Tags: on interpersonal interaction

hipster me

"I got lost in the sounds"

E-mail commentage with Emma last night was so much joy.  I love my life sometimes.  Yeah, increased socialization would probably help to ward off the mood funks I've been having.

I failed at falling asleep but did get myself out of bed with my alarm this morning.

During a lull in the setup for my grandma's party this afternoon, I was giving MikeF. a shoulder/backrub -- 'cause he was there and I like him -- and he said, "You should go into business."  Given that I've taken to doing this all the time for the sheer want of it, I really should think about taking classes again -- at the very least, look into purchasing screens and setting up in my living room.  Though as I keep saying to everyone, it is harder than you would believe to actually get people to let you practice on them.

It was easier than I'd expected to just hide in the kitchen and/or not really engage with people, which was actually a little bit of a disappointment -- I've always preferred the company of older people, and I like mattering not to mention conversing (I almost felt like an extrovert, in the sense of charging one's batteries via interpersonal interaction, though it's probably more that I charge off of stuff that stimulates my brain).  Lots of the old UCNers are quite fond of me, but the "So what are you doing with your life?" Q&A rapidly gets dull, and I am forever disappointed that the meaty discussion I expect in meatspace encounters with LJ fen always feel awkward to introduce in discussions with "real people" -- like, despite the fact that these are all church people, I would feel awkward plunking down in a chair next to someone and saying, "So, I've been struggling recently with trying to reconcile belief in an all-loving God along with facts of existence like mental illness."  [Not that I require "meaty" discussion in every interaction with my LJ friends, but somehow there's a higher level of interest in the details of each other's lives, so we've got options.]  I was also noticing that while the party is ostensibly centered around my grandma, people were often engrossed in their own clumps of people -- which is totally valid, 'cause there were like 60 attendees, and part of the point of the party was for people to get together for something Not A Funeral, but it made me feel extra weird about cutting in.  [See also previous post on not really belonging, specifically as being a kid.]

Oh, my grandma fell yesterday.  Yeah, that was awesome.  Somehow didn't break anything, though she got a nasty black eye.  Sigh.

My mom scanned a whole lot of pictures from my grandma's albums, plus did some computer-generated map stuff, and made a PowerPoint of my grandma's life before she moved to Norwood (38 years ago).
I hadn't realized quite how many places my grandma had been when working for Public Health.
When my mom did the bit about Wales I realized that if I visited Gillian there this summer I could check out where my grandparents were and that would be kinda neat (and would probably make my grandma's summer -- assuming, as always, that she's still alive then).
When my mom was talking about the earthquake [hi, Turnagain Heights] she said, "I still can't talk about this without crying."

Later, I handed the microphone back to JohnP. and he said, "Aren't you going to sing?"  Nevermind the fact that I kept coughing (about as bad today with barely any liquid as yesterday with 60oz. of water -- not sure what to make of that, is both distressing and comforting).  At Singspiration last week, JoeF had said to my mom (in front of me), re: this upcoming party: "It's traditional for the granddaughter to sing a song."  My mom said, "Have you *heard* her sing?" and I said, "Joe, why do you hate me?"

Another 90-year-old my grandma knew from Forsyth came to the party, and after a couple hours she was ready to go home.  (She lives at Tremont on the Common and my dad had picked her up, but he had to drive my brother back to RPI, so someone else was gonna drive her back and me with her.)  I felt weird leaving early (though the timing of taking the train back would have been a little awkward as the party was planned to go from 2-5 and the weekend trains leave at 5:05 and 7:05), but my mom said it was fine.  I haven't been in an extended car ride in ages.  I really do prefer trains.  Once we got past Quincy and Braintree, though, there was so much water.  We don't usually approach Boston from quite that direction when I've driven in with my family before, or we do it after dark so I don't notice so much, and it was really quite lovely.

It's so weird to me that Tufts-New England Medical Center is right there 'cause Tufts is also right near *me.*  (Also: The F. A. O. Schwartz Bear is in front there.)

Walking up to Tremont Street to Park St. Station I noticed that the State House is Right There, something I hadn't realized before, which makes me feel kind of ridiculous (though I'm usually only wandering there after dark, or when the trees are leafy).

I got in to Davis Square ~5:20, so I could have just gone to CWM late, but I was tired and headachy (and, honestly, not feeling up for more interpersonal interaction -- hello, introvert), so I just came home.

I actually made dinner (though it was frozen french fries and frozen green beans).
Wow, we have so many Lean Cuisine in our freezer.

My cellphone did the adjusted DST without my even needing to turn it off apparently.  My computer -- and my tv -- had to be manually reset.  I also reset my watch, alarm clock, and the two wall clocks in the house.  I even figured out how to change the time on the microwave.  ::wins::

***

Eek, I totally forgot it's Sharon's birthday today.  We haven't quite got 10 years, but we do go back to before either of us joined LiveJournal, which I think is impressive.

Also, femslash07 goes live tomorrow.  I have no idea how many stories will be in fandoms I know (or pairings I wanna read) but I'm still excited.  Yeah, quality fanfic also improves my mood.

Oh, and carlyinrome's talking about Angel Season 3 [with a focus on what there was to like about that season].

***

I need to read more Simone Weil.  I'm reading Madeleine L'Engle's The Genesis Trilogy, and early in the first book (And It Was Good) she quotes Simone Weil as follows:
For it seemed to me certain, and I still think so today, that one can never wrestle enough with God if one does so out of pure regard for truth.  Christ likes us to prefer truth to him because, before being Christ, he is truth.  If one turns aside from him to go toward the truth, one will not go far before falling into his arms.
crazy [lavellebelle]

What it basically comes down to is that I don't like people.

We went out for drinks after work today (Z Square) and Ranjan invited some people he knows from training (they work in the building next to us) and one of them invited her boyfriend (named Om!) who is crazy.  Totally harmless, but I'm uncomfortable around people I don't know anyhow, so I was very glad I was sitting at the other end of the long set of tables.  (When he first showed up I thought of Uncle Miles, but this guy wasn't putting on an act, it was just how he is.)  Most of me was glad Eric wasn't there (the loser already had plans) 'cause he's even worse than I am, but I would have enjoyed bonding off in a corner or something.  So now of course I'm considering calling during lunch tomorrow (provided I'm still conscious; Greg on Ativan: "Ooh, that's like Valium and then some") to hear MaryAlice and Katie tell Eric about it.

I commented to MaryAlice that my friends are crazy but in a way that works for me, and I was thinking later about what a judgmental bitch I am... and I keep wanting to write more about the weirdnesses of whom I do and do not like (versus whom I might expect to dis/like) as well as when I cherish disagreement versus when I want everyone to be Just Like Me (or perhaps more accurately, My Ideal Me) but none of it is articulate, so I'll move on to the food.

I ordered "Fresh Mozzarella, Basil & Black Olive Panini on ciabatta."  'Twas good.  I also approve of their french fries; when they first arrived I was afraid they were spicy fries, but they weren't.  I thought about ordering a "sloe comfortable screw against a wall" but decided I wanted something rum based, so I ordered a strawberry daiquiri.  However, their blender was broken, so I asked for a fruity rum-based drink that didn't have pineapple.  I got a sex on the beach and am comforted that webtender.com agrees with me that that's a vodka-based drink; it also obviously wasn't as fruity as I'd been hoping for from my drink.  Oh well.  I ended up basically not paying for it because we were putting in money before the check came and I forgot I'd ordered a drink when I was guessing how much I should put in.  Om was muy gregarious, though (buying a bottle of wine and some plates of appetizers -- pita, olives, and hummus -- for the table) so I don't think it was a big deal.
Fajita The Tex-Mex dish called fajitas, now at home in English in the singular form, is made up of thin strips of skirt steak, called faja in Spanish; that term in turn derives from the Latin fascia, a belted bundle of sticks [...] the terms fascism and fajita share a common origin.
tired - crazy

"yeh-teh" (Tibetan) means "a little animal that resembles a human." [Word Origin calendar on "Yeti"]

So, Friday began with me banging my head against the wall (figuratively speaking). The Metro asked its readers whether Isaiah Washington should make a public apology [amusingly, this overlapped with IW actually making a public apology -- see ETA to fox1013's post], and the consensus was yes, with agreement that his actions were hateful. But one said: Collapse )

[I really need a tag for this. fox1013's "the dangers of going out at knight" is possibly for the win.]

***

There was a little snow falling Friday morning (shortly after I got in to work -- like, 9:15). I was annoyed that it had waited until I was already in the building.

Eric, on why he wasn't here the previous day: "I had a migraine the size of my left nipple -- or, wait, that wouldn't be very big, would it?"

We had lunch at the restaurant formerly known as Pho Pasteur (it even says so on their menus) for belated Eric's birthday.

I feel like I am totally over the crush thing, and yet as soon as he mentioned the street address of his new apartment I immediately went into stalker!glee! mode.

I felt so much better after lunch than I had before, and was thinking of my similar experience after CAUMC the previous night and wondering if I was turning into an extrovert -- i.e., someone who recharges their batteries by interacting with other people. I decided that no, it's just that being around people I like makes me feel happy and fulfilled in ways that my job often doesn't.

Despite good intentions, I was not motivated to do work on Friday. I did get what needed to be done done, though.

Ari was For The Win! Context is the following meme:
Reply to this post, and I will tell you my favorite icon of yours.Then post this to your own journal using your own favorite icon.
[[ I'm gonna say that "taken out of context" is my favorite of my own icons. 1. Ani, 2. Dawn, 3. so very me, 4. made it myself, 4a. am so very pleased with how it came out ]] I also did:
Comment here using the icon you think best represents me, reminds you of me, and I'll reply back with the one I feel is best suited to you. This is a fun (and possibly heartbreaking) way to see what your flist really thinks of you, and to snag new icons, as well.
over on offbalance's journal the other day.

***

LJ is planning an LJ-specific search engine. They say they will respect privacy settings and you can opt out. I say it's about damn time they finally started doing this. I think its primary usefulness is to search one's own journal, honestly, and I adore the onset of that capability. Secondarily, I'm a big fan of being able to supplement people's often not very good use of tags/Memories.

***

Singspiration: Collapse )

Saturday

I visited the library today. The flag out front was at half-mast. What up? Emily mentioned the same thing about HBS earlier this week. Is there a prolonged mourning period for dead presidents or something?

Yet another person has brought up the possibility of my continuing massage. Should I go back to Palmer? Getting sufficient practice hours is mad hard (though I suppose I could poll the HBS and CAUMC contingents). I am also considering taking my table back and relearning my Massage I book. This would require partitions of some sort for my living room. Anyone have any thoughts on where one could purchase fairly cheap ones? Also feel free to weigh in on the whole return-to-amateur-massage-practice issue.

And it continues to be cold. And I continue to be excited about this.
weather.com (Somerville), 4:25pm: 24°F Feels Like 7°F / Wind: From NW at 26 mph gusting to 35 mph

I went outside at one point tonight (was doing laundry and grocery shopping) and locked the door and then dropped my key. I rang the doorbell and NewRoomie let me back in. Yeah, I am very glad I got two copies of OrginalRoomie's spare made for myself. She turned the porch light on and I still did not see it. Will look tomorrow when it is light out. I seriously need to get a keychain.
hermione by oatmilk

weekend

I jotted down lots of stuff at work on Friday, but it mostly feels like space-filler.

I did mean, however, to post antheia's solid point about the... whatever we're calling the England plane thing from Friday:
"Based on the fact that a complex terrorist plot, involving an ingenious scheme and a large number of players, was discovered and prevented before any of them had a chance to begin implementation, I feel safer than ever. It means that someone is doing their job. That we are a target for these plots doesn't make us unsafe."
It also began being unseasonably cool (temperaturewise).  I was pleased.  [Overnight lows of low 50s!]

Eric brought Roseanne to watch during lunch.  He said he was gonna bring Medium (which he loves) but it's boring.  I suggested Firefly and he said he'd considered bringing that in, but we can't watch the same thing 2 days in a row.  (So I hold out hope for this coming week.)  Anyway, I was entertained despite myself.  We watched 3 episodes (3.15-3.17 -- "Becky Doesn't Live Here Anymore," "Home-Ec," "Valentine's Day").
Becky: "You're as bad as mom!"
Dan: "Hang on a minute.  [to Roseanne]  If I tell you I'm offended by that, would you be upset?"
*

Friday night I had dinner with my darling Jonah at Trident.  He got challa bread French toast, with strawberries, and I ordered a watermelon mimosa (it comes in a champagne flute!) -- well and real food, too, but the mimosa was the exciting part (though more in theory than in actuality).

We were gonna have further yumminess at Tapeo per Layna's sister's recommendation, but we were both feeling in the mood for ice cream, so we went to J. P. Licks.  We're gonna get together again on Tuesday, though, and go to Tapeo then.

Amusingly, we both ended up both getting coconut almond chip at J. P. Licks (he decided against pomegranate sorbet, I decided against S'World Peace).  We looked at the Newbury Street cows (and I also showed him the one above the Lenox at Exeter Street, which I had seen on my way in) and then walked through the Public Garden and the Common and back to South Station and he made his 10:35 easily.  Oh, and we saw a possum on the security grating outside Staples at Downtown Crossing.  Awesome.

He remembered that my apartment-warming was gonna be this Saturday (Aug. 12).  I was impressed 'cause I had partway forgotten.  (He was away for the discussion about moving it to September.  Which reminds that I really need to pick a Saturday for that.)

Saturday I did dishes, laundry, and grocery shopping.  And I met Downstairs Neighbor #2. Oh, and Cat called that night. How did I forget to mention that?

Sunday I went to see a Russian film (I wasn't a fan) at the MFA and then met up with Hilary for lunch.  We were gonna browse the MFA afterward. but we spent so much time talking that we decided to forego that (esp. since she would have had to pay to get into the museum).  When Cat and Kate attempted to get from Ruggles to the MFA on their own they got lost (as it is easy to do; I can attest from experience) and wandered to the Prudential, so I've been meaning to figure out exactly how to do that (as part of my broader desire to just learn the city better) so we just started walking in that direction and I learned that my mother was right that there really are places to eat in the area, and I was reminded of just how close everything is to each other, and the Pru is so sprawling that I would want to have a map in hand to try to get back to Symphony/Northeastern from there but it's totally doable.  We then moved to Newbury St. (and wow Hynes really is so close to Trident) and eventually she had to go home -- which now that I'm not South Stationing means going basically my route :)  It was really lovely to spend time with her, and I'm a bit sad that we didn't do this sooner.  It's also been interesting this weekend noticing/thinking about which people I'm at ease talking to (I basically monologued at Jonah, meep -- but I didn't mean to, and he said it was okay) and what we talk about.

*

OriginalRoomie's been cleaning the house -- both in the aftermath of the painter and also in anticipation of NewRoomie's arrival.

I can't believe I hadn't noticed that our stovetop was so filthy.  OriginalRoomie did a preliminary cleaning of it tonight, though, and I'll probably do some scrubbing tomorrow.

She cleared out some of the useless furniture we never use and got some welcome mats and stuff -- which reminded me that I really need to do stuff like decorate my door.  (P.S. Mom, do you have an estimate on Maureen's Boston painting?)

Oh, and she mentioned that she leaves her door closed so that the sound of her tv on won't bother me.  That's nice.

NewRoomie is arriving this Wednesday evening, so I feel like light is visible at the end of the tunnel in terms of all the acquiring-stuff-for-the-apartment.  (My brother's helping me pick out a tv and I've been looking at tv stands on craigslist, the cable guy's coming Thursday, I'm hoping to enlist NewRoomie to go get a recycling bin, she's bringing some kitchen stuff and then I'll fill in any remaining gaps, and I really wanna get a couch....)

Oh, and there are rumors of the landlord taking down the fence, which would be exciting. (The street I live on has all lovely two-family houses, and then mine looks it was transplanted from somewhere sketchy with its two colors and its metal fence and everything.)

*

LJ's new notification system?  known issues like whoa  [I'm still a huge fan of the system, and it's great that they're starting it on a small group of users while they get the bugs worked out, but those select few of you I wanted to make sure you were aware of the issues -- the following strikes me as the most important one: If you have the "Email" option enabled for "All comments in my journal, on any post.", you won't get the old comment notification email anymore for entries you post in communities or replies to comments you post. Unchecking this checkbox until we fix it would be the best thing to do right now.]

*

And I seem to be writing fanfic recently. A lot of longhand while commuting places. Some previous WIPs as well as some new ideas. (Translation: Don't expect to see any ficposts from me anytime soon.) But it's really good to be in that space, after I wasn't for so long.

I've also been reading (and feedbacking) fic recently, which is also of the good.

*

That was longer than I had originally expected it to be.
you think you know...

Another day which was mostly not miserable.

I was uncomfortable when i went to bed last night (around 1am). I was uncomfortable when i woke up this morning (at 7:30 and then again at 8:30). It is this kind of hot and humid weather which makes me think i’m going to get an air-conditioner when i have my own place. Put a fan in my room tonight, though. My room has horrible circulation and the fan is wimpy, but what can ya do? This heat wave is supposed to break tomorrow -- though that means possible storms at fireworks time, which would suck.

Anyway, i spent nearly 12 hours in air-conditioning today. My dad drove me to the library around 9:30 and i was there, reading and socializing until about 1:30 when I was starting to get hungry and headed to my grandma’s. I had leftover pasta salad and fruit salad and other yummies of a light summer lunch. I helped her go through some more of her stuff, and around ten past six my brother arrived, though it took about a half an hour for me to manage to get out of there. I have been living on Raisin Bran, pasta salad, and fruit salad all through this heat wave. I was committed to going to Perks for a sandwich. Then i returned to the library and sat in the reading room, reading, until my dad came to pick me up (around 8:30) and took me and my brother home. Then he took us and my brother’s friend to the Walpole fireworks. It annoys me that they set off fireworks randomly starting at 9:00 even though the display doesn’t really start until 9:30. Anyway, the fireworks were nice. I do like fireworks. And near the end the sprinklers on the edge of the lawn (we were watching from a parking lot, sitting on the grass) came on, which was fun. We played in them after the fireworks finished while we were waiting for the traffic to clear out.

My dad says we gave away Sunrise and Sunset. I am sad. And the book i found on Amazon is probably not it the right one. The book is from the early 80s or earlier because we had it in the early 80s. They were both softcover, though i suppose they may come in hardcover as well. Both my parents suspect they might have been British. I now want to harass everyone we might possibly have given those books to because i want them back.

Angie’s set of “bitch” mix CDs came today. I am somewhat sad that i am leaving for vacation this Saturday, because there are so many mix CDs i wanna make, and i can’t do them before i leave (because i don’t own all the necessary CDs, so i have to invoke the resident deity that is interlibrary loan).

I got to feel overwhelmingly friendful tonight, because at one point i was IMing with three people at once. Hee. (And in total i have IMed with 5 people tonight.)

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Aly IMed me tonight, which was nice because i’ve been so out of touch with her. She asked “how are you?” and i gave something of a list of an answer, as i’m prone to do, and i often think people don’t really want to know, but she said i love how you answer, tho. most people are like "yeah i'm cool" or something. you actually answer the question. *g* which made me happy.

We also discussed the merits of more brutal honesty in the world. I can be fairly brutally honest with total strangers, but with friends, or people whose opinions of me matter to me, or people who seem fragile, i don’t want to hurt their feelings or say the wrong thing or whatever. Honesty is a good thing, though. There are appropriate times to mention certain things, and acerbicism/snarkiness/etc. is only appropriate in certain circumstances, but really, i should trust my friends enough to be honest, right? If our friendship can’t survive that it’s not much of a friendship. But it’s not that easy. And not just because i have inadequacy issues (not that that isn’t a [big?] part of it). It’s a lot because of timing. Certain issues only come up at vulnerable times. So i can’t criticize at said vulnerable time, but at safer times i don’t think of it or it feels inappropriate to bring it up or whatever. Yeah, okay, i’m not so coherent.

There was going to be a part here in which i tried to walk the fine line between venting and being passive-aggressive, but i don’t seem to have the capacity for that right now. I have been working on this entry for over 6 hours. People have been IMing with me this whole time. Sleep? What’s that? Perhaps later i will write a friends-filtered post, but for now i will take the high road and leave all the passive-aggressive-ness off of the net.

I think i am changing my default icon to this “you think you know...” icon. I think i need more icons. I just need to remember which moods/themes it was that i was feeling icon-need for.

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