally getting a new battery for my watch) and when i came home i had 2 messages waiting for me. One asking me to work that night, and one asking me to work on Wednesday, though when i called back the Monday night slot was already filled. Before i went to work on Tuesday (already scheduled) i called my grandmother and made plans to spend the day with her on Thursday. And now here i am. Where did my week go?

I have few stories, so mostly you're gonna get copious quotage.

I walked to the high school Monday morning,and passed the house of this nice older woman (Helen Wohler). She asked if i'd graduated. I said i just finished my first year at college. She said she watched me go through (to?) high school. She said she remembered seeing my dad pushing me in the carriage. She asked what i was majoring in. I said English. She said, "Oh, I'll have to watch what I say around you," or something like that, implying that i'd be a writer who would draw heavily on real life. Which, of course, i am. I was giddy and grinning all the way up the street to the high school.

Mrs. Berger (my former art teacher) asked what i was majoring in, and when i said English she said there's so much you can do with that -- publishing, writing, teaching.

Oh how i love people who get it.

I stapled my thumb at work on Tuesday. The stapler was jammed, and as i tried to fix it i accidentally stapled my thumb. Only one leg of the staple went into my thumb, and it didn't go in very far, but still. It hurt like a bitch to try to get out. I wished i had wire cutters or something so i could just cut off the rest of the staple and let the bit in my thumb work itself out because it only hurt when i tried to remove it. Fran suggested running it under cold water, and i was actually able to remove it painlessly while running it under cold water. Woot. I am now much more cautious of staplers.

My dad showed me this from an article ("Suicide syndrome?" by Thomas Farragher) in the April 20, 2002 Boston Globe Magazine:

It is commonly held local wisdom that Norwood, more than any other town in the United States, is a place where local boys marry local girls and settle down in their hometown. Many residents actually believe it is enshrined in the Guinness Book of Records or, alternately, as an answer to an arcane question on a Trivial Pursuit game card.

It isn't true. But it doesn't matter. That belief, familiar to reference librarians at Morrill Memorial Library who have often been asked to confirm it, speaks volumes about the town's self-image.
That upset me, because i was certain i had actually seen the Trivial Pursuit card and have told many people the story. It upsets me to think that i've been spreading inaccurate information.

Reading Marion L. Soards' Scripture & Homosexuality: Biblical Authority and the Church Today, this really hit me:

While Jesus is not reported to have spoken on homosexuality or homosexual behavior, his one recorded statement about human sexuality [referring to his speaking on divorce, Matthew 19:3-8 or Mark 10:2-9] reveals that he understood males and females to be created by God for mutual relations that unite and fulfill both male and female in a (permanent) complementary union.
I looked up the appropriate passage to be sure.

"Haven't you read," he [Jesus] replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' [Genesis 1:27] and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall be as one flesh' [Genesis 2:24]? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
-Matthew 19:4-6 (NIV)
Earlier, Soards had stated, "At the heart of Christian faith is the word of God, God's self-revelation. As Christians we believe God's Word incarnate is Jesus Christ." If you say that Jesus was just a product of his time and what he said doesn't really apply to us now is to say that he's not really the incarnation of God's word for all time. You can't just pick and choose what you believe from the Bible without destroying the integrity of the Bible.

This made me sad and really dampened my enthusiasm for researching how the Bible doesn't necessarily condemn homosexuality. If i have to choose between believing in the Bible as God's Word and believing that homosexuality/bisexuality is natural and not a choice or a sin i will discard my faith in the Bible. It makes me sad to think that i would have to do that.

Near the end of the book, he says, "The critic who reads the Bible and rejects its teaching---its view of God, the world, and human existence in the world in relation to God---is a better friend of those who seek to recognize the authoroty of Scripture than are those false friends who claim to love the Bible but labor assiduously to redefine its perspectives." I thought that was interesting.

This makes less sense now that i'm typing it all up, though. Jesus was talking about heterosexual marriage, and divorce. Obviously statements about homosexuality would have no relevance in that context. Just as if i were asking someone about California it would make no sense for that person to to start telling me about New York. In Matthew 19:11-12 (NIV), still talking about divorce, it is written:

Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kindgom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
I remember reading something which talks about eunuchs as homosexuals. I must look that up.

My mom showed me an article ("Why the U.S. Will Always Be Rich" by David Brooks) from the June 9, 2002 New York Times Magazine. It had the usual statistics. ("The average household in America now pulls in about $42,000 a year. The average household headed by someone with a college degree makes $71,400 a year. A professional degree pushes average household income to more than $100,000. If you are, say a member of one of those college-grad households with a family income of around $75,000, you probably make more than 95 percent of the people on this planet.") It also had this statement: "One-sixth of the American population is part of the working poor, earning between $17,000 and $34,000 a year." My mom (the real breadwinner in my family) makes about $34,000 a year. So i'm on the edge of being part of the working poor. Who knew? Granted, we rent and don't have a car, so that cuts down on our expenses, but still. People complain about jobs starting at only $30,000 a year and i think, "I've lived comfortably in a family of four on that much. Supporting only myself on that much money would rock."

My mom also showed me an article ("The Bad News About Barney" by Chava Willig Levy) from the February, 1994 Parents Magazine. The author says that the main problem with Barney is that it encourages denial. I found it a really interesting article.

This (from a Cinescape article) gives me hope for Firefly:

“I love spaceships,” Whedon said. “I love sci-fi. I love hard-science sci-fi. I wanted to do a show without latex. I wanted to come back down to Earth and do a western. I wanted to make STAGECOACH really bad and that was the impetus. [I don’t think] there will be aliens three or four hundred years from now [when FIREFLY is set]. There would just be people, and that’s the point. They’re not smarter, they’re not better. War hasn’t been abolished. Some of them are decent, some of them aren’t. Some are just trying to scrape by after being trodden on by history. … It’s a very low-tech show. It’s a sort of immigrant story, taking from all the cultures we already have and imagining them spread out over a galaxy.”
Skimming yesterday's Bulletin i hit page 4.

More things that make you go hmmm...
For Your Consideration.../ David J. Tuttle
* Did anyone expect that six months after establishing a policy that allowed for the crèche to be placed on the Town Common a display for gay pride would appear? And is it right for the display to have the words 'Norwood Celebrates Gay Pride?' This wording may appear to the casual observer that this is a Town-endorsed display. You have to get very close to read the sign stating that this is a private display.
Oh, things that make me want to spit. I really doubt that the crèches will have big disclaimers. So it's okay to create the impression that Norwood is a Christian town, but not that Norwood supports and affirms its gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered citizens?

And at the bottom of the same page:

Letters To The Editor
Thanks for Gay Pride Week support
To the Editor
The Norwood-Walpole Citizens for All Families is grateful for the opportunity to have presented our Gay Pride 2002 display on Norwood Common during Pride Week.

We are grateful to the many who have expressed their appreciation for the display.

Our intent through this display has been to affirm and support the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered members of our community and their families and friends. We will continue to seek ways to do that.

For the Norwood-Walpole Citizens for All Families.
Kevin Devine
Nichols Street

Beth Goldman
Marion Avenue

Leah O'Leary
Devon Road

Paul Plato
Devon Road

Daniel D.P. Smith
Mountain Avenue

Russell Tanner
Winter Street

At dinner last night my mom told me that for graduation they're gonna get me the complete Buffy on DVD. Squee! That means i can even stop drooling over the Buffy musical DVD from the Tuesday, May 28, 2002, Daily Variety on eBay. Hey, doesn't the library get Variety? Oh, that's a weekly magazine, though; that's different. Damn.

My mom showed us this from the Spring, 2002 issue of Natural New England Magazine:

Don't forget the Madison Boulder!

A visit to the Conway area of New Hampshire can't be complete without taking a look at the Madison Boulder, arguably one of the largest so-called erratic boulders in the U.S.

This is likely the largest rock you've ever seen. It weighs thousands of pounds, extends deep into the ground and it's been there for something like 15,000 years since it dropped out of a fast-metling wall of ice at the end of what is called the Wisconsin Glacial Period. Its surroundings, a rural area just north of Madison which is just south of Conway, have changed considerably over the ages. But the rock has not.

The Madison boulder sits entirely by itself with a single explanatory sign posted by the State of New Hampshire about 100 feet away. The site is a 17-acre property on a small residential road off Route 113 owned by the statue and listed as a "National Natural Landmark." It is marked on most maps including DeLorme's Maine Map page 41, B-9.

The boulder's official statistics are 83 feet long, by 37 feet wide. It rises 23 feet above the ground and projects at least 12 feet below ground. No one has ever been able to weight it accurately, but it is believed to weigh more than 7,500 tons. It consists of what is called Conway granite.

The rock's well-rounded shape and smooth sides indicated that it likely spent many a millennia buried in the ice, constantly subjected to milling and sculpting during movements, according to geologists. Most geologists believe the Madison boulder was transported by the great glaciers down from some point of origin in the White Mountains and then left in a solitary repose what would eventually become known as the town of Madison.
We've been there. My mom's boss has a cottage near Conway and we stay there for a weekend or a week or whatever every summer, and one summer we went to see the boulder. It always makes me think of Spike's line in "Becoming, Part 1": "It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big." Now i want to find the photograph of all of us in front of the rock and scan it and get someone to make an LJ icon out of it with the Spike quote on it.

I was telling my mom that i've seen most of the Staurt Little movie baby-sitting and it's so not like how i remember the book. I remember the book as being more adult, dark and scary at times, and the movie is very fun and little kiddish, bright primary colors and all. I said i had to reread the book to make sure i was right, which annoyed me because i didn't really like the book when i read it the first time. And then i said i really should watch the movie in its entirety so i can make a full and complete critique. She said i definitely am my father's daughter.

Allison had a sticker saying "I Poke Badgers With Spoons" on her door, and i recently saw an LJ icon with that phrase on it. Something last night made me think of it randomly, and my dad wondered where it had come from. I had Googlesearched a while back but had only come up with personal sites which quoted it and suchlike. That was last night. This morning my dad sent me an e-mail titled I found out whence comes "I poke badgers with spoons." in which he wrote:

Several times I got referred to eddie izzard web sites. He turns out to be an English comedian, I gather edgy, androgynous, and with quite a following. I posted the question on an eddie izzard bulletin board and got a number of responses in no time. The best:

It's part of a routine Eddie does about the Catholic Church and the concept of original sin. (This is in the Show Dress to Kill, which shows up on HBO occasionally.) How hard it must be to go into the confessional and be *original*!

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned, I slept with my neighbor's wife."

"Heard it!" the priest says.

But if you went in there and said "I poked a badger with a spoon," well, the priest probably has not heard that one before! So say 10 Hail Marys and 3 Hello Dollys and off you go...
Oh yes.